Thursday, January 05, 2006

SENATE DENIES UP-OR-DOWN VOTE TO APPOINTEE

Partisan Infighting Denies America Qualified Servant

(Washington) A troubling question is dogging Democrat lawmakers as they return to work after a long holiday vacation of orgies and cocaine parties; why do they hate smart, qualified Republican women?

On the heels of their inexplicable attacks on legal titan Harriet Miers, out-of-the-mainstream Senators now dare
question the qualifications of Ellen Sauerbrey, President Bush’s obvious nominee to head the State Department’s Bureau of Population, Refugees and Migration. The bureau is often described as an “international FEMA,” as it oversees emergency relief efforts for refugees of foreign wars, natural disaster and persecution. While Sauerbrey herself admits that she is no Michael Brown (and who among us is?) she rightfully asserts that her vast life experience more than qualifies her for her future undertaking. “I am confident that my record will speak for itself. If not, I’m certain that patriots like Sean Hannity certainly will.”

A review of Sauerbrey’s record is impressive indeed. As the
head of the US delegation to the UN Commission on the Status of Women, she championed mainstream ideas such as the sanctity of marriage, the rights of the unborn, the dangers of feminism, unfair excessive taxes on America’s best and brightest, welfare reform, no-fault divorces and sex education; all issues critical to those fleeing genocide in far-off lands. As “Maryland for Bush” campaign chairperson, she spearheaded a noble effort to raise conservative awareness in a state known for its anti-American leanings; such a leader of lost causes no doubt will be an asset when local authorities fail to adequately prepare for an unforeseen natural disaster. Sauerbrey ran twice for the governorship of her home state, losing narrowly to candidates who may have received money and Native American women from disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff; thus, it is assumed she would be able to empathize with those who have been persecuted.

Despite her dazzling resume, liberal Senators insist on unfairly portraying her as a “Bush crony,” a characterization many right-thinking Americans see for what it is: sexism. “I find it hypocritical in the extreme that Democrats, who are supposedly the champions of equal rights, think just because Ellen is female and sexy, she must be a mindless twit,” ably explained the very sexy Ann Coulter. “I myself have faced such prejudice, and as a result have been dateless for years, while liberal whores get all the men. Tell me, is this justice?”

Even women such as Barbara Boxer (D-CA) have sided with her gyno-hating comrades. “I voted for Ellen Sauerbrey before I voted against Ellen Sauerbrey,” Kerry-esquely remarked the ditzy broad. It is rumored that Boxer, quite possibly the ugliest woman who ever lived, has sided against the appointee out of envy of Sauerbrey’s impressive rack.

President Bush, an established supporter of women’s rights, has patriotically vowed to break the anti-feminist Democrat threat of a filibuster by insisting on the well-within-his right “nuclear option” or by heroically issuing his nominee a recess appointment. “Ellen Sauerbrey deserves an up-or-down vote in the Senate,” lucidly advocated the President. “Should she be denied this right, I reserve my right under the War Powers Act to do as I see fit. Heh-heh.”

13 Comments:

Blogger Fred Bieling said...

Is this some kind of a spoof of a real blog?

January 05, 2006 8:15 PM  
Blogger Blogenfreude said...

Elsewhere, you called her handsome. Photographed from a certain angle, she might look like Iggy Pop. Not handsome at all. Sort of desperate if you ask me ...

January 05, 2006 8:26 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Mr. Bieling, we here at SG do not spoof, lampoon, or satirize. To accuse otherwise is irresponsible, and I might add, borderline treasonous. You shall hear from our attorneys.

B-freude, I do not who this "Iggy Pop" is of whom you speak; I assume she is some kind of Eastern European supermodel.

January 06, 2006 8:06 AM  
Blogger Mary said...

i find your blog utterly dangerous...sorry, i'm laughing my ass off at your description...fricken brilliant....

January 06, 2006 9:34 AM  
Blogger Kvatch said...

Ann Coulter. "I myself have faced such prejudice, and as a result have been dateless for years, while liberal whores get all the men. Tell me, is this justice?"

Ms. Coulter, like Ms. Sauerbrey and Ms. Miers, is a delight who any red-blooded, patriotic American male would want to take in a manly fashion. Of course, that won't be me, as Ms. Kvatch would exile me to the guest lily-pad.

January 06, 2006 10:59 AM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Ocb, be careful tossing terms like "brilliant" around in these parts; such words are the domain of the liberal intelligensia, and thus treasonous (I think the word you were searching for was "patriotic.")

As for Ms. Coulter, yes, she is a yummy little scoop of fat-free frozen yogurt, isn't she? Clearly, however, she is out of the league of mere mortals such as us. It is rumored that she's saving herself for Ronald Reagan's clone.

Damn. I've said too much.

January 06, 2006 12:09 PM  
Blogger Drew said...

Coulter > She's a MAN, damnit! A MAN!

January 06, 2006 12:25 PM  
Blogger Blogenfreude said...

Coulter rises at night to suck the blood of the living. She won't be banging any clones ...

January 06, 2006 12:29 PM  
Blogger Neil Shakespeare said...

Are you sure that's not 'Yubaba' from 'Spirited Away'? In any case, a fine-looking he/she/whatever, and one that looks as if he/she/whatever could stand to donate a few pounds of flesh to those refugees.

January 06, 2006 12:36 PM  
Blogger cookie christine said...

Are you quite certain she isn't Tom DeLay in disguise? The poor sod will need a government job after he's forced to resign.

January 06, 2006 3:58 PM  
Anonymous Dude said...

Didn't Ellen Sauerbrey Play Blanche in "Golden Girls"? Or am I thinking about someone else? They seem similarly qualified for this post.

January 06, 2006 3:59 PM  
Blogger Mary said...

well, you know, am one of those lefties myself (for the most part) but do love a good republican too (seriously, your description area KILLED me), these are new waters for me, i will tread lightly....

January 06, 2006 4:12 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Blanche? Tom DeLay? YUBABA?!? I can't help but wonder why a strong, Christian woman inspires only uninspired derision among the Jesus-hating sect.

I'll bet, for example, that y'all didn't know that Sauerbrey was featured as "Miss January" in this year's Arabian Horse Breeders calander (yes, riding "bareback," if you know what I mean, and I think you do. Lucky horse.)

January 06, 2006 4:41 PM  

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