Friday, January 13, 2006

GORE PLANS FOR TREASON

MLK Day Speech to Highlight His America-Hating

(Washington) Spurious George has learned that on a day set aside to honor a man who bravely fought to unite Americans against racist Southern Democrats, America’s lamest Southern Democrat intends to deliver a speech calling for further division in this country. Al Gore, often called the “American Sisyphus” for refusing to give up a lost cause, will on Martin Luther King Day disgrace with his presence the Daughter of the American Revolution’s Constitutional Hall, a room named after a document President Bush defends every day. While the former Clinton lackey has not released any specific details regarding the theme of the speech, those in the know assume, and with good reason, that it will be treasonous.

“Al Gore was wrong for America in 2000, he’s wrong for America in 2006, and should he decide to run another failed campaign for the presidency in 2008, he’ll be wrong for America then as well,” accurately asserted Rep. Katherine Harris (R-FL.) Harris, who as Florida’s Secretary of State in 2000
in no way influenced the general election that eventually sent Gore into a beard-growing five-year funk, believes that Gore will once again rant on about “hanging chads” and conspiracy theories. “Seriously, can we just move on? I mean, does Mr. Gore have to dredge up his X-Files stories on a day that celebrates a great Republican like Dr. King?”


Others believe that the self-described inventor of the internet will call into question President Bush’s reverence for the Constitution, an issue that the beyond-reproach Justice Department laid to rest long ago. “Despite the fact that 9/11 changed everything, we have determined that President Bush loves the Constitution more than any living American. Keep in mind, however, that 9/11 changed everything; everything, that is, except the President’s love of the Constitution,” averted Attorney General and 2005’s “Most Patriotic Hispanic-American” Alberto Gonzales. “To infer otherwise is irresponsible and only serves to provide aid and comfort to the enemy. The same enemy, I must point out, that changed everything on 9/11.”


Still others believe that the worst vice president ever will treasonously attack the President’s ingenious Iraq strategy. “Can you imagine what might have happened if Al Gore was President on 9/11, the day that changed everything?” nightmarishly hypothesized Vice President Dick Cheney. “We never would have been welcomed as heroes in Baghdad, New Orleans certainly would have been wiped off the map, and there is no way that
John Bolton would be cleaning up the UN’s mess. I shudder to think.”

Despite all the tell-tale signs that treason is afoot, former
conservative Republican Congressman Bob Barr (R-GA) has agreed to introduce sore-loser Gore at his hippie-fest event. Barr, who many suspect has suffered massive head trauma, was once one of Bill Clinton’s most righteous critics. These days, however, Barr operates an abortion clinic/head shop in Athens, Georgia that caters to pedophile unwed crack whore welfare mothers.

Whatever the topic of his babblings, most Americans refuse to allow Gore’s America-hating to interfere with their celebration of MLK’s achievements. “Did Al Gore make Condoleezza Rice and Colin Powell Secretaries of State? No, George Bush did,” commented the historically-accurate epitome of conservative beauty Ann Coulter. “Cleary, from this we can deduce that Al Gore hates black people. President Bush would never use
African-Americans for political gain.”

12 Comments:

Blogger Neil Shakespeare said...

And I suppose he keeps the deficit in his lockbox?

January 13, 2006 10:40 PM  
Anonymous lily said...

Right on, Rex. Check out that rat bastard's beard. I heard he tried to give a kidney to OBL...

January 14, 2006 1:43 AM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

"The Beard" was originally the CIA's code name for Castro (since replaced with a more benign cyborg.) Then, the moniker was bequeathed to bin Laden, but now that he's working for us (don't tell the liberals)the code name has been passed on to America's #1 Enemy.

That's right, Al Gore...we're watching you.

January 14, 2006 10:42 AM  
Blogger michael the tubthumper said...

i thought he had disappeared. did not expect him to resurface at all.

January 14, 2006 12:31 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Oh, that's what the liberals want you to believe, but I assure you that Al Gore was who Bush was describing when he noted that "enemies lurk among us."

I mean, just look at those beady-eyes. You just KNOW he hates America!

January 14, 2006 12:50 PM  
Blogger Blogenfreude said...

GoreBore ... GoreBarr ... yawn.
Shoulda' grown a set before now. Like in late 2000.

January 14, 2006 2:49 PM  
Anonymous lily said...

A set? Do explain.

January 14, 2006 5:55 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

I'm pretty sure he meant a cheese set. You know, platter, knives, maybe some brie (to go with Gore's whine, you see.)

Or, maybe testicles. Hard to say.

January 14, 2006 7:24 PM  
Anonymous Dude said...

“Can you imagine what might have happened if Al Gore was President on 9/11…?”

First of all, I don’t think he would have needed seven minutes for the
pee to dry on his trouser leg

January 14, 2006 7:33 PM  
Blogger Kvatch said...

First of all, I don’t think he would have needed seven minutes for the

All I can remember is the blank stare.

January 14, 2006 8:38 PM  
Anonymous lily said...

LOL. I'm just here to recheck your URL. Don't mind me...grabs beer and glass... lurks awhile...
I'm a fucking lady so I don't discuss sets.

Blogenfreude needs one of those Christian boot camps.

January 14, 2006 8:43 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

"First of all, I don’t think he would have needed seven minutes for the pee to dry on his trouser leg..."

That, sir, was not "pee," as you so casually claim. It was a puddle of the President's own tears, welled up by the tragic fate of "My Pet Goat."

January 14, 2006 9:00 PM  

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