Monday, November 28, 2005

RICE: IRAQ VICTORY “ALMOST COMPLETE”

Iraqi Troops “Almost, Not Quite” As US, Better Than French

(San Francisco) Secretary of State Rice, meeting today with the President of recently de-annexed city of San Francisco, announced that the Iraqi government is almost ready to defend the country against the last throes of the insurgency. Rice stated that upon meeting with Iraq President Talabani last week she was told, good-naturedly, “Get the (censored) out of my house, bitch!” The Secretary stated that she took Talabani’s remark as a humorous way of saying thank you to the US for their assistance during this transitional period, and that the Iraqi people are almost ready to join the freedom-loving world community.

“It’s so cute,” said Rice. “They have soldiers with uniforms and everything!”

Rice assured the American people that while the Iraqi army is getting better every day, they are still no match for the American soldier. “It is still the American GI that keeps Iraq out of the hands of the terrorists. The training wheels are off, but daddy’s not ready to let his little girls ride out of the driveway yet.”

However, Rice, who as a Lt. General was assigned to NATO command during the Cold War, says that the brave Iraqi troops compare well to those of more established armies. “The Iraqis are battle-tested and hardened, unlike, say, the French. I’m almost certain that if they were to, hypothetically, invade France, they’d take Paris within two weeks.” Rice quickly added that the US would not tolerate such an attack, unless, of course, if the frog-eaters get uppity again. “All options are on the table” she diplomatically explained.

An annoying, probably gay reporter asked the Secretary how the Iraqi Army, which supposedly only had 700 fully-trained soldiers as little as a week ago, could be expected to defend against an insurgency of thousands. “That 700 number was a reality-based number. In theory, there are over 700,000 well-trained soldiers over there. Certainly, that would be enough, no? This administration has said all along that it will not bend to Democrats’ pressure to make our soldiers stay in harm’s way for decades. Unlike them, we love our soliders.”

3 Comments:

Blogger AJ said...

Rex,

I suppose for a cop, you need your sense of humor intact at all times, and your excellent wit and humor/writing skills is enviable.
It is very difficult to maintain a healthy sense of humor in these strange times, but you do it well.
If you are currently an unknown writer, I am confident that will change in the next few months. I think I remember starting reading Jeff Wells(rigorous intuition) a year ago, when he actually had time to answer his emails....now he gets dozens of (very articulate)comments on each post.
My wish is (try) to emulate those serious sides of issues with a class act of humor such as yours!
Absolutely excellent posting Rex!
I am green with envy!
aj

November 28, 2005 9:43 PM  
Anonymous Rex Kramer said...

I just love it when my mom pops in.

Seriously, thanks for the kudos. Even though this blog is meant as a screaming wall for me, it's good to know that 1 or 2 peoples might read it from time to time.

-Rex

November 29, 2005 12:26 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Rex,

Sorry, I'm not your mom, but you can pay me that Jackson...or was it a Grant? Anytime next week at your convenience will be fine. (And)..... more will come. :)
guaranteed.
aj

November 30, 2005 7:47 PM  

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