Saturday, January 14, 2006


So-Called Vietnam Veteran’s Purple Hearts Bogus

(Pittsburgh) To his credit, Rep. John Murtha (R-PA) never tossed the two Purple Hearts he might have earned onto the White House lawn in protest over the Vietnam War, but
some now question, and rightly so, if Murtha deserved the decorations in the first place. True Vietnam Hero Don Bailey of Murtha’s home state of Pennsylvania, a man in no way bitter that Murtha defeated him in a 1982 Democratic congressional primary, is one of many who have stepped forward to challenge Murtha’s war record. “While I was fighting for freedom in the Delta, John Murtha, a REMF if there ever was one, was raping boys in the brothels of Saigon,” the completely-unbiased Bailey reported, using the colorful acronym applied to “rear-echelon mother-(censored for family values)” by real soldiers. “I have it on good authority that one Purple Heart was awarded for syphilis, the other for gonorrhea.”

Also questioning Murtha’s worthiness for recognition for wounds suffered in combat is World War II hero Harry M. Fox, who is absolutely not bothered in the least that Murtha defeated him in a 1974 congressional special election that made Murtha the first Vietnam “veteran” elected to the House. “Like another uber-liberal Democrat that shall remain nameless, John Murtha has time and time again touted his so-called “service” in his campaigns, despite never having stepped foot outside of the US in his life,” accused Fox, who, unfortunately, is in no way affiliated with Fox News. Yet. “From the halls of Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli, the valiant dead fart in John Murtha’s general direction!”

While reports of Murtha’s fraud have, predictably, failed to gain traction in the out-of-the-mainstream mainstream press, the patriotic
Cybercast News Service (CNS) was the first legitimate media outlet to give Murthagate gravitas. “Murtha’s been on my radar for some time now,” avowed former CNS reporter and military buff Jeff Gannon . “Not only is he not who he puffs himself up to be, I can attest that he’s a true friend of Dorothy.”

Congressman Murtha’s patriotism was also called into question by no less of an authority than Ann Coulter.
It is simply a fact that Democrats like Murtha are…not only traitors, they are gutless traitors.” Coulter, who knows a red-blooded patriot when she sees one, compared Murtha’s loathsome acts to those of another Democrat who dared to flaunt his own pathetic war record. “John Murtha and John Kerry share more than a party and a first name, they share a complete lack of shame.” Coulter is particularly disgusted with “PX heroes” like Murtha, as she often volunteers her time to tend to the wounds of soldiers returning home from Iraq and Afghanistan.

Murtha, predictably, has refused to release his
military records to the media, citing “national security concerns” (ironic, since he gives aid and comfort to the enemy.) When pressed for comment, Murtha would only mumble that he had “fulfilled his obligations” to the Marine Corps. Murtha then entered his chauffeured limo, no doubt to search for a young Vietnamese boy among Washington’s notorious brothels.


Blogger Neil Shakespeare said...

I was wondering about the timing of this, and then my brother informed me that Murtha is on 60 Minutes tomorrow night. Gee, I guess that would explain the timing, wouldn't it?

January 15, 2006 1:06 AM  
Anonymous lily said...

"...And they would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for you meddling kids!!!"

Scooby snacks for everyone.

January 15, 2006 1:52 AM  
Blogger Neil Shakespeare said...

Linked this post for the satirical minded over at my post. My brother sent me some interesting info on the 'Cybercast News Service' personnel.

January 15, 2006 3:03 AM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

I have it on good authority that the entire CNS staff is up for Presidential Medals of Freedom.

Well overdue, say I.

January 15, 2006 9:45 AM  
Anonymous abi said...

Right on, Rex. CNS is finally getting the recognition it so richly deserves.

My inside sources at CNS tell me that the traitor Murtha was recently seen slipping into the back door of a Pittsburgh mosque wearing a kufi and clutching the Koran. But the responsible editors at CNS are holding the story back because they currently only have 5 credible sources. These journalists' journalists require 7.

January 15, 2006 12:54 PM  
Blogger Ringwind said...

Google: "Arrest Bush 41"

January 15, 2006 2:42 PM  

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