Friday, February 03, 2006


Venezuelan President May Invade Poland, Hate Jews

(Washington) When Defense Secretary and human rights activist Donald
Rumsfeld justifiably compared Venezuela’s President Hugo Chavez to Adolph Hitler, it was not a flippant analogy of the intellectually-lazy, but rather the solid founding of extensive research. “Based on infallible US intelligence, I can now say with absolute moral certainty that Hugo Chavez is in fact the literal offspring of Adolph Hitler,” Rumsfeld announced to an astonished audience at the Jewish Defense League’s Washington, DC center. Rumsfeld explained that documents left behind by famed Nazi-hunter Elie Wiesel revealed that in 1945, and aided by al Qaeda, Hitler was smuggled into Brazil, where his evil seed was implanted inside the womb of female inmates at Sao Paulo’s “El Loco” Insane Asylum. “From that godless program came the likes of Evo Morales in Bolivia, Luiz Inacio Lula Da Silva in Brazil, Ricardo Lagos in Chile, and, of course, Hugo Chavez in Venezuela. Jew-hating national socialists all.”

Rumsfeld’s revelation was hailed worldwide by those who hate freedom-hating Nazis. “If a representative of George Bush’s government says Hugo Chavez is a Nazi, well, then it must be so,” responded British Prime Minister Tony Blair, leader of a nation that knows full well the folly of negotiating with Nazis, the terror of being attacked by Nazis, as well as the sweet feeling of righteousness that comes with kicking Nazi ass. “Clearly we must deal with Herr Chavez before he blitzes London or, worse, takes possession of the Lost Ark of the Covenant.”

President Bush, who addressed the pitfalls of isolationism in his brilliant and universally-hailed State of the Union Address on Tuesday, again raised the issue when commenting on Chavez’s possible plans for world domination. “Should we, as average Americans, huddle inside our mansions while Venezuela’s brown shirts build concentration camps, which my advisors tell me, really had nothing to do with concentration, except that they were a concentration of Nazi evil? Not on my watch!” The President also expressed concerns that, if left unchecked, Chavez’s Huns might make a grab for strategic land in Europe. “What about the Sudetenland? What about Czechoslovakialand? What about Poland?
John Kerry may have forgotten Poland, but I assure you, Führer Chavez has not. And neither have I. May God continue to bless America. And Poland. See? I didn’t forget Poland!”

As if on cue, in Caracas today “President” Chaves announced that he had signed a non-aggression pact with Russia, and ordered all Jews, homosexuals, and gypsies to report to local law enforcement for deportation to “re-education centers” throughout the country. In an announcement broadcast by state-owned radio, Chavez attempted to soothe apprehension by announcing that he sympathized with the historic plight of the Jewish people. “Their struggle is mein kampf. They should know that I place their safety and welfare über alles.”

Don’t say you weren’t warned: We told you today’s column would suck, didn’t we? Tomorrow, however? Pure gold. Stop by SG tomorrow for Rex Kramer’s patriotic Super Bowl preview, and also at The Blue Republic for more Kramerica (and yes, we know we’re whoring ourselves.)


Blogger Neil Shakespeare said...

What's with your comments, dude? I know blogger's been down, but I commented on this yesterday and there's nothing here and I still can't comment on your most recent. Everybody else seems to be back on the Blogger comments, but not you? Gosh, Rex, are they singling you out? Is the government onto you?!

February 05, 2006 9:38 AM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

I have my suspicions, Neil. This site was down much of Friday, and all of Saturday. The "Super Bowl" post (above) was uploaded Saturday at midnight, but couldn't be edited or even deleted. This morning I was finally able to access this site and other Blogger sites.

I think I smell a rejectionist conspiracy. Osama, perhaps?

February 05, 2006 10:59 AM  
Blogger Justin Delacour said...

Rex, I enjoyed your post on Hugo Chavez so much that I ran the first paragraph of it on my own blog and provided a link so that folks could drop by to read the rest here.

Thanks for keeping Americans alert about the dangers to our south.

February 07, 2006 3:10 AM  

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