Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Kenneth Starr Named to Probe Intel Leak

(Tupelo, MS) Senator Trent Lott (R-MS,) friend to the Negro, today announced the formation of a mono-partisan committee that will investigate the leak regarding secret CIA prisons in Eastern Europe and elsewhere. The Mississippi Republican named Kenneth Starr, the special council responsible for the overthrow of known pedophile Bill Clinton, to spearhead the probe.

“A serious offense has been committed against the security of this nation, one that involves the deepest secrets our government possesses, in our best interests of course, and one that may involve oral sex” harrumphed the possibly-drunk Senator. “We, and by ‘we’ I mean me and the boys down at the Klan hall, have full confidence that Mr. Starr will take this investigation to its’ logical conclusion; that Hillary Clinton, in her hatred of America and the penis, has betrayed her country.”

When reminded that the existence of the Eastern European “al Qaeda day spas” was released only to Republican senators by the vice president, Lott remarked, “That just shows how vast Senator Clinton’s spy network is. Why, I wouldn’t be surprised is Mrs. Clinton, if I may precariously use the feminine title, used her former First Lady privileges to have Senator Mel Martinez wired for sound.”

Mr. Starr assured the gathered reporters, who ranged in their political stripe from Fox News to the Washington Times, that his investigation would not be a partisan witch hunt. “Anyone who knows me knows that I have never, ever infused politics into any of my investigations of Democratic shenanigans. That said, it’s most likely Bill Clinton’s fault.”

In an unrelated development, White House spokesman Scott McClellan today announced that a terrorist cell located in Venezuela most likely plotted and executed the 9/11 attacks.


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