NYT HATES AMERICA…AGAIN!!!

“Tokyo Rose” of Newspapers Addicted to Treason?

(New York) For the second time in less than a year the elitist liberal New York Times has not only given aid and comfort to the enemy, but also fluffed their pillows and tucked them into bed with an awkward kiss on the forehead. Hillary Clinton’s favorite newspaper, not content with letting terrorists know that their phone calls may be monitored, recently revealed to those who would do us harm that their financial transaction records are of interest to the forces of freedom. “We’re at war, and for the Times to release information about secret operations and methods is treasonous,*” patriotically accused Rep. Peter King (R-NY,) chairman of the House Homeland Security Committee. So righteously incensed was the always hyperbole-free King that he contacted Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, and conveyed to the only Mexican he knows that the newspaper publisher, editor, reporter, and delivery boy should also be investigated, prosecuted, and ultimately hanged from the tallest tree in Brooklyn.

Congressman King’s call for blood was lauded by patriotic pundit Ann Coulter, who has long called for the New York Times headquarters in Manhattan to be napalmed, and who has volunteered to do the staffing herself. “My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is that he did not go to the New York Times Building,*” remarked Coulter, expressing the viewpoint of all right-thinking Americans. “Give me a U-Haul truck, three tons of fertilizer and a fully-occupied Times Building, and I’ll make America infinitely safer!”

Despite the Teutonic talking head’s passion, King’s views weren’t shared by all of his Republican Capitol Hill comrades. Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Arlen Specter (R-PA,) attempted to douse the flames of popular sentiment with his usual Democrat-leaning mealy-mouthiness. “On the basis of the newspaper article, I think it’s premature to call for a prosecution of the New York Times,*” commented Specter and who sounds remarkably like Howard Dean. The senior senator (for now) from Pennsylvania also advocated withholding judgment on Osama bin Laden and Adolph Hitler “until all the facts are in.”

Rep. King was not swayed in his search for righteous vengeance by the treasonous Specter, or by the fact that the same story was reported by others in the print media, including the usually-patriotic Wall Street Journal. The Times, King correctly pointed out, should be held accountable for its actions as it has always been “more concerned about a left-wing elitist agenda than it is about the security of the American people.*” King also pointed out that the Sunday edition is ungainly, and the crossword puzzles are “awful hard.”

While Attorney General Gonzales has not yet ruled out a long-overdue investigation of al Qaeda’s favorite daily, others in the Bush administration strongly believe that the time for niceties has passed. “I’m not saying we’re going to drop a MOAB on them or anything, but I’m not saying we’re not,” giggled a giddy Donald Rumsfeld. “All options are on the table.”

* - Indicates Actual Quote