Friday, January 20, 2006


Baseless Liberal Attacks Intimidating GOP Voters

(Washington) These days, trade and budget deficits left over from the business-hating, free-spending Clinton administration aren’t the only kinds of imbalances patriotic Republicans are battling. Now, thanks to the Democratic Party’s use of the mainstream media to inflate alleged “scandals” and question the sheer genius of President Bush’s vision in Iraq, GOP leaders fear their loyal base has been saddled with “
enthusiasm deficit” heading into the 2006 mid-term elections.

Ken Mehlman, chairman of the Republican National Committee, humbly admits that his party’s members must accept some of the blame for the malaise. “We must heed President Bush’s call for ownership for our own mistakes, and confess that patriot apathy is at least partly our fault in that we have failed to respond vehemently enough against baseless Democratic attacks.” Mehlman cited the recent over-blown Jack Abramoff affair as an example of Republicans losing control of the message. “While most Americans, at least the real ones, know that this Abramoff fellow is in fact Hillary Clinton’s lover and someone who more than likely
murdered Vincent Foster, thanks to the liberal press some now are unsure if Congressman Tom DeLay (R-TX) is as honest as we all know he is.”

Another topic the out-of-the-mainstream party has blasphemously propagandized is the wildly-successful Operation Enduring Freedom. “It is unconscionable that politicians would use
war for their own personal gain, and yet, the so-called Democratic Party has done just that,” accurately accused scandal-free Republican majority leader Roy Blunt (R-MO.) “We as a party must recapture the message that all of the successes in Iraq are our own, while every minor setback there was caused, as always, by nay-saying cutters and runners such as John Murtha (D-PA) and John Kerry (D-MA.)”

Still others are concerned that irresponsible questioning of terrorist-battling NSA wiretaps may have created the misconception in some that their benevolent Republican government is not entirely on the up-and-up. “Nonsense. The Democrats would have you believe that the government is listening in on the conversations of Joe and Jane Lunchpail, when the fact is in
their pre-9/11 view of the world they fail to recognize that there are brutal terrorists who lurk among us,” remarked unindicted White House deputy chief of staff Karl Rove, who recently returned to Washington after single-handedly rebuilding New Orleans’ 9th Ward. “That said, we are very concerned about telephone conversations made recently by Joe Lunchpail of Succasunna, New Jersey. Without going into details, I think he may assume America does not approve of the way he talks about his mother-in-law.”

Despite the liberal elite’s complete control of the mainstream media, top Republicans remain confident that their heartland message of smaller government, family values and personal responsibility will get through to honest Americans in time for the 2006 elections. “The Republican Party has always been about grass-roots word-of-mouth,” expressed
champion of the common man Donald Trump. “As long as we have patriotic town criers like Limbaugh, Coulter and Hannity around to spread the truth, we’ll be a-ok!”


Blogger Kvatch said...

I'm sure the missing enthusiasm can be located. Patriotic, America loving searchers will probably find it in the same spot as Bush's missing legacy.

January 20, 2006 7:56 PM  
Blogger Mary said...

umm nice change in blog tag line...actually, i find it pretty dangerous...

January 20, 2006 8:46 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Bush's legacy, I can assure you, is secure. He will be favorably compared to Grant (for honesty in government,) Buchanan (for avoiding war,) and Hoover (for economic policy.)

As for the the patriotic tag-line, it, like Joe Biden's ideology, changes daily.

January 20, 2006 9:07 PM  
Anonymous lily said...

Rex- possibly the most dangerous color scheme yet!!!
The enthusiasm is, indeed, in an undisclosed location.

January 20, 2006 11:10 PM  
Anonymous abi said...

So the loyal GOP base is experiencing an 'enthusiasm deficit'? I love it. I think Dr. Frankenstein experienced a similar enthusiasm deficit after the moster he created murdered his fiancee.

January 21, 2006 1:44 AM  
Blogger Neil Shakespeare said...

Well, they're running a deficit everywhere else, so....

January 21, 2006 7:45 AM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

An administrative note: sorry if the new colors offend. You see, I spent a sizeable portion of my life in New Jersey, so garish is my thing. Actually, I'm just playing around w/colors, as I only recently discovered you could do so. I's a work-in-progress-kinda-thing.

January 21, 2006 9:13 AM  
Blogger cookie christine said...

I personally like the colors at the moment. Red, white and blue show's your patriotic enthusiasm.

And you know as well as I do that we need more of that. Anything else would be giving comfort and aid to the enemy.

January 21, 2006 9:46 AM  

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