Thursday, January 19, 2006

BIN LADEN RELEASES “PLAYLIST OF DEATH”

Osama’s iPod Favorites May Reveal Next Terror Plot

(Washington) While much of the mainstream media has been spotlighting the release of
yet another tape recording of the attention-seeking Osama bin Laden, American intelligence officials have discovered a treasure trove of information regarding the marginalized America-hater’s latest plot to regain the notoriety he so pathetically seeks; a custom-made playlist of songs he has recently submitted to the popular iTunes store website.

The playlist, entitled “The Bitch is Back,” was submitted by an iPod-enthusiast who identified himself as “oBl_KiCkS_aSs,” a code name bin Laden has often used when chatting online with old college friends or instant-messaging John Kerry (D-MA.) Although at first glance his choice of songs appear harmless, albeit in a disturbingly freedom-hating sort of way, terror experts believe they may reveal the nearly-defeated al Queda network’s last-ditch effort to make themselves relevant.

“Like the serial killer that he is, Osama bin Laden wants to be caught, and he’s helping us catch him with these clues he’s left us,” expertly remarked Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff, who raised the national threat level to “ultra-violet” and asked Americans to be afraid of everything for the foreseeable future, including their own shadow. While Chertoff described the songs on the “playlist of death” cryptic and indecipherable, he expressed confidence that an
assembled panel on the world’s foremost authorities on modern music would soon crack the terrorist code. “That said, anyone out there who has any tips regarding the hidden meaning of these songs is encouraged to contact their local authorities, unless they are Louisiana authorities, who are of course incompetent.” Chertoff then presented a list of “Osama’s Favorites,” which Spurious George will reproduce below:

“Burning Down the House (White House Mix)” by Talking Heads
“Death of a President (Kill Bush Mix)” by Atari Teenage Riot
“American Idiot (Kill Bush Re-Mix)” by Green Day
“Fortunate Son (Kill Bush Re-Re-Mix) by CCR
“Devil Behind That Bush (Cheney Must Die Jam)” by the Cramps
“Bush Sandwich (Why Won’t Babs and Jenna Call Me?)” by Will Durst
“Evil Woman (Barbara Bush Mix)” by ELO
“Yankee Go Home (Rejectionist Mix)” by Richard Thompson
“Pop Goes the Weasel (Karl Rove Hip-Hop)” by 3rd Bass

From an undisclosed location, Vice President Dick Cheney admitted that if bin Laden’s song selection carried any meaning it was encrypted in such evil fashion that only Satan himself could make heads or forked-tails out of it. In the manner of transparency for which he’s known, however, Cheney agreed to release the contents of his own latest playlist, which he described as being “more patriotic that even Rex Kramer.” We here at Spurious George agree whole-heartedly, but will let our reader’s decide…


“It’s About Oil” by Amy Martin
“Oil of Christ” by Tiffany Gilkey
“Raining Oil” by Thomas Newman
“Big Oil” by Rain Dance
“Bombs for Oil” by The New Breed
“Fields of Oil” by Alexandre Desplat
“Oil Refinery” by Bad Grid
“Buckets of Oil” by Freakwater
“Hey Big Oil” by the Weirdos
“Fresh Oil” by Faith Davis

SG Readers Are Encouraged to Suggest Songs for Cheney in the Comment Section

10 Comments:

Anonymous Dude said...

Anything on the album "Sheer Heart Attack" by Queen

January 19, 2006 10:02 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Songs?
How about "Sunglasses @ night"?

With OBL's perfect timing, about truce-or-I'm- gonna'- kick -ass,
gotta have em.
I took you up on your suggestion, and finally posted again. Gotta keep coming back here to keep optimistic. (Bombing Iran? Ha! Invade Syria? Who cares?!WW3? Nuts!)
I just can't keep up with your wit and talent AND work at the same time.
I bow to your alma mater.

January 19, 2006 10:07 PM  
Anonymous Lily, quiet seeker said...

Well taking a gander at my OWN patriotic iPod, Rex, I can tell you what I've downloaded to listen to while I kick the kittens. I've also decorated it with bling stickers from the television. Bamzu of course.
"Halliburt Girl"- Gwenn Stefani
"Eye in the Sky"(GPS Remix)- Alan Parson's Project
"Zoot Suit Riot"- (Abramoff Version) Brian Setzer Orchestra
"My Slump"(Opinion Poll Bonus Track)-Black Eyed Peas
"From a Distance" (AKA The Undisclosed Location) Bette Midler
"Feds Are Burning" Midnight Oil, Featuring the Greenspan Philharmonic Orchestra......

By the way I did my iPod mockery in December at Hydrogen and Stupidity- eat my dust Rex Kramer, while I peel out in the General Lee!!!

January 19, 2006 11:25 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Do not mock the iPod. Without my (custom-painted red, white and blue) Nano I'd be forced to only imagine a continuous loop of Lee Greenwood tunes in my head.

January 20, 2006 8:03 AM  
Blogger Blogenfreude said...

Osama's iPod is probably that new desert camo special edition ...

January 20, 2006 10:48 AM  
Blogger michael the tubthumper said...

'Age of oil' by david rovics

January 20, 2006 10:49 AM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

"Osama's iPod is probably that new desert camo special edition ..."

Nah, that's clash with the decor of his suite at the Washington Ritz-Carlton.

Whoops. I've said too much already.

January 20, 2006 10:52 AM  
Anonymous lily said...

Bet it matches his camo cell phone cover...
Know what, Rex- I bet that pansy wears a fanny pack too. Kick his ass.

January 20, 2006 12:18 PM  
Blogger Drew said...

I've always heard that Cheney's iPod has one song on it, set to repeat.

"Darth Vadar's Theme" by John Williams

It gets him in the mood.

January 20, 2006 12:56 PM  
Blogger Neil Shakespeare said...

"Eau du Oil" (It's French, I know, but it's a lovesong.)

January 21, 2006 7:47 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home