Libby "Nobody's Biyatch"

(Washington) While publicly putting on a dignified and subdued face at today’s initial hearing, I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby’s legal team later leaked to trusted journalists that their client was preparing for a possible prison sentence and even boasted that Libby had remarked, “Bring it on biyatches!”

“This is someone who’s 100% ready to serve his pre-book release sentence,” asserted one bubbly legal assistant. “Why just this morning he watched half of the first season of ‘Oz.’ He even half-jokingly said that the first thing he’ll do when he gets to Emerald City if find himself a juicy prag.”

According to legal secretary Harriet Miers, Libby has scheduled meetings with former inmates Judith Miller and Martha Stewart in the hope that their experience behind bars will ease the transition. “Scooter had heard from another reporter that Judith had become a dinosaur in the pen. You know, a ‘Lickalotapus.’ He hopes to learn from her mistakes.”

Mr. Libby could not be immediately reached for comment, but through a mysterious spokesman identified only as “Source A,” stated since he is now a private citizen, he sees no legal ramifications for providing a certain former undercover CIA agent’s home address to his future cell mates. Said the source, “she’s fair game.”