Thursday, January 05, 2006

CNN REPORTER ARRESTED FOR TREASON

Amanpour Gave Aid And Comfort To Terrorists

(Washington) In a development that comes as no great surprise to fair-and-balanced Americans, CNN “reporter” Christiane Amanpour was today taken into custody by federal officials for her “clear and present danger to the national security of the United States.” While the totality of the evidence against the America-hater was not disclosed, it is assumed that her treachery was discovered via the
NSA wiretaps approved by, as is his Constitutional right, President Bush.

“We got her!” triumphantly announced CIA director Porter Goss to a relieved nation. Goss’ enthusiasm was of course warranted, as Amanpour and most of her CNN colleagues had been suspected for anti-American activities since 9/11. “Thanks to the heroic fortitude of President Bush in the face of nay-saying cutters and runners, as well as a timely tip from the patriotic people at FOX News, one of Osama bin Laden’s top lieutenants is now in custody.” Goss further announced that warrants had been issued for all editors and reporters of the Washington Post and New York Times, as well as most registered Democrats.

Amanpour, a woman of undetermined yet decidedly non-American lineage, was educated in Rhode Island, one of the US’ most notorious America-hating states. Much of her so-called “journalist” career has been attained overseas, where it assumed she made her first al-Qaeda contacts. In fact, according to her official and incriminating
CNN profile, Amanpour has spent a suspicious amount of time in Jesus-denying nations such as Iraq, Afghanistan, Israel, Pakistan, Somalia, Kuwait, and Iran. It is her time cozying up to Tehran’s Islamofascist regime, in fact, that first alerted US intelligence officials to her nefarious plot.

“The traitor’s allegiance to the nuclear weapon-producing Iranian leaders is just another solid piece of evidence that Tehran intends their smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud,” rightfully announced Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice on the eve of her speech to the UN regarding a call for increased sanctions against the brutal renegade nation. “Although it is the intent of the United States, as a peaceful democracy, to seek a peaceful solution to Iran’s axis-of-evil-like actions, it must be understood that all options are on the table.”

From his hardened, undisclosed-location bunker, Homeland Security director Michael Chertoff announced that despite Amanpour’s arrest the nation’s threat level would not be lowered from the current “ultra-violet” level. “No, that wouldn’t be prudent at this juncture,” sternly stated the ever-vigilant Chertoff. “America is always, I repeat always, at risk since 9/11. If Ayatollah Amanpour’s arrest proves, enemies lurk everywhere.”

11 Comments:

Blogger fashiongirl said...

This is just a thinly veiled attempt by Mike Wallace to get her off 60 minutes. We all know she had higher Nielsen ratings. It's that Dan Rather thing all over again.

January 05, 2006 12:15 AM  
Blogger rev. billy bob gisher ©2005 said...

thank god for real heros like Geraldo Rivera, who also is a major advocate for women, and their beef curtains.

January 05, 2006 12:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And on a totally tangential topic. Rex Kramer is enjoined to give up his Gator-lovin' false religion and adopt the true faith of the resplendent Longhorn. :-)

January 05, 2006 2:28 AM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

If I squint just a little, Texas' unis look sorta like Tennessee's. In other words, ain't gonna happen.

January 05, 2006 8:15 AM  
Blogger Drew said...

I heard the NSA and FBI were also doing a joint sting on Rita Crosby, based on months of wire taps. Unfortunately, they had to release her, as based on her voice, they had profiled her as a 53 year old Brooklyn plumber named Al.

January 05, 2006 9:45 AM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Wait as second...Al from Brooklyn? As in the Brooklyn Bridge? As in the same bridge terrah-rists WOULD HAVE blown up were it not for the heroic efforts of the NSA?

It's all coming together now.

January 05, 2006 10:20 AM  
Blogger Blogenfreude said...

Why does Christiane Amanpour hate America?

January 05, 2006 10:20 AM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Isn't it obvious? Anagram her name and you get the following..

A POUR(sic) MAN

Clearly, she is a lazy, unemployed transexual at odds with mainstream America. How could she not hate us?

January 05, 2006 11:37 AM  
Anonymous Dude said...

A spokeswoman for your beloved Fox News, Irena Briganti said of Amanpour's comments about the press being muzzled and intimidated by the Bush administration: "Given the choice, it's better to be viewed as a foot soldier for Bush than a spokeswoman for al-Qaeda."

January 05, 2006 6:08 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Irena has long-standing issues with the folks at CNN. We here at SG do as well, of course, but she takes it to a whole other, and I might even say impressive, level.

January 05, 2006 6:41 PM  
Anonymous Y Y-J said...

Amanpour pronounced America’s defeat to Iran yesterday by reporting that Americans are “bogged down” in Iraq, thus incapable of striking Iranian’s nuclear facilities. I am just a 52 year old immigrant and I am definitely not a military expert; however, I find Amanpour’s defeatism statement very curious. I understand that there are 2.3 million troops in American military, including Air Force, Navy, Marines, Army and Coast Guard. I also understand that we only have 138,000 troops in Iraq….? Furthermore, I don’t think we intend to send military to stay in Iran; therefore, the Air Force and the Navy aircraft carriers should be able to take care of the nuclear threat from Iran…

Just my humble opinions

January 15, 2006 1:00 PM  

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