Monday, January 09, 2006

BREAKING NEWS: CHENEY HOSPITALIZED

Shocked Nation Prays for Quick Recovery

(Washington) Vice President Dick Cheney was this morning rushed to an undisclosed hospital due to complications resulting from a foot doctors described as "bruised from excessive liberal ass-kicking." Rev. Bob Scheneck of the National Clergy Association (see story, below) rushed to Cheney's side, where he anointed the affected extremity with cool, healing oil (possibly mint-scented, although reports are sketchy.)

In a hastily-assembled press briefing, President Bush needlessly called for all patriotic, God-fearing Americans to pray for the Vice President's foot. Bush also rightfully remarked that Cheney's recovery would be greatly speeded by a quick and question-less confirmation by the Senate of Judge Samuel Alito.

(SG readers are asked to record their prayers for the vice president in the comments section.)

10 Comments:

Anonymous RichM said...

What, Pat Robertson could not find some Godly connection to Dick's foot malady? Well it is early yet. God may not have finished breakfast and had a chance to talk with Pat just yet. You know how Mondays are around the office.

January 09, 2006 11:41 AM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Later today on the "700 Club Smiting Hour," Rev. Robertson will reveal that Cheney's foot was stricken for his failure to adequately condemn his daughter's hedonistic lifestyle.

January 09, 2006 11:52 AM  
Anonymous lily said...

Maybe they'll blame Letterman.

Maybe Cheney is a danger seeker that goes looking for trouble at Trey Anastasio shows.

How come we never get smited????
(smitten? Smit down? smit and spin? What the hell is the word here? REX!!!)

January 09, 2006 12:25 PM  
Blogger justin barker said...

smote

January 09, 2006 12:48 PM  
Blogger michael the tubthumper said...

i heard it was water rentention.

the declaration of the 'war on water' is not far away now.

January 09, 2006 2:13 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

The "War on Water" has already begun. Sadly, the enemy has been kicking our ass of late (see tsunami, Katrina, "Waterworld,") but I have no doubt the forces of freedom will overcome this brutal nemesis. To suggest otherwise only gives aid and comfort to both hyrdrogen AND oxygen. Oh yes, H2O shall be smoten!

Luckily for America, water has no effect on our dear President, as he clearly walks on it.

January 09, 2006 2:23 PM  
Anonymous Dude said...

I'd like to send along to the Vice President the "Fisherman's Prayer" by Thomas Keets (which I won't reproduce here). Just replace the word "Haddock" with "sore foot", and the word "Fisherman" with the words "Dark Force of Evil".

January 09, 2006 4:09 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

You know, Jesus was a fisherman. Was HE a dark force of evil? Hmmmmm?

Why do you hate Jesus so?

January 09, 2006 4:59 PM  
Blogger rev. billy bob gisher ©2005 said...

should have also checked him out for chafing on his johnson as the way he has worked taxpayers over for decades, i'm sure it's pretty raw. i know i didn't get any lubricant, did anybody else?

January 09, 2006 6:49 PM  
Blogger Lew Scannon said...

Look out Iran! If Cheney's retaining water, that means it's his time of the month and you know how cranky people get around then.

January 09, 2006 10:19 PM  

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