Friday, February 17, 2006


Bush Visits FL, Hints at Post-2008 Plans

(Orlando) Orlando, home to such American icons as Disney World, tax-free incomes and Spurious George, went into patriotic vapor lock with
the arrival of the American icon, President George W. Bush. In a state he carried twice and in which he enjoys a 99.97% approval rating, the President was greeted on the runway by his brother and heir-apparent Governor Jeb Bush with a firm, manly handshake and a crisp salute. “I know he’s my brother and all,” the Governor was heard to say, “but damn, isn’t he magnificent?”

It would appear that the people of this freedom-loving city agreed with that understatement, as they thronged by the millions wherever the President traveled, welcoming him not as a conqueror, but as a hero. At his first stop at a local elementary school, Bush re-created his brave 9/11 reading of the classic “My Pet Goat,” and explained to students how
his proposed budget that calls for $12.7 billion cuts in funding for education will ultimately benefit them. “You see, I believe that children are our future. In the future, unlike the present or the past, people will not expect things to be handed to them. Things like education. People will have to earn things like education. May God continue to bless America.”

Leaving the children behind, the presidential procession of patriotism motored onto Winter Park’s VA Hospital, where he was warmly greeted by his fellow Vietnam veterans, some of whom may have served with and been disgusted by Sen. John Kerry (D-MA.) In a speech before his band of brothers, Bush humbly announced a massive increase in Veteran’s Affairs spending, most of which will be dedicated to expanding health care services for those who fought for the freedoms most liberals take for granted. “Thanks to this administration, and with the support of a sizeable minority of Americans, we now have more disabled veterans than at any time since the early 1970’s,” proudly announced the first President to support our troops since his father was in office. “And so you see, we need more hospital beds, more artificial limbs, more, I don’t know, medical stuff. This stuff, like freedom, isn’t free. May God continue to bless America.”

From there Bush traveled in an armored hybrid-powered Humvee to Disney’s Animal Kingdom, where he marveled at Florida’s diverse population of indigenous animals. Correctly remarking that “those who say urban sprawl is uncontrolled in Central Florida have not seen, as I have, the healthy populations of native Florida zebra and subtropical elephant that roam free here,” Bush also took time during his stop to needlessly defend his modest cuts in spending for
healthcare and the environment. “Those of us who believe in intelligent design know that God doesn’t need government’s help in healing folks or critters. To suggest otherwise only serves to bring aid and comfort to God’s enemies. May God continue to bless America. Oh, and God.”

The President’s final stop was at an impromptu GOP fundraiser hosted by Spurious George’s own Rex Kramer at his humble quail-hunting ranch. After being loosened up by a few tonic waters and a slice or two of Mrs. Danger-Seeker’s famous American cherry pie (don’t tell Laura; he’s on a diet,) Bush confided that once his glorious reign sadly comes to an end, he may make the Sunshine State his permanent home. “Heck,
maybe Jeb and I will just switch jobs,” half-joked America’s greatest living President. “If God blesses America, and you just know that he does, I’m certain that’s what He wants.”


Anonymous June Cleaver Kramer said...

Not to challenge your authority of our household, dear, but it is important that you make a correction to your latest, wonderful post. The dessert served tonight was in fact the more American dish of Apple pie a la mode (I'm sorry, "with ice cream".) I almost broke my pearl necklace in shock when I read your (rare)error. Please forgive me for breaking away from my household duties and planning committee for my "Daughters of the American Revolution" event, but I didn't want to leave my sweetheart open to any liberal attacks...

February 17, 2006 9:08 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

That's my wife...I think I'll keep her.

February 17, 2006 10:53 PM  
Anonymous abi said...

Just like a wife to embarrass you in front of millions of your adoring fans. But really, Rex — cherry pie? Was your God-fearing, morally upright Christian mind frolicking in the guttar?

BTW, the picture of the Bush boys with their hands almost touching reminded me of The Creation of Adam in the Sistine Chapel. You don' don't suppose...

February 18, 2006 1:13 AM  
Blogger Gadfly said...

Heeeeyyyy, I get it? It's sarcastic, right? Somewhere between getting here and reading your blog, I realized that I wasn't in Kansas anymore...but not OZ either. Would now be a bad time to suggest a third term for Bush, ya know, until the war is over and all? Oh well, funny stuff though...Keep on keeping on.

February 18, 2006 2:24 AM  
Anonymous Dude said...

Leaving the children behind...

Irony drips from your keyboard Mr. Kramer like blood from a wounded lawyer.

February 18, 2006 3:20 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

personally was taken back with the subtle yet effective "maybe Jeb and I will just switch"..,
link. Y'all know it, all started near Disneyland.

February 18, 2006 8:37 AM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Abi: Oh, I DO suppose. I mean, once you connect the dots, it all makes sense.

Gadfly: Sarcasm? I don't know the meaning of the word!

(No, seriously, I don't. Sounds vaguely scientific.)

Dude: Irony? Again with the big, scientific words! Listen people, we're intelligent design-believing folks around here. Keep that witchcraft vocabulary for your next egghead book club meeting.

AJ: You're soooooo going to hell for THINKING that, much less actually writing it.

February 18, 2006 9:10 AM  
Anonymous Disinterested Third Party said...

Speaking of connecting the dots did you see the uproariously funny photo of Harry Whittington on that wonderful The Blue Republic site...those guys are just...well, GENIUSES. There I said it.

February 18, 2006 11:30 AM  
Blogger Neil Shakespeare said...

Excellent report, Rex, thank you. I, too, believe that children should pull themselves up by their jockstraps and educate themselves. That soldiers should pray for new arms and legs and if that doesn't work, pray harder. And if that doesn't work, well, then they obviously don't believe hard enough.

February 18, 2006 2:14 PM  
Anonymous The Taint of anti-American phosphorescence said...

Mrs. Kramer dared use French in your holy forum? I hope you cut her off from her spending money and eliminate her bingo outing.

I WILL tell my DAR friends about this..they will no doubt hurl cucumber sandwiches at her.

February 18, 2006 3:06 PM  
Blogger Kvatch said...

Would now be a bad time to suggest a third term for Bush, ya know, until the war is over and all?

Third term? Hell yes! And while were at it, let's make it possible for naturalized citizens to run. Then we can have a Bushenegger campaign!

February 18, 2006 4:07 PM  
Blogger Gadfly said...

Sweet...Bushenegger sounds like a dirty Xrated breakfast.Republicans rule.

February 18, 2006 4:41 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Disinterested: Does America really NEED a third party? Heck, do they even need a second?

Neil: Now you're seeing the light!

Taint: Mrs. Danger-Seeker is clearly upset about her faux pas; the upside is she bakes when she's humiliated.

Kvatch: Oh, if only!

Gadfly: We do rule, and despite what that whole Congressional investigation into the handling of Katrina says, effectively!

February 19, 2006 1:27 AM  
Blogger fashiongirl said...

Rex - Your wife is a fembot. Back away slowly. You saw what happened to Austin Powers International Man of Mystery!

February 19, 2006 5:24 PM  

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