SEN. HATCH ON IRAQ: “IT’S NOT VIETNAM”

Utah Patriot Misquoted By Liberal Media

(Provo, Utah) Senator Orrin Hatch (R-UT) knew firsthand the horrors of combat during America’s last, and to date only, unpopular war. “Unlike Congressman Murtha and the rest of the Michael Moore sect of the so-called Democratic Party, I was there in Vietnam,” said the normally media-shy Hatch. “Believe me, I know the difference between Vietnam and Iraq.”

Hatch, who may have earned numerous awards superior to those bought at the state-side post exchange by desk-jockey Murtha, went on to explain that while both nations are on the Asian continent, they are in fact very far apart. In addition, the astute senior statesman pointed out that while both enemies were little heathen bastards, the Vietnamese were of the “yellow, godless” type, while the enemies of the emerging Iraqi democracy were more “brownish and false-god”-like.

The Senator felt compelled to draw attention to the stark differences between the two conflicts after it was widely and falsely reported that he had, in an interview on the always fair and balanced FOX News, mistakenly referred to Iraq as Vietnam.

“I know what I said, and what I said was ‘Iraq,” rightly asserted the right-thinking Hatch. “Obviously, the leftist out-of-the-mainstream media had a little fun at my expense, but what else do you expect in liberal Utah?” The Senator went on to say that if in the extremely unlikely event that his did misspeak, his error should be placed in it’s correct context.

“Although I don’t normally like to make such things public, just prior to that broadcast I was visiting a Provo Old Soldiers’ Home, where I received a lifetime achievement award from the Vietnam veterans group.” An anonymous staffer confirmed that Hatch is a regular visitor to the home, where the teary-eyed old warhorse can often be found dressing the wounds of old veterans, or warmly reminiscing about shared combat stories. “Obviously, that very emotional and deeply personal experience was still on my mind when, in what goes against my nature, I spoke to the press about my deep disgust with those who would have us cut and run.”

Congressman Tom DeLay (R-TX,) who knows a thing or two about being misquoted by the liberal media and partisan prosecutors, rushed to the defense of his former commander during their defense of Saigon. “People like John Murtha, who sat idly by while true patriots like myself and Orrin defended our freedom, can never understand how that war, and the despair we felt hearing of the protests back home, stay with us to this day.” DeLay wiped away a tear before continuing. “I’d follow that man anywhere!”