Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Alito Asks, “What’s Abortion?”

(Topeka) Facing mounting criticism by baby-killer advocates, legal titan Judge Samuel Alito proved beyond any reasonable doubt his lack of any pre-conceptions regarding Roe v. Wade when he informed an influential Senator that he had never even heard of abortion. According to Senator Sam Brownback (R-KS) who spoke with the future Supreme Court Justice at a recent Operation Rescue fundraiser, for his entire life the appellate court judge has been so immersed in the strict interpretation of the Constitution that he was completely unaware that mothers actually murder their unborn babies.

“Judge Alito, when informed that infanticide has been legal in this country since 1973, was, as you can imagine, surprised, but not in a biased way,” reported the impartial Brownback. “In fact, once he had stopped weeping, he pledged to me that if the drafters of the Constitution had intended to protect such atrocities, he would abide by their wisdom. Folks, this is one seriously fair and balanced man.”

Kim Gandy, president of the National Organization of Women (NOW) and possibly the veteran of several late-term abortions, predictably was unmoved in her baseless opinion that Alito would overturn the favorite Supreme Court decision of sluts everywhere. “Judge Alito is on record as stating that abortion is not Constitutionally-protected, and in his 1985 application to the Justice Department stated as such.”

Gandy, who in 1985 was most likely preparing to kill her third child, offered no proof of these absurd assertions, other than a heavily-redacted document recently released from the Holy Archives of Ronald Reagan. Responded Concerned Women of America (CWA) founder and icon of American female purity Beverly LaHaye, “Obviously Gandy and her fellow hairy-legged comrades are, unlike Judge Alito, unbending in their position.”

Alito, as is his right, declined to address the issue, as he may in the future have to decide a similar case based upon facts different from Roe v. Wade. The fair-minded jurist, however, did stated that if such a case came before him he would weigh each side, those of the baby-killers and the upright, moral Christians, equally.


Post a Comment

<< Home