Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Ann Coulter Explodes: French, Muslims Blamed

(Ft. Sam Houston, TX) Conservative pundit Ann Coulter today exploded while speaking before a captive military audience. Coulter, whose best-sellers include “Liberals Have Small Penises,” and “Still Saving Myself for Nixon” was speaking about the recent Muslim riots in the Parisian suburbs when she unexpectedly shattered into millions of pieces of what one witness described as “bone, hair, and black cardiac tissue.”

US Army explosive experts cordoned off the scene and searched for clues as to what caused the blast. While officially the incident is under investigation, a Military Police officer who asked to not be identified surmised that Coulter self-detonated due to “contradictory overload.”

“Prior to the explosion, Miss Coulter was attempting to explain how the French deserved whatever damage they received at the hands of their Muslim citizens, and how the whole thing was payback for their decision to not take on the terrorists in Iraq,” explained the officer. “At the same time, she argued that the Muslim faith was built on hate and intolerance, and that the French authorities were the first line of defense against Islamofascism. Clearly, she was contradicting herself, and you saw the results.”

“Dude, that was some nasty (censored,)” an Iraqi War veteran explained. “I mean, that chick was just frothing. Like she sucked up some kind of chemical weapon or something. It kinda sucks, you know, ‘cause she was pretty hot for a psycho bitch.”

President Bush took timeout from his busy nap today to comment on Coulter’s passing. “I think I speak for all red-staters today when I say that Miss Coulter’s voice of reasonism will be missed. Besides, you know, she was kinda hot for a psycho bitch. Damn.”


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