“I’M GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

Bush Visits FL, Hints at Post-2008 Plans

(Orlando) Orlando, home to such American icons as Disney World, tax-free incomes and Spurious George, went into patriotic vapor lock with the arrival of the American icon, President George W. Bush. In a state he carried twice and in which he enjoys a 99.97% approval rating, the President was greeted on the runway by his brother and heir-apparent Governor Jeb Bush with a firm, manly handshake and a crisp salute. “I know he’s my brother and all,” the Governor was heard to say, “but damn, isn’t he magnificent?”

It would appear that the people of this freedom-loving city agreed with that understatement, as they thronged by the millions wherever the President traveled, welcoming him not as a conqueror, but as a hero. At his first stop at a local elementary school, Bush re-created his brave 9/11 reading of the classic “My Pet Goat,” and explained to students how his proposed budget that calls for $12.7 billion cuts in funding for education will ultimately benefit them. “You see, I believe that children are our future. In the future, unlike the present or the past, people will not expect things to be handed to them. Things like education. People will have to earn things like education. May God continue to bless America.”



Leaving the children behind, the presidential procession of patriotism motored onto Winter Park’s VA Hospital, where he was warmly greeted by his fellow Vietnam veterans, some of whom may have served with and been disgusted by Sen. John Kerry (D-MA.) In a speech before his band of brothers, Bush humbly announced a massive increase in Veteran’s Affairs spending, most of which will be dedicated to expanding health care services for those who fought for the freedoms most liberals take for granted. “Thanks to this administration, and with the support of a sizeable minority of Americans, we now have more disabled veterans than at any time since the early 1970’s,” proudly announced the first President to support our troops since his father was in office. “And so you see, we need more hospital beds, more artificial limbs, more, I don’t know, medical stuff. This stuff, like freedom, isn’t free. May God continue to bless America.”

From there Bush traveled in an armored hybrid-powered Humvee to Disney’s Animal Kingdom, where he marveled at Florida’s diverse population of indigenous animals. Correctly remarking that “those who say urban sprawl is uncontrolled in Central Florida have not seen, as I have, the healthy populations of native Florida zebra and subtropical elephant that roam free here,” Bush also took time during his stop to needlessly defend his modest cuts in spending for healthcare and the environment. “Those of us who believe in intelligent design know that God doesn’t need government’s help in healing folks or critters. To suggest otherwise only serves to bring aid and comfort to God’s enemies. May God continue to bless America. Oh, and God.”

The President’s final stop was at an impromptu GOP fundraiser hosted by Spurious George’s own Rex Kramer at his humble quail-hunting ranch. After being loosened up by a few tonic waters and a slice or two of Mrs. Danger-Seeker’s famous American cherry pie (don’t tell Laura; he’s on a diet,) Bush confided that once his glorious reign sadly comes to an end, he may make the Sunshine State his permanent home. “Heck, maybe Jeb and I will just switch jobs,” half-joked America’s greatest living President. “If God blesses America, and you just know that he does, I’m certain that’s what He wants.”