Wednesday, June 07, 2006

CLINTON BEATS UP HELPLESS WOMAN

Ann Coulter Victimized by Former “Misogynist-in-Chief”

(New York) Former President Bill Clinton, evidently not satisfied with bringing dishonor to the White House, today attempted to bring dishonor to America’s sweetheart by allowing his out-of-control wife to
question patriotic pundit Ann Coulter’s views on 9/11 (“The Day That Changed Everything©.”) As if that weren’t enough, the former presidential philanderer later inappropriately propositioned the virginal vision of virtue by, according to reliable sources, inviting her to join Clinton and his sexually-ambiguous wife for a night of “bi-partisan bi-sexuality” at the Waldorf-Astoria the Clintons list as their official New York address.

“Now I know how Monica felt,” credibly sobbed a clearly offended Coulter to women’s rights advocate Rush Limbaugh’s national radio audience. “First they questioned my womanly abilities, and then they tried to take advantage of them. I’d ask if they have no shame, but we all know that question was answered long ago.”

Coulter’s traumatic ordeal began early in the day, when she and “Senator” Clinton crossed paths at a 5th Avenue Barnes and Noble. Coulter, of course, was there to appease the thousands of right-thinking Americans waiting in line for her autograph on the next great piece of American literature, Godless: The Church of Liberalism, while “Hedonist Hillary” was engrossed with her daily purveying of the retailer’s offerings in the “America-Hating” section. That’s when Clinton, displaying a false sense of entitlement “earned” by engaging in a sham marriage with America’s worst President, lumbered to the front of the line and accosted the nation’s nicest neo-con.

“Hillary, all the while trying to look down my blouse even though it was buttoned to the neck, called me a ‘dirty, dirty girl’ for questioning the motives of the 9/11 widows, and also panted that “I need to be spanked.’ Coulter responded by calmly summoning her Secret Service detail, who briefly detained the pseudo-New Yorker while Coulter bravely retreated from the scene in an armor-plated Humvee.

Believing the ugly incident was behind her, Coulter relaxed while enjoying high tea at the Waldorf, when she was approached by a “waiter” bearing a disturbing resemblance to Al Gore. This member of the servant class delivered a hand-written note etched upon old, fading White House stationary inviting chaste Coulter to join the writer (self-identified as “Bubba”) and “the old lady” in the ex-Presidential suite. Displaying the kind of grace under pressure exclusive to conservatives, Coulter instead paid the “waiter” a small sum to take her place in the suite’s sexual sickness. “If he’s a Democrat, I’m sure he enjoyed it,” correctly surmised Coulter, a prim-yet-mischievous grin upon her face.

8 Comments:

Blogger Lew Scannon said...

I'm sorry, Ms. Coulter, but you have hit that wall. Soon you will join the ranks of other oddly shaped middle aged women who don't realize that short skirts and tight sweaters don't make you look young and sexy, only ridiculous.

June 07, 2006 11:32 PM  
Anonymous gordo said...

Rex--

Make sure you keep on the lookout for people who try to steal this post for their own websites. This has "Drudge Report" written all over it, and it wouldn't be the first time that he stole your material.

June 08, 2006 2:05 AM  
Blogger GraemeAnfinson said...

Why does the imagine of Hillary Clinton trying to sneak-a-peak down Ann Coulter's shirt turn me on?

June 08, 2006 3:53 AM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Lew: Many people say that Miss Ann's "odd shape" (some say "freakish deformities") only add to her allure.

Gordo: Matt Drudge, as everyone knows, is a two-bit hack, as my multiple lawsuits against him will ultimately bear out.

Graeme: Because you're a liberal. Duh!

June 08, 2006 7:52 AM  
Blogger pissed off patricia said...

I view Ms/Mr Adam's Apple just the way I view dog shit. Accept it will be there. Accept that it smells bad. Avoid stepping in it and never get close enough to examine what it's made of.

June 08, 2006 9:29 AM  
Anonymous abi said...

How can you blame Clinton - either Clinton - for being smitten by a charmer like Coulter?

And BTW, the "virginal" part of " virginal vision of virtue" should come as no surprise to anyone. She's just saving herself for Jesus.

June 08, 2006 10:49 AM  
Blogger Kvatch said...

Lew: Many people say that Miss Ann's "odd shape" (some say "freakish deformities") only add to her allure.

But Rex, the real question is: Which came first? The "odd shape", or the leather bustiers that our "First Lady of Whup-ass" used to sport on her book covers?

June 08, 2006 11:27 AM  
Blogger pissed off patricia said...

Ann's good. Especially with a little salt and pepper. Warning though, lots of bones.

My verification word is "yaggaa"
It's what you do after too much ann.

June 09, 2006 4:04 PM  

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