LET SLIP THE BLOGS OF WAR!!!

“New Media” Endorses “Operation Iranian Ass-Kicking”

(New York) While the Bush administration, as is its’ custom, is taking a diplomatic approach to Iran’s nose-thumbing at the world, it is also taking into consideration the calls made by the fair-and-balanced media (and thus right-thinking American people) for awesome and shocking military action against the freedom-hating regime. As usual, FOX News is ahead of the pack in their patriotic call for more much-needed regime change in the democracy-challenged Middle East, but they are hardly alone.

A cursory search of web logs (or “blogs,” as the kids call them these days) reveals that a shocking and awesome amount of right-thinking new media-types are also on board for the liberation of Iran. Some have predicted the exact date the bombs will fall, while others have been kind enough to provide suggested targets. Policy makers argue that since the internet represents the grass-roots opinion of the populace, it is clear that the American people strongly believe the time has come to “bomb-bomb-bomb-bomb-bomb Iran.”


“The refreshing and yet frustrating thing about bloggers is that they can’t be influenced by unelected government officials,” accurately remarked disgraced vice presidential aide I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby. Ancient history buffs may recall that Libby, acting entirely on his own, provided off-the-record pseudo-classified information to loose-lipped reporters. “Believe me I tried, but it turns out access to sources, much less access to the facts, means nothing to these people.”

Even members of the journalistic elite praise the “vox populi” aspect of the blogosphere. “It’s refreshing to see bloggers get behind the war effort, instead of leaving all the patriotic heavy-lifting to the mainstream media,” cheered freelance freedom-lover Judith Miller. “I think we learned from the last wildly-successful war that it’s risky for the administration to rely entirely on information provided by the so-called established media, unless, of course, it’s the New York Times.”

While the White House has, for the time being, committed to seeking a resolution to the Iranian crisis through the UN Security Council, spokesman Scott McClellan reported that the President has not ruled out military action based on intelligence provided by the blogs. “We’ve gone to war with less, with obviously amazing results.”