Saturday, November 26, 2005


Ex-FEMA Director “The Can-Do Guy” Uppity Iraqis Need

(New York) President Bush today announced that, effective immediately, former FEMA director extraordinaire Michael Brown would oversee the “broad stroke” functions of the latest Iraqi government. Brown’s appointment comes on the heels of foolish Iraqi calls for a US pullout from that country, which the President rightfully labeled “ungrateful and uppity.”

Brown, known worldwide as the “Savior of New Orleans” for his bold and effective leadership in the efforts to manage the Hurricane Katrina disaster, said that he declined several offers to head major corporations so that he could once again have the honor of serving the American people. Brown, who speaks Farsi as fluently as a Basra Arabian horse breeder, and is familiar with the Iraqi culture having served as General Norman Schwarzkopf’s aide-de-camp during Desert Storm, brings to his position an understanding of the “big picture” that many short-sighted Iraqis lack. “Under the thumb of Saddam, as these poor underprivileged people were for so long, they have been brainwashed to hate freedom,” accurately assessed Brown. “It is my intent to make them understand, by force if necessary, that the US is to be seen as liberators, not conquerors. I truly believe that in the end, that is how we will be seen.”

“I just know Brownie will do a helluva job,” the understated Bush announced, as he draped around Brown’s neck the Medal of Freedom he will no doubt earn in the near future. “I have full confidenceness that Brownie will bring the same compassion and competence to the undeserving people of Iraq that he brought to the undeserving people of Louisiana.”

Brown left the White House press conference and traveled immediately to New York, where he plans to attend to his new post from a floor of suites at the Waldorf-Astoria. A spokesman for the new Iraqi governor informed the pesky press that Brown would, if necessary, visit Iraq from time to time, but that he intended to delegate much of the day-to-day operations of the country to Iraq’s elected leaders. Wisely summarized the spokesman, “There’s no real reason to hurry over there. I mean, everything seems to be going so well right now.”


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