Sunday, January 15, 2006


“New Media” Endorses “Operation Iranian Ass-Kicking”

(New York) While the Bush administration, as is its’ custom, is taking a diplomatic approach to Iran’s nose-thumbing at the world, it is also taking into consideration the calls made by the fair-and-balanced media (and thus right-thinking American people) for awesome and shocking military action against the freedom-hating regime. As usual,
FOX News is ahead of the pack in their patriotic call for more much-needed regime change in the democracy-challenged Middle East, but they are hardly alone.

A cursory search of web logs (or “blogs,” as the kids call them these days) reveals that a shocking and awesome amount of right-thinking new media-types are also on board for the liberation of Iran. Some have predicted the
exact date the bombs will fall, while others have been kind enough to provide suggested targets. Policy makers argue that since the internet represents the grass-roots opinion of the populace, it is clear that the American people strongly believe the time has come to “bomb-bomb-bomb-bomb-bomb Iran.”

“The refreshing and yet frustrating thing about bloggers is that they can’t be influenced by unelected government officials,” accurately remarked disgraced vice presidential aide I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby. Ancient history buffs may recall that Libby, acting entirely on his own, provided off-the-record pseudo-classified information to loose-lipped reporters. “Believe me I tried, but it turns out access to sources, much less access to the facts, means nothing to these people.”

Even members of the journalistic elite praise the “vox populi” aspect of the blogosphere. “It’s refreshing to see bloggers get behind the war effort, instead of leaving all the patriotic heavy-lifting to the mainstream media,” cheered
freelance freedom-lover Judith Miller. “I think we learned from the last wildly-successful war that it’s risky for the administration to rely entirely on information provided by the so-called established media, unless, of course, it’s the New York Times.”

While the White House has, for the time being, committed to seeking a resolution to the Iranian crisis through the UN Security Council, spokesman Scott McClellan reported that the President has not ruled out military action based on intelligence provided by the blogs. “We’ve gone to war with less, with obviously amazing results.”


Anonymous Dude said...

It must be comforting to the Iranian government that we no longer have the military strength to seriously threaten them. Plus, we are in the final stages of cementing the take over of Iraq by Iranian back Shia religious parties. I’m sure Bush will now say the real reason we went to war was to eliminate Iran/Iraq conflicts.

January 15, 2006 4:51 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

"...we no longer have the military strength to seriously threaten them."


Just floating a balloon. A big, patriotic balloon, but still.

January 15, 2006 5:03 PM  
Anonymous Dude said...

I believe your balloon is made of lead.

January 15, 2006 5:22 PM  
Blogger DiaGnostic said...

Antother possible obstruction to the right wing push to war is the interruption of the flow of Iranian oil to the west (30% of western spplies), I can imagine the price at the pump.

January 15, 2006 7:49 PM  
Blogger Kvatch said...

While the White House has, for the time being, committed to seeking a resolution to the Iranian crisis through the UN Security Council...

Indeed. Well then let the bombing commence, because as we all know being "committed to a UN resolution" is Bush-speak for we're about to invade. As it was with Iraq, so let it be with Iran.

On a related note, I can't belive you dug up a reference to "Bomb Iran". Now I'm getting all nostalgic. :-)

January 15, 2006 8:13 PM  
Blogger Lew Scannon said...

A draft? In an election year? Republicans wouldn't be that stupid...never mind.

January 15, 2006 9:07 PM  
Blogger Neil Shakespeare said...

Vince Vance & The Valiants! THAT'S who it was! Waytago, Rex! I've had that song running through my head. March 19th, huh? I'm marking my calendar...

January 15, 2006 10:06 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Here's the truly scary/depressing thing...I OWNED that 45 (note to the kids: 45s were like CDs, only less shiny.) Even as an elementary school kid, I was patriotic as hell.

January 15, 2006 10:52 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth Branford said...

See Rex, Lew's been effectively deprogrammed of all his Franken-esque lefty propaganda.And you sneered at me for paying him to associate with me. Ha!
I did it for the movement.
You should see what I pay Rev Gisher to associate with me. I triple-tithe. Bastard.

January 16, 2006 9:12 PM  

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