CNN REPORTER ARRESTED FOR TREASON

Amanpour Gave Aid And Comfort To Terrorists

(Washington) In a development that comes as no great surprise to fair-and-balanced Americans, CNN “reporter” Christiane Amanpour was today taken into custody by federal officials for her “clear and present danger to the national security of the United States.” While the totality of the evidence against the America-hater was not disclosed, it is assumed that her treachery was discovered via the NSA wiretaps approved by, as is his Constitutional right, President Bush.

“We got her!” triumphantly announced CIA director Porter Goss to a relieved nation. Goss’ enthusiasm was of course warranted, as Amanpour and most of her CNN colleagues had been suspected for anti-American activities since 9/11. “Thanks to the heroic fortitude of President Bush in the face of nay-saying cutters and runners, as well as a timely tip from the patriotic people at FOX News, one of Osama bin Laden’s top lieutenants is now in custody.” Goss further announced that warrants had been issued for all editors and reporters of the Washington Post and New York Times, as well as most registered Democrats.

Amanpour, a woman of undetermined yet decidedly non-American lineage, was educated in Rhode Island, one of the US’ most notorious America-hating states. Much of her so-called “journalist” career has been attained overseas, where it assumed she made her first al-Qaeda contacts. In fact, according to her official and incriminating CNN profile, Amanpour has spent a suspicious amount of time in Jesus-denying nations such as Iraq, Afghanistan, Israel, Pakistan, Somalia, Kuwait, and Iran. It is her time cozying up to Tehran’s Islamofascist regime, in fact, that first alerted US intelligence officials to her nefarious plot.

“The traitor’s allegiance to the nuclear weapon-producing Iranian leaders is just another solid piece of evidence that Tehran intends their smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud,” rightfully announced Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice on the eve of her speech to the UN regarding a call for increased sanctions against the brutal renegade nation. “Although it is the intent of the United States, as a peaceful democracy, to seek a peaceful solution to Iran’s axis-of-evil-like actions, it must be understood that all options are on the table.”

From his hardened, undisclosed-location bunker, Homeland Security director Michael Chertoff announced that despite Amanpour’s arrest the nation’s threat level would not be lowered from the current “ultra-violet” level. “No, that wouldn’t be prudent at this juncture,” sternly stated the ever-vigilant Chertoff. “America is always, I repeat always, at risk since 9/11. If Ayatollah Amanpour’s arrest proves, enemies lurk everywhere.”