Frist, Reid: What Happens In Closed Session, Stays In Closed Session

(Washington) They began the day like any other; rich white males with different lapel pins. But when Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist and Minority Leader Harry Reid emerged from a rare closed Senate session, they shared more than hefty blind trust funds and an affinity for big butts.

“Anyone who has watched the seminal film of our era, ‘The Breakfast Club,’ knows how a confined space shared by folks of different strokes can bring those people closer together,” remarked a quivering-chinned Frist. “We all, I think, shared something special in there, and quite frankly, I’d rather not cheapen it commenting on it any further.” Frist then stepped away from the podium, and when he believed he was out of view of his cool friends, pumped his fist into the air.

Senator Reid spoke to reporters from his office, where he was joined with an obviously emotional Trent Lott. “Let me tell you something about ol’ Trenty here,” Reid gushed as he threw his arm around the Mississippi Republican. “This is a guy who everyone thought was stuck up, somebody who maybe enjoyed cross-burning a little too much, but I’m here to tell you that when Trent rebuilds his Gulf Coast mansion, well, he can count on me to pay him a visit from time to time.” When pressed for details regarding what transpired behind the closed Senate doors, Reid reluctantly summarized, “We entered that great hall as dorks, potheads, jocks, whatever, but something happened in there. Something wonderful. Let’s just say I have a new-found respect for those who hold dear different ideas than I, and I think, no, I know, that we can work out our differences, and that America will be better for it.”

In an unrelated event, Senate Republicans minutes later held a secret vote declaring the Democratic Party “very gay” and “uncool.” They then stormed the House en masse and “twirled” John Conyers head in a public toilet.