Sunday, July 30, 2006

GIBSON ON DUI: “JEWS MADE ME DO IT!”

Mourning Messiah’s Murder, Mel Met Manishevitz

(Los Angeles) While much of liberal and very-Jewish Hollywood has been damning patriotic and Christ-loving actor/director Mel Gibson for the
anti-Semitic slurs he made during his recent DUI arrest, those close to the “Passion of the Christ” director have come forward to testify that his remarks were in fact a cry for help. “The more Mr. Gibson learned about how deceitfully the Lord had been betrayed, the more depressed he became. Even his $100 million dollar bank account couldn’t console him,” offered longtime Jewish friend, attorney Alan Dershowitz. “Sadly, he turned the water of his tears into wine for his liver. Ironically, it was Manishevitz wine that became his drink of choice.”

Dershowitz explained that when Gibson asked the arresting officer, “Are you a Jew?” he did so not with the intent of insulting the officer or the Jewish faith, but rather in the hope that the cop might have some of Gibson’s favorite drink readily available. “One wouldn’t ask, for example, an Irish flatfoot for a glass of Jewish wine. Whiskey? Absolutely! Beer? Without a doubt! I mean, everyone knows the ‘Micks’ are an alcoholic bunch!”

Gibson’s attorney further addressed other racist remarks the hero of three “Lethal Weapon” movies allegedly made, the most damning of which was, “the Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world.” According to Dershowitz, this accusation was aimed more at Gibson’s own faith than at the descendants of David. “As everyone knows, Christianity is merely the sequel to Judaism. Thus, by ‘blaming’ the Jews, he was merely pointing out that Christians bear some responsibility for man’s inhumanity toward man.” Dershowitz also pointed out that his client intended to say that it was actually the Islamic rejection of the Jews that created world-wide strife. “Clearly, this is the Muslims’ fault. Everyone knows they’re a peace-hating people.”

Gibson himself made no official comment, citing the Judeo-Christian right against self-incrimination, but through Dershowitz offered an apology for his misconstrued remarks. “I have nothing but brotherly love for my Jewish brothers, despite the fact that they killed Jesus Christ. I humbly ask for their prayers….if Jews pray, that is...for my recovery from my addiction to their delicious, Jesus-hating wine.”


Note to Loyal SG Readers: The SG staff will endeavor over the next week or so to post when possible (our goal is three times per week) until the new site is up and running. We thank you for your patience and continued patronage in the interim.

9 Comments:

Blogger PTCruiser said...

It's about goddamn time, Kramer!

July 30, 2006 4:58 PM  
Blogger Carrie Oakey said...

I think Mr. Gibson (please return my phone calls!) was merely asking the police officer if in fact he was a Jew so he could apologize for The Passion Of The Christ, a fine film that accurately portrayed the Jews for the Christ killers they are! At least they're on our side now!

July 30, 2006 10:23 PM  
Blogger GraemeAnfinson said...

nice to see you back Rex. It is also nice to see Mel is still crazy. I am looking forward to his next flick though

July 31, 2006 5:40 AM  
Blogger sumo said...

Graeme...Barbara Walters wants you to boycott his films from now on...you don't have to be Jewish to boycott btw.

July 31, 2006 10:25 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

RexHeads:

We here at Kramerica Headquarters sincerely thank you, on Rex's behalf, for remaining true to the neo-con and paleo-con cause in his absence. Your loyalty will be rewarded not only in the afterlife, but in the (coming soon) rebirth of Spurious George!

Praise be to Bush!

-Rex Kramer (by proxy)

August 01, 2006 12:33 AM  
Blogger pissed off patricia said...

Well shit! Who the hell knew you were back? I would check you site day after day and then I fall off the turnip wagon for a couple of days and there you are. Cool!

Mel is a non-interest of mine.

Welcome back! And yes I still have my hippie ways about me.

August 01, 2006 8:57 AM  
Blogger Kathy said...

Liberal Hollywood? It's a good thing they're liberal or those Lethal Weapon movies would never have been made because of all the violence. ;-)

August 01, 2006 3:34 PM  
Blogger glenda said...

Hey, glad to see you're up and running again. You loyal hippie fans miss you...

August 02, 2006 9:50 AM  
Blogger The Heretik said...

Oh, Jeez. Us.

August 04, 2006 2:20 AM  

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