Tuesday, January 03, 2006

REX KRAMER CAUGHT IN “MEMEGATE”

Patriotic SG Reporter Admits Receiving Lefty Blog Propaganda

(Orlando) Staunch defender of freedom and intrepid Spurious George reporter Rex Kramer today admitted that he received, read, and replied to a form of the infamous “meme” making the rounds of leftist, America-hating web logs, or “blogs,” as the unemployed, coffee shop-inhabiting hippies call them. The document, a seemingly innocent questionnaire, has been determined to be in fact an al Qaeda tool used to gauge America’s willingness to stay the course in Iraq and, eventually, elsewhere.

Kramer, the author of such masterpieces as Love It or Leave It: The 10 Shortest Routes To Canada, and Jeb Bush: The Making of a President (coming soon,) hastily called a press conference outside Spurious George headquarters to explain his unwilling complicity in the inherently enemy aiding and comforting plot. “I am a victim in all of this,” adamantly declared the fiercely honest Kramer. “I received this questionnaire from an organization calling itself Update America, which I assumed was a freedom-loving grass-roots group, or at worst, a crazed fan. Sadly, neither was the case.”

In the interests of transparency, Kramer provided the press corps with a copy of his responses, which has been faithfully been reproduced below.

The ONE Republican I ever voted for: Bob Goff, mayor of my humble little town. He reminds me of Wilford Brimley, but more gruff and curmudgeonly. More often than not, however, I don’t vote Republican because, well, they don’t need my help.

TWO works of non-fiction I’ve read and recommend: On my coffee table at this moment are 1776 by David McCollough, and Eats, Shoots & Leaves (the Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation) by Lynne Truss. I’m a lot of fun at parties.

The THREE most important duties/obligations in our society are: Question everything (except authority,) educate our children (through use of school vouchers,) and work for peace (except with our enemies, of which there are many.) Oh, and eat your peas.

The FOUR points on the compass where I’ve lived: Tacoma (west,) Orlando (south,) New Jersey (north) and London (east.) These days, I don’t get out much.

FIVE recent deaths that had me in tears: None, really. However, I was bummed out about Jack Anderson (columnist,) Eugene McCarthy (renegade Democrat,) Alfred Anderson (last survivor of the 1914 Christmas Truce,) C.P. Ellis (Klansman-turned-civil rights advocate,) Joseph Rodriguez (Medal of Honor recipient.)

SIX things I should divest myself of (sic): My computer (I should be outside,) my vices (of which there are a few, some of which might kill me,) to-do-list-making (it provides evidence of failure,) excess body hair, stuff attached to my belt (cell phone, pager, police radio, gun, bade, ID card, and sometimes iPod,) and anything that distracts me from the 3 most important things in my life.

Kramer ended his press conference by stating that he would not be disseminating the questionnaire to anyone else, as he is fairly certain he is the last web-based journalist to receive it. When asked if he feared “breaking the chain” would bring bad luck, the ever-charming hero flashed his belt buckle, a gift to him from good friend Dick Cheney that simply reads, “DANGER SEEKER.”

4 Comments:

Anonymous abi said...

Kramer ended his press conference by stating that he would not be disseminating the questionnaire to anyone else.

No one could top this anyway.

January 03, 2006 9:37 PM  
Blogger Neil Shakespeare said...

You broke the chain? Oh, Jesus, Rex. You're gonna die! I don't think even a danger seeker like yourself can break the curse.

January 04, 2006 1:27 AM  
Anonymous Dude said...

Look, I had a "bade" attached to my belt once - those suckers will not come off. You're going to need a new belt.

January 04, 2006 3:01 AM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

You liberals are such weenies. Do you actually believe that "breaking the chain" will have any ill effect? Please. I suppose you also believe that cutting taxes and approving runaway spending is a bad idea. That kind of thinking is soooo last-millenium, people! 9/11 changed everything!

January 04, 2006 7:44 AM  

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