GORE PLANS FOR TREASON

MLK Day Speech to Highlight His America-Hating

(Washington) Spurious George has learned that on a day set aside to honor a man who bravely fought to unite Americans against racist Southern Democrats, America’s lamest Southern Democrat intends to deliver a speech calling for further division in this country. Al Gore, often called the “American Sisyphus” for refusing to give up a lost cause, will on Martin Luther King Day disgrace with his presence the Daughter of the American Revolution’s Constitutional Hall, a room named after a document President Bush defends every day. While the former Clinton lackey has not released any specific details regarding the theme of the speech, those in the know assume, and with good reason, that it will be treasonous.

“Al Gore was wrong for America in 2000, he’s wrong for America in 2006, and should he decide to run another failed campaign for the presidency in 2008, he’ll be wrong for America then as well,” accurately asserted Rep. Katherine Harris (R-FL.) Harris, who as Florida’s Secretary of State in 2000 in no way influenced the general election that eventually sent Gore into a beard-growing five-year funk, believes that Gore will once again rant on about “hanging chads” and conspiracy theories. “Seriously, can we just move on? I mean, does Mr. Gore have to dredge up his X-Files stories on a day that celebrates a great Republican like Dr. King?”


Others believe that the self-described inventor of the internet will call into question President Bush’s reverence for the Constitution, an issue that the beyond-reproach Justice Department laid to rest long ago. “Despite the fact that 9/11 changed everything, we have determined that President Bush loves the Constitution more than any living American. Keep in mind, however, that 9/11 changed everything; everything, that is, except the President’s love of the Constitution,” averted Attorney General and 2005’s “Most Patriotic Hispanic-American” Alberto Gonzales. “To infer otherwise is irresponsible and only serves to provide aid and comfort to the enemy. The same enemy, I must point out, that changed everything on 9/11.”


Still others believe that the worst vice president ever will treasonously attack the President’s ingenious Iraq strategy. “Can you imagine what might have happened if Al Gore was President on 9/11, the day that changed everything?” nightmarishly hypothesized Vice President Dick Cheney. “We never would have been welcomed as heroes in Baghdad, New Orleans certainly would have been wiped off the map, and there is no way that John Bolton would be cleaning up the UN’s mess. I shudder to think.”

Despite all the tell-tale signs that treason is afoot, former conservative Republican Congressman Bob Barr (R-GA) has agreed to introduce sore-loser Gore at his hippie-fest event. Barr, who many suspect has suffered massive head trauma, was once one of Bill Clinton’s most righteous critics. These days, however, Barr operates an abortion clinic/head shop in Athens, Georgia that caters to pedophile unwed crack whore welfare mothers.

Whatever the topic of his babblings, most Americans refuse to allow Gore’s America-hating to interfere with their celebration of MLK’s achievements. “Did Al Gore make Condoleezza Rice and Colin Powell Secretaries of State? No, George Bush did,” commented the historically-accurate epitome of conservative beauty Ann Coulter. “Cleary, from this we can deduce that Al Gore hates black people. President Bush would never use African-Americans for political gain.”