Monday, June 19, 2006

Lefty Love



People on the left love America and always have. We just love it differently.

Conservative Republicans think about America like they would their invalid mother. Their country (right or wrong) is never to be criticized - Just as sainted Mom is always above reproach even while it’s now known that she spent your formative years making extra cash as a hooker.

People on the right fly into a rage if you question anything about American - just like they would if you happened to mention that that their Mom dresses like a slut. They guard the illusion that their country is faultless in its policies like they guard the secret that Mom tried three times to abort them (permanently leaving a coat hanger scar on their withered left bicep).

Conservatives Republicans will vow that they would die for their Mother, and their county – they’ll just do it on their own schedule; because many conservatives have “other priorities than military service.”

No one doubts that the folks on the right love their country and their mothers. But you’re not doing Mom any good by not mentioning her three DUIs and her arrest for meth possession. It’s not helping Mom to look the other way when she shoplifts sirloin steaks from the local Safeway twice a week. And Mom is never going to reconcile with their father until she stops sleeping with Uncle Chester.

The love that lefties have for America is just a strong as the folks on the right, just not quite so blind. Lefties love America like they do their hot friend who’s always playing head games with them, and wearing slutty clothes and expecting us not to get the “wrong” signals. Oh she know exactly what’s she doing…shaking that fine ass in front of us.

People on the left take their country to task for it’s mistakes, just as our friendship compels us to mention that throwing-up in our car is not something a friend does without some just compensation (if you know what I mean). Just try to get that smell out of there! Although, I must say, Febreze helped quite a bit.

Everybody should love their country, but it needs to be a tough love. If your country steps out of line or promises something and doesn’t deliver, then it needs to be held to task. If your country constantly insists on dressing real provocatively and keeps telling you she likes how you look with your shirt off – well that’s a country that’s just asking for it!

Dude - The Blue Republic

12 Comments:

Anonymous Not Dude said...

Rex...this guy Dude...genius!

June 19, 2006 3:50 AM  
Blogger Elizabeth Branford said...

That makes me think of that Jane's Addiction song..."Been Caught Stealing" in the video he's like grabbing meat and stuff...

Dude, you rock, boss!

Your assorted interns love you!

June 19, 2006 11:08 AM  
Blogger Elizabeth Branford said...

Damn I think I post June 21... I'm not feeling very converted though...in fact I am wearing a Bob Marley t shirt!!!


HOPELESS!

June 19, 2006 11:10 AM  
Blogger glenda said...

Rex, what you are describing is a traditional dysfunctional family, with full-blown denial, a pattern of "keeping the secretcy" around mom's issues, and loyalty at any price. That's the America we want?? The America I want is fully functional and healthy! Perhaps a funny campaign slogan would be "Championing America for change one dysfunctional family at a time." :)

June 19, 2006 11:49 AM  
Blogger Callooh said...

Hey I'm off the enemies list! should I be concerned? elated? deflated? ...

This has got to be the best description of the American political system I have had yet - thank you for educating my wee foreign brain.

here's to mum...

June 19, 2006 3:37 PM  
Anonymous Dude said...

"not dude" - Modesty prevents me from agreeing with you.

"EB: - Thank you for your kind words. There might just be a little something special in your pay envelope on Friday (but not money...we ain't that tight yet).

"Glenda" - Okay, America can be functional but we wouldn't want that at TBR.

"Callooh" - You are only off the enemies list because I put up a new template (it comes down tonight)

June 19, 2006 5:18 PM  
Blogger Callooh said...

whew, (I think)

was about to rearrange my bumper stickers....

June 19, 2006 7:46 PM  
Anonymous Dude said...

No Callooh, Rex still feels you are appallingly dangerous to society and a menace to mankind. Rest at ease.

June 19, 2006 7:56 PM  
Blogger sumo said...

Looks like Ann/dy Coulter is taking to wearing some color as opposed to the smart little black cocktail dress that s/he never takes off. Although I do believe she went into the tan tank for the rich color on the legs. But I still have to wonder why a patriot like Ann/dy would sit on the flag...I thought there was a law about flag desecration.

June 19, 2006 11:25 PM  
Anonymous Dude said...

If those are Ann Coulter's legs...I'm an Astronaut! Ann Coulter’s legs look like flex straws.

June 19, 2006 11:39 PM  
Blogger GraemeAnfinson said...

Sometimes America is a whore, but that can be a good thing

June 20, 2006 2:36 AM  
Blogger Elizabeth Branford said...

GRaeme! HAHAHAHAHAHAA

June 22, 2006 11:31 AM  

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