PRESIDENT REVEALS TERROR PLOT DETAILS

Nefarious Plan Highlights Need for More Warrantless Wiretaps

(Washington) Like most men of shocking genius, President George Bush paints with broad strokes (his are redder, bluer and whiter than most,) and leaves the details to be worked out by inferior underlings. Today, however, the President revealed in stunning detail a terrorist plot, thwarted by Constitutionally-righteous NSA wiretaps, that had it not been foiled, would have made 9/11 (the day that changed everything) seem like heaven…the Christian kind, not the infidel type with the virgins and the martyrs. “Sometime between 9/11 and one hour ago, some folks might have thought about damaging in some fashion a large building on America’s West Coast," exhaustively explained Bush while at the same time solving complex trigonometry problems during a speech at the National Guard Memorial Building...an edifice that, thanks to the President’s efforts in Iraq, is undergoing massive expansion. “Now, if the naysayers had their way, we’d have never discovered this evil plot, and LA or some other western town might’ve been blown to smithereens. Hard to say. May God continue to bless America.”

As if the President’s description in minute detail wasn’t enough, Homeland Security assistant to the president Frances Townsend offered ever greater clarity. “Arrests in this case might have been made, possibly in another undisclosed country. The suspects may or may not be in US custody, and could be on US or foreign soil as we speak. In any event, millions of American lives might have been saved. Or not. We’re done here, and this conversation never happened.”

White House spokesman Scott McClellan insisted the President’s definitive speech on the plot of those who would do us harm was an endorsement of multi-national cooperation in the War on Terror©, and not an unnecessary endorsement of domestic wiretapping. “Quite frankly, the President doesn’t need to defend the heroic and completely-legal efforts of the NSA to keep Americans safe from harm. That said, the President of course believes that the program, which has the blessing of Congress, is a vital tool in the never-ending War on Terror©. To suggest otherwise only gives aid and comfort to the enemy…an enemy, I might remind you, that may have considered attacking a west coast city.”

Administration officials brushed off whiney complaints made by LA mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, who cried to the mainstream media that he was never informed of the threat to “his” city. “First of all, we can’t reveal if Villaraigosa was even mayor at the time,” reasonably explained FBI director Robert Mueller. “Second, no one had said in any official capacity that LA was in fact the target. Finally, our files show that Villaraigosa is a former gang member who never graduated high school. Do you really think we’d trust someone like that with sensitive information?”