Tuesday, January 24, 2006

!!!SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION EXCLUSIVE!!!

Rex Kramer Inks Deal to Bring Patriotism to Millions

(Orlando) In a deal drawing appropriate comparisons to the Marshall Plan and the Berlin Airlift, Spurious George’s danger-seeking reporter Rex Kramer© today announced that starting this weekend, he will be delivering sweet, refreshing patriotism to the freedom-parched readers of the über-liberal propaganda tool,
The Blue Republic.

“While our points of view differ from the patriotic right to the extremely liberal wrong, I look forward to the opportunity to convince the potheads and abortionists that constitute
The Blue Republic’s readership to come aboard the USS America for the pleasure cruise to the white-sanded beaches of freedom-loving,” confidently announced the red-white-and-blue-tuxedoed Kramer. “Not to underestimate my considerable talents, but the fact is America basically sells herself.”

The unlikely marriage between proud patriotism and timid treason was allegedly born in response to a boycott of The Blue Republic’s advertisers called for by fair-and-balanced media watchdog Bill O’Reilly. “While I admire
The Blue Republic for their Clintonesque slickness, I was appalled by its’ unapologetic liberal-bias,” remarked the neutral O’Reilly, who seeks balance in all things. “Quite frankly, they need a man’s man like Rex Kramer to set things right, and educate the under-conservative.”

Kramer assured his loyal base that he remains committed to report daily for Spurious George, and that his foray into the Land of Liberalism is a part-time endeavor. “My role at TBP will be to provide a weekly alternative to the nattering nabobs of negativity; my all-American heart, as always, remains loyal to the much-more-patriotic Spurious George faithful.” Kramer’s first column will not appear until Saturday, but he encouraged “SG-heads” to visit
The Blue Republic in advance so that they “may know the enemy.”

13 Comments:

Anonymous abi said...

Wow, I was wrong about you, Rex. I took you for an armchair danger seeker. But here you are about to invade the freedom-haters' domain and kick some liberal ass. You de uber-man.

January 24, 2006 9:44 PM  
Anonymous The Heretik said...

The danger is spreading.

January 24, 2006 9:52 PM  
Blogger rev. billy bob gisher ©2005 said...

will you be serving pot on the cruise? my supplier has been out for months, it was something about the NSA, but i don't know.

January 24, 2006 10:07 PM  
Anonymous lily said...

Go on, Rex. Spread that conserva-mojo.

January 24, 2006 10:24 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Hey Rex!

Congratulations old boy!
I knew you had it in you, didn't I say so a few months back?!
I may be a lowly construction worker but I know talent when I see it.
TBR sounds like you're approaching the big time...you know all you need now is for someone, ah, like Osahma to drop your name(book) and *boom*-
it's off to go shopping with Mrs. Danger over in Jupiter Island.
(I hear that Blum is moving out of his apartment in DC, and into a nice spread near Palm Beach.)
Good Luck , I believe I speak for everyone here that we will be there to support you over there too.

January 24, 2006 11:16 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Your humble danger-seeker has but 2 goals in life: to spread the sweet word of patriotism, and to rise to a position exalted enough to merit ass-kissings by the Jack Abramoffs of the world.

January 25, 2006 8:12 AM  
Blogger rev. billy bob gisher ©2005 said...

i think you really want people's lips surgically installed on your ass.

January 25, 2006 8:49 AM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Not a bad idea. However, I think that such a procedure might hamper my efforts to wipe my arse with the Iranian flag.

January 25, 2006 9:36 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

Your TBR name sounds good, but
Isn't your name 'Kramerica',
going to sound a bit like (The street.com Jim Cramer) stock analysis guru guy?
acutally, it might help pull your ratings up (google spiders).

January 25, 2006 10:23 AM  
Blogger Drew said...

I actually thought Kramerica was a lost Seinfieldian reference...

January 25, 2006 1:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes Congratulations are in order Mr. Kramer.
Indeed, it can be entertaining to behold how disparate groups, peoples and parties who oppose efforts of what must be done, and will be done with a sense of humor, even if it means your doom.
Blog on! We do so much enjoy it.
KR

January 25, 2006 2:32 PM  
Blogger Mary said...

Holy Danger Danger,
You are going moving up fast....watch out world, be ready for Rex. Danger....congratulations!!! your shit cracks me up more than about anyone elses (although I don't want my trailer next to yours in the after life...and think you are a crack smoker on a lot of policy issues, but damn, are you funny!!!:))

January 25, 2006 6:53 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Now that I've arrived home, beaten my kids (as is my Constitutional right,) and knocked back a few domestic beer, let me respond to the last few comments...

aj: I don't know who this "Jim Cramer" guy is, but if he's all about American business, I like him.

drew: Yes, my cousin Kosmo did name his little start-up "Kramerica" as well, but to be fair, the whole enterprise was a dud. I mean, one intern? C'mon.

anonymous: what's with the doom and gloom? Start loving America more, and all will be good. Oh, and give thanks to Jesus. Yeah, that too.

mary: crack smoker? I think the phrase you were reaching for was "freedom-inhaler." Unlike Bill Clinton, I inhale only the good stuff.

January 25, 2006 7:38 PM  

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