COMING SOON: THE NEW SG!!!
Sabbatical Accomplished, Rex Returns!
(Orlando) In a completely-spontaneous press conference attended exclusively by America’s brightest and bravest warriors in the War on Terror (i.e. Republican Congressional staffers,) new Spurious George spokesman Ari Fleischer today announced the news of every Christian-conservative’s second most-favorite promised return; that of Rex Kramer (Danger-Seeker!) “Contrary to Howard Dean’s deepest, twisted desire, Rex Kramer is not dead,” dead-panned Fleischer, who gave up his promising stand-up career to be the face of a revamped Spurious George. “He has returned, and I should point out, is more America-loving than ever!”
Quieting chants of “Rex! Rex! Rex!” Fleischer went on to announce that coinciding with Kramer’s imminent return will be a new, improved SG site more befitting a pundit of his stature (approximately 6’2.) “The new site will be redder, bluer, but not necessarily whiter.” Fleischer explained that in keeping with the GOP’s compassionate conservative outreach to people of color, Spurious George would attempt to speak to a wider, yet still freedom-loving, audience. “I can assure you that Rex is ‘down with the brothers and sisters,’ so to speak, and the new site will reflect that.” The über-hip spokesman/playah the broke into an impromptu rap, the lyrics of which were mostly unintelligible.
A “Camp Casey”-wearing party crasher who asked the reason for Kramer’s Dave Chappelle-like disappearance was quickly escorted from the room and into a waiting armored Hummer, but Fleischer cheerfully responded. “Rex has been busy fighting the good, conservative fight…helping Rush Limbaugh with his addiction issues, Katherine Harris with her campaign issues, and Scooter Libby with his legal issues. I should also point out that for his efforts, Rex was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom…his seventeenth such award.”
While no firm date has been set for Kramer’s and Spurious George’s return, Fleischer assured all that the glorious event would be sooner rather than later. “Rex’s absence is in its last throes; I suspect it’ll be days rather than weeks.”