Saturday, January 28, 2006

DEMOCRATS BOARD THE ALITO EXPRESS!

Next Stop: Pro-Life City for the Big Roe v. Wade Game!

(Washington) Intelligently ignoring the shrill call of treason issued by rejectionists John Kerry and Ted Kennedy, several Democratic senators have broken from Hillary Clinton’s mind-control witchcraft powers and rightfully supported the nomination of the overly-qualified Samuel Alito to the US Supreme Court. “I have every faith that Judge Alito will adhere to the rule of law, and no matter how tempting, will not invade
Poland,” aptly assessed Sen. Joe Lieberman (D-CT,) who in no way allowed the Beltway rumor that he has been tabbed to replace Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld affect his recent pro-America stances. “I suggest that all Democrats, if they love their country, appease the president and vote ‘ja’ for Alito.”

Lieberman’s capitulation was parroted by Bill Nelson (D-FL,) who faces scary opposition in his 2006 re-election bid from conservative goddess
Katherine Harris. “While I recognize the concerns 49% of Floridians have about Judge Alito’s views on executive powers, I am mindful that 51% of Sunshine Staters believe that unlimited executive powers are necessary to hunt down the brutal terrorists who lurk among us.” Nelson, who as a former astronaut knows a rising star when he sees one, is convinced that Alito represents the core values of his constituents. “He’s white, male, and Christian, as are the vast majority of my donors, er, supporters, um, Floridians. Have I mentioned that I love Jesus?”



Especially encouraging for Alito’s expected mandate from the Senate is the endorsement of the ultra-liberal Joe Biden (D-DE,) who, as a man without higher political aspirations, has always previously refused to bend to popular opinion. “I am cautiously optimistic, but not overly so, that possibly, maybe, Judge Alito will not vote to overturn Roe v. Wade. Unless, of course, he does. That said, if he does, it will be because he, and not I, decides that. I wash my hands of all of this.” Those close to Delaware’s senior senator revealed that they haven’t seen him this decisive since the September, 2001 vote to give President Bush unlimited powers to fight the wildly-successful War on Terror©.

Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist (R-TN) applauded the patriotic epiphanies of his across-the-aisle colleagues. “The bipartisan support of this nomination proves once again that the president is a uniter, not a divider. Hopefully, this spirit of surrender will continue when Justice Stevens dies, which, as a physician, I can assure you won’t be long now.”

Meanwhile, Senator Kerry, who never seems to tire of losing decisively, predictably refused to accept the reality of his situation. Kerry, who faces still competition from Hillary Clinton (D-NY) for the title of “worst nominee since Dukakis” in 2008 pathetically whines, “If we don’t have the votes to filibuster, and I’m not conceding that we don’t, I intend to voice a lengthy droning speech in opposition to the nomination that not only will deal the final death-blow to my political career, but will also give substantial aid and comfort to the enemy.”

Kerry-Kennedy Artwork Donated by the Sadly Inactive KerrySucks.com


5 Comments:

Blogger Blogenfreude said...

Thing is, Kerry likely won the 2004 election. But he lost by not grabbing for that brass ring marked "Diebold."

January 28, 2006 4:06 PM  
Anonymous Dude - non-partisan fan of The Blue Republic said...

"...when Justice Stevens dies, which, as a physician, I can assure you won’t be long now.”

Let's hope Frist's diagnostics skills are no better than they were when he announced that Terri Schiavo would soon be skiing in Vail if those activist judges would just mind thier own business.

January 28, 2006 5:40 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth Branford said...

Rex,
Conservative goddess? (heave)
You deranged danger seeker.
And what was wrong with Dukakis? Did I miss something? :)

January 28, 2006 7:06 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

B-freude: Kerry could have grabbed all he wanted, but that ring was already spoken for.

Dude: We patriots always knew the liberal left would use that poor woman as a politial tool. Tsk, task.

Lily: No one misses Dukakkis.

January 28, 2006 10:40 PM  
Blogger Comandante Agí said...

Tag...You're it

January 28, 2006 11:55 PM  

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