Tuesday, May 30, 2006

SUPREME COURT SPANKS TATTLE-TELLERS

Whistle-Blowing Decreed Un-American

(Washington) Ask any red-blooded American boy on our nation’s playgrounds, and he’ll tell you that nobody likes a snitch. Some of those boys, if they love America enough, grow up to be Supreme Court Justices, and today
five of them voted to take the whistle-blowers’ balls and go home. “There ought to be limits to freedom*,” responded President Bush, another former all-American boy who grew up loving America, when informed of the court’s decision. “I mean, I didn’t see ‘tattling’ mentioned in the 2nd Amendment. It is the 2nd Amendment, right? The one that talks about the freedom of speech thing? Damn, there’s so many of them it makes my head hurt!”

Citing landmark precedents such as Loose Lips v. Sinks Ships and Bounces Off Me v. Sticks to You, Justices Kennedy, Scalia, Alito, Roberts and Thomas decided that a nation of government squealers is not one they wanted to live in. With the ruling, government employees who report the alleged “wrong-doings” of their more America-loving superiors will be unable to sue the government in the event their careers are (rightfully) negatively affected by their treason. “This decision effectively kills two birds with one stone,” expressed Justice Kennedy in writing for the majority. “I can think of few things less patriotic than tattling and frivolous lawsuits. This court today, it is my hope and the hope of all right-thinking Americans, puts an end to both.”

While the case somewhat eased the minds of those in government who think of nothing but how to keep you safe from the terrorist horde, it is the continued actions of another terrorist horde that still concerns those who love America so much that sometimes they’re forced to do things that might, upon first glance, appear less-than-legal. “The media still has way too much freedom,” accurately assessed White House spokesman Tony Snow. Snow, a former fair-and-balanced journalist, knows better than most the dangers a free press presents to a democracy fighting an undeclared, never-ending war. “It is the President’s hope that the Supreme Court will choose to hear the merits of Freedom of the Press v. Freedom FROM the Press soon.

* - Indicates Actual Quote

13 Comments:

Anonymous gordo said...

The tattletales I can handle, it's the ear-splitting shriek of those whistling whistleblowers that get on my last nerve.

Things had gotten to the point that no amount of connections could allow a corporation to get an unexamined, multibillion-dollar contract without finding itself in the spotlight.

And that point, clearly, was not where patriotic Americans wanted to be.

May 30, 2006 10:46 PM  
Blogger Kvatch said...

Freedom of the Press v. Freedom FROM the Press soon.

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of free press, or prohibiting the freedom from it"

Knew it was in there!

May 31, 2006 1:56 AM  
Blogger Cassandra said...

Apparently, freedom has become akin to a rich dessert...naturally everyone wants *some* but it is best not to gorge upon *too much* of a good thing.

I guess I need to stick with only a small scoop of freedom, please.

May 31, 2006 3:04 AM  
Blogger sumo said...

Somebody has got to stop all this nonsense...and soon.

May 31, 2006 6:06 AM  
Blogger Callooh said...

"There ought to be limits to freedom*," - well ther ya have it, don't cha?

oh, wait! I forgot where I was - there already ARE limits to yer freedoms!

'cept fer yer guns, ownin' trucks, and playin' good ol' countree muzac.

god bless 'merica.... y'all sure cud uze it.

May 31, 2006 10:32 AM  
Blogger Reichsminister Karl said...

You're citing the Constitution ... how quaint!

May 31, 2006 12:30 PM  
Blogger pissed off patricia said...

Is there a copy of the constitution left that hasn't been cut up and left with little holes in it? If you have one hang on to it because one day those things are going to be worth something on E-bay.

The fine Alito has already paid for himself with this one decision. *No one could have guessed where he would come down on this question, could they?

*that's my snark bite for the day

May 31, 2006 12:56 PM  
Blogger ThePoetryMan said...

Now this is what I call Irony, Pathos, and a large dose of fun! I shall now install you on to the growing list of Echoing Voices on me blog, matey!

It's amazing what I miss while jetting `rouund the net-o-sphere!

May 31, 2006 3:10 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

This was an excellent decision by the Supreme Court. Only trouble is, there are still four of those weak-kneed bedwetting liberals still sitting on the Court. The sooner we get rid of them ("accidents" will happen) the better.

May 31, 2006 3:39 PM  
Anonymous Adorable Girlfriend said...

I love when 'the decider' makes this decisions. He is the apitome of spoiled little brat that needs to be put over papi's knee.

What happened to the any president elected in a 0 ending year is either assinated or an attempt is made?

Hello, schizophrenics?! You are not doing your job as deinstitutionalized, unmedicated because drugs are too expensive and we got a war to pay for, law abiding citizens!

May 31, 2006 7:42 PM  
Blogger sumo said...

LOL A.Girlfriend...

June 01, 2006 5:51 AM  
Blogger Elizabeth Branford said...

damned freedoms..damned self righteous entitled so-called whistle blowers.

Secrecy has its place. There's no need to be alarming the public with stuff like "information" and "truthiness".

June 02, 2006 7:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous in Secret Service said...

A Girlfriend,
What do you think that pretzel was? We tried early on, but since then Dick Cheney hasn't let him out of his sight and no-one around here dares piss him off.

June 03, 2006 8:17 AM  

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