Sunday, January 22, 2006

“PEACE GROUP” OUTED AS TERRORIST CELL

Domestic Spying Credited with Saving America

(Boca Raton, FL) Members of the misleadingly-named “Truth Project” were rounded up today by federal law enforcement after intelligence gathered by Constitutionally-endorsed
domestic wiretapping revealed the group’s radical, America-hating agenda. According to FBI director Robert Mueller, the South Florida-based terrorist organization was actively subverting the security of this nation by engaging in unspeakable “anti-war” activities.

“Speaking for all Americans, I find it irresponsible for people to advocate peace when this nation is at war,” righteously opined the nation’s top cop. “If we are to win the never-ending War on Terror© we simply can not have rejectionists among us who give material aid and comfort to the enemy.” Citing national security concerns, Mueller would not disclose where the traitorous peaceniks would be detained, but a source inside the Bureau patriotically and legally leaked that the enemies of the state would be rendered to their homeland of Yemen.



Among those arrested was Robert “Hezbollah” Hersh, who gained national notoriety last month when his America-hating group was profiled by out-of-the-mainstream NBC News. In the liberal-biased story, NBC portrayed the “Truth Project” as an unjustified target of domestic surveillance, despite the fact that Hersh’s outlaw band openly confessed to a bevy of un-American activities.

“We’re talking about a brutal terrorist cell that advocates, among other things, actively dissuading red-blooded Americans from enlisting for service in the armed forces. If that’s not treason, I don’t know what is,” asserted Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, who has a manly firm grip on the definition of “treason,” as he is known to own several dictionaries. Rumsfeld credited the Defense Department’s “Talon” program with the interception of freedom-hating communications made from Hersh’s Quaker meeting hall that led to the nefarious gang’s arrest. “Domestic surveillance is a necessary tool in the War on Terror©, not unlike the baby Jesus during the War on Christmas©. You simply could not have one without the other.

Amazingly, not everyone is mollified by Rumsfeld’s rational justification. The ongoing monitoring of all ACLU communications has revealed that the long-time America-hating group plans to issue a statement that condemns the Truth Project arrests. In addition, from a computer hard drive acquired from the anti-freedom group MoveOn.org’s Tehran headquarters it has been determined that they plan to order liberal lackey John Kerry (D-MA) to “make a long, boring speech” about the arrests.

6 Comments:

Anonymous lily said...

So it took peace-mongering to bring down Jacko?

January 22, 2006 9:36 PM  
Blogger Mary said...

wow, that's scary stuff...yet another blog change, i like it...

January 23, 2006 1:30 AM  
Blogger Neil Shakespeare said...

Oh heck, they were just looking for some dots to connect! Amazing how I keep running into this 'connect the dots' craze. The White House must have passed out some new coloring books...

January 23, 2006 2:50 AM  
Blogger Mary said...

oh heck...i love that Neil...connect the dots...my god, you people are funny...(you and Rex, I think crack me up more than any two people in the blogosphere...in a good way)

January 23, 2006 4:09 AM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

I have it on good authority that Homeland Security will soom be issuing a "Connect the Dots to Terror" workbook for school children. For their final assignment, they'll be required to report on their left-leaning teachers before moving onto 4th grade. Who could possibly be against this?

As for SG's new look, let me assure my loyal, change-fearing conservative readers that I've settled on this format. That said, 9/11 changed everything.

January 23, 2006 9:36 AM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

One more comment re: "the new look." If anyone out there can help someone like myself (who can barely spell "html") figure out how to insert an image into the blog header, I'd be much obliged. You see, I have millions of photos of American flags I'd like to highlight.

January 23, 2006 1:48 PM  

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