Thursday, February 09, 2006

PRESIDENT REVEALS TERROR PLOT DETAILS

Nefarious Plan Highlights Need for More Warrantless Wiretaps

(Washington) Like most men of shocking genius, President George Bush paints with broad strokes (his are redder, bluer and whiter than most,) and leaves the details to be worked out by inferior underlings. Today, however
, the President revealed in stunning detail a terrorist plot, thwarted by Constitutionally-righteous NSA wiretaps, that had it not been foiled, would have made 9/11 (the day that changed everything) seem like heaven…the Christian kind, not the infidel type with the virgins and the martyrs. “Sometime between 9/11 and one hour ago, some folks might have thought about damaging in some fashion a large building on America’s West Coast," exhaustively explained Bush while at the same time solving complex trigonometry problems during a speech at the National Guard Memorial Building...an edifice that, thanks to the President’s efforts in Iraq, is undergoing massive expansion. “Now, if the naysayers had their way, we’d have never discovered this evil plot, and LA or some other western town might’ve been blown to smithereens. Hard to say. May God continue to bless America.”

As if the President’s description in minute detail wasn’t enough, Homeland Security assistant to the president Frances Townsend offered ever greater clarity. “Arrests in this case might have been made, possibly in another undisclosed country. The suspects may or may not be in US custody, and could be on US or foreign soil as we speak. In any event, millions of American lives might have been saved. Or not. We’re done here, and this conversation never happened.”

White House spokesman Scott McClellan insisted the President’s definitive speech on the plot of those who would do us harm was an endorsement of multi-national cooperation in the War on Terror©, and not an unnecessary endorsement of domestic wiretapping. “Quite frankly, the President doesn’t need to defend the heroic and completely-legal efforts of the NSA to keep Americans safe from harm. That said, the President of course believes that the program, which has the blessing of Congress, is a vital tool in the never-ending War on Terror©. To suggest otherwise only gives aid and comfort to the enemy…an enemy, I might remind you, that may have considered attacking a west coast city.”

Administration officials brushed off whiney complaints made by LA mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, who cried to the mainstream media that he was never informed of the threat to “his” city. “First of all, we can’t reveal if Villaraigosa was even mayor at the time,” reasonably explained FBI director Robert Mueller. “Second, no one had said in any official capacity that LA was in fact the target. Finally, our files show that Villaraigosa is a former gang member who never graduated high school. Do you really think we’d trust someone like that with sensitive information?”


16 Comments:

Anonymous abi said...

Thanks for filling in the details, Rex. Those terrorists, if indeed they are terrorists, who may or may not have plotted this quite possibly evil deed in this or some other country will think twice next time, if there is a next time.

February 09, 2006 10:12 PM  
Anonymous RichM said...

My you are a danger seeker. Get right down in the middle of that "drill down to the bottom" report on domestic threats foiled once again by our Super President. I appreciate the sensitivity you have played in not divulging any national security data. How do you do it? Simply, where do you find such restraint?

February 09, 2006 11:00 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Abi: As they say, "the devil is in the details." Or is it "God is in the details?" In any event, Our Fearless Leader has once again shown the wisdom of his methods.

RichM: I am restrained only by my love for America and Our President...and really, who can say where one ends and one begins?

February 09, 2006 11:12 PM  
Anonymous Lily, Karma's Bitch said...

McLellan: "I refuse to comment on a possibly ongoing investigation. Unless it makes us look justified in doing things we may or may not tell you we are doing".

I wonder if our leader will use his power to abuse smite?

February 09, 2006 11:16 PM  
Blogger Lew Scannon said...

Well, God may or may not know that I may or may not sleep better at night knowing that Bush may or may not be protecting us from attacks that may or may not be carried out by terrorists who may or may not be of the freedom hatin' variety.


Mayor Maynot? Antonio Villaraigosa

Thaks, you may or may not have cleared this all up for me.

February 10, 2006 6:25 AM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Lily: Relevant members of Congress have been briefed on the President's smiting program, and senior people at the Justice Department agree that the President's power to smite is unlimited.

Lew: You should be thanking Bush, for it was he who may or may not have cleared up the issues.

February 10, 2006 8:14 AM  
Blogger Adorable Girlfriend said...

I'd like to see Kramerica and Rove in a one on one debate hosted by Barbara WaWa. Can it be done?

February 10, 2006 10:59 AM  
Anonymous abi said...

I'd like to see Kramerica and Rove...

Hmmm...why is it that I've never seen Rove and Rex in the same place at the same time? You don't suppose...

February 10, 2006 11:23 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

"...I've never seen Rove and Rex in the same place.."

Right on the mark AG & Abi.
I've always pondered the possibility that REX could be an NSA operative (operating) out of a cushy 5 star, "Resident Inn", in beautiful downtown Orlando,.
... if they keep us laughing, we can't fight back....

February 10, 2006 3:29 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Now, before the conspiracy theorists get a full head of steam, let me assure y'all that although I greatly admire Karl's work in exposing the leftist agenda for what it is (pure evil,) he and I disagree on a great number of issues. Primary among these is patriotism...while he merely talks about it, I LIVE it! Oh, and also he looks like a sweaty diseased hog, and I, for all my faults, do not.

February 10, 2006 5:47 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

He may look like a "sweaty diseased hog", both physically and spiritually, but i bet he makes more money than you.


it pays these days, to get a little dirty...

February 10, 2006 6:37 PM  
Anonymous Dude said...

"...I've never seen Rove and Rex in the same place.."

Two different people...my sources tell me that the President refers to Karl as "Turd Blossom" - Rex as "Gin Blossom".

February 10, 2006 6:51 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Noway Dude!

Rex is from Florida, might be more like

"Heini-Blossom".

unless he lives in a trailor park, in which case it would be:

"Bud(weiser) Blossom".

February 10, 2006 7:00 PM  
Anonymous lily said...

What if he lived in an RV parked outside of Epcott?? Miller Blossom?

Stop comparing Rex to Rove, we women only come here to be in the presence of the sexy danger seeker. Patriotism? pshaw.Its all about the Eagle on the bicep, the NRA cap, the patriotic magnets...and dammit, short hair and a freakin shave.

February 10, 2006 7:59 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

you mean size don't matter anymore?
darnnnnnnnn

February 10, 2006 8:32 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

For some time now, I have been working on the column that will earn me the Pulitzer that has, unfairly, thus far eluded me. Tentatively entitled, "The Joy of Rex: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About America's Danger-Seeker," it will dispel many misconceptions while simultaneously encouraging others. That said, let's address some of the assumptions made in this forum today...

"He may look like a "sweaty diseased hog", both physically and spiritually, but i bet he makes more money than you..."

Karl and I are both government employees, and thus we have both sacrificed personal wealth for service to the nation. While Mr. Rove, at the current time, earns more on the lecture circuit than do I, my beefcake calander is selling infinitely better.

"...my sources tell me that the President refers to Karl as "Turd Blossom" - Rex as "Gin Blossom."

"..."Heini-Blossom."

"...Bud(weiser) Blossom."

I was honored beyond words when the President Bush bestowed me with a nickname, something he only does for those who prove undying loyalty. The moniker? In recognition of my Florida roots, I am known to the inner circle (as well as the Secret Service) as "Orange Blossom."

"Stop comparing Rex to Rove, we women only come here to be in the presence of the sexy danger seeker. Patriotism? pshaw.Its all about the Eagle on the bicep, the NRA cap, the patriotic magnets...and dammit, short hair and a freakin shave."

If the truth be known, I do have an eagle on one bicep...and Lady Liberty on the other. Sometimes I rub them together and wonder what their offspring might look like. I am short-haired, clean-shaven, and magnet-festooned, but I am NOT a NRA member. I of course will fight to the death for my 2nd Amendment rights, but as a rugged individual, I don't "join" anything!

February 10, 2006 9:05 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home