Sunday, June 25, 2006


Rex Returns, Door Hits Hippie Ass on the Way Out

(Orlando) Having completed the arduous journey of about 10 miles to the new Spurious George HQ, intrepid SG reporter Rex Kramer (danger seeker extraordinaire) breathed deep the freedom-scented air of the new digs and found it only slightly befouled by the stench of patchouli. For this, he was thankful.

He was also thankful for the efforts made by the hippie horde that, in his absence, did their best to hide their anti-America coffee house philosophies. In gratitude, he’d love to invite them all to the HQ-warming party…but as Spurious George has relocated to Seminole County, the reddest county in patriotic-red state Florida, he doubts the sheriff would allow them to cross the county line. In fact, upon meeting his neighbors, Rex had (fleeting) doubts that his own level of patriotism was up to local code; just to be safe, be bought out the inventory of the local flag store and decorated SG HQ II accordingly.

In any event, although the move is complete there remains much work to be done (opening the boxes marked “Bush bumper stickers” will take weeks; having the interns apply them all to the HQ exterior will take even longer.) During this transitional period, patriotic posting may, like Ted Kennedy’s liver, be spotty. We here at Spurious George appreciate your patience and your continued PAC contributions during this time.

Once again, a manly expression of thanks to those of you who made “Convert a Hippie Week” a beacon of light for those poor souls who believe that America-loving is beyond their reach. You have done your country a great service, and should be duly proud of your efforts.

Now, get out before Rex releases the hounds.


Blogger PTCruiser said...

It was an honor to serve my country in this capacity, Rex. Did you turn in the day-laborers you hired to help you move? I hope you gave them a tip.

June 25, 2006 9:12 AM  
Blogger pissed off patricia said...

Ha! Having escaped the conversion bs by leaving town, this hippie is still just as dirty and smelly as ever.

Loving the feeling! Peace, dude.

June 25, 2006 9:41 AM  
Blogger Elizabeth Branford said...

Ah, Rex returns!!!!

Hope you are recovering. moving is such hell.

June 25, 2006 3:24 PM  
Blogger Kvatch said...

I wanna stay...I wanna! I want to love Ameirca...and freedom...and Shrub...and...and...

Nah! What the hell am I babbling about?

June 25, 2006 9:28 PM  
Blogger Callooh said...

Damn! and I sooo wanted to have a proper hippie welcome home party for you, but the tie dyes are still out by the solar panels drying, and the I haven't been able to harvest any of the home grown organic food yet...


June 25, 2006 10:40 PM  
Blogger sumo said...

Jesus tap-dancing Christ Rex...did you HAVE to call on cheerleaders? They're worse than hippies any day...with all that hair flipping and perfume and stuff!

June 25, 2006 10:45 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

PTC: The laborers received what they were due: 2 hot meals a day and an armed escort back across the border at night. Anything more would just be coddling.

POP: Sigh. Remind me to enlist you whenever "Convert a Hippie Week 2" rolls around. A little forced America-loving would do you good, methinks.

EB: The move actually only took a few hours; it's the unpacking that's hell.

Kvatch: You are soooo close to coming over to the Right side! I can just feel it!

Callooh: One of these days I'll throw a party and invite my hippie aquaintances...if I can get the homeowner's association to suspend the "no liberals allowed" rule for just one night.

Sumo: While it is true that cheerleaders are annoying as hell, it can't be ignored that very few of them "grow up" to be hippies. So, you know, they have that going for them.

June 25, 2006 10:56 PM  
Anonymous Dude said...

Rex, while I don't feel converted in the slightest...I do feel I'm ready to buy a pair of Wingtips, and maybe a pen-stripped suit. I'm also having strange cravings for brea.

June 26, 2006 1:29 AM  
Anonymous gordo said...


Hippie week was great. I found the hippies' musing interesting, in a satanic sort of way. Glad to have you back, though.

June 26, 2006 9:48 AM  

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