Monday, February 06, 2006

LIBERALS CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH

Socialist Congressman Faints at Soldier’s Funeral

(St. Albans, Vermont) Proving yet again that only Republicans are equipped with the manly skills necessary for dealing with the realities of war with a brutal enemy, socialist
congressman Bernie Sanders of Vermont yesterday fainted like a woman at the military funeral of native son Joshua Johnson. “Pathetic,” summarized the rightfully indignant White House spokesman Scott McClellan. “Not once has the President lost consciousness at a military funeral. Clearly, those who would have America cut and run in Iraq are ill-prepared to cope with the cost of not cutting and running.” When asked by a terrorist-sympathizing “reporter” how many funerals President Bush has attended, McClellan, always mindful of how such information gives aid and comfort to the enemy, declined to respond.

News of Bernie “Wimpy” Sanders’ unmanly display spread quickly through the halls of power, or in the Democrats case, the halls of little-to-no power. “Quite frankly, today I’m embarrassed to call myself a Vermonter. Vermontite. Vermontonian. Whatever,” babbled former Governor and current DNC Nut job-in-Charge Howard Dean. “While there are those who have called me a shrill girly-man incapable of leading this nation, and rightly so, I have never fainted during a public appearance. Not even during my public humiliation during the 2004 primaries…although I did cry like a bitch for weeks afterward, thus making me a natural choice to lead the Democratic Party.”

“What a fag,” accurately remarked former Senator and voice of the greatest generation, Bob Dole (R-KS.) “Why, in my day, we had a name for folks like comrade Sanders, one that I won’t repeat as I’m a Christian. Aw, screw it, Jesus will understand. Sanders is a Betty, a dame, a broad. That is to say, he has a vagina, possibly even two.” Dole, unlike John Kerry (D-MA) a true war hero, knows better than most that freedom isn’t free. These days, the retired patriot continuously criss-crosses our great nation attending services for the fallen, and thanks President Bush for giving his golden years a meaningful hobby.

Others questioned if the ultra-leftist representative’s womanish act was merely a piece of staged political propaganda, albeit one done in extremely poor taste. “Unlike the opposition, who remain in a pre-9/11 mindset, conservatives never use the tragedy of others to further our political goals,” truthfully asserted White House deputy chief of staff Karl Rove, taking a rare respite from his single-handed efforts to rebuild New Orleans’ 9th Ward. “That Congressman Sanders chose to actually attend a fallen soldier’s funeral is beyond the pale of even the lowest political operative. At long last, does the Socialist Party have no shame?”

President Bush could not be reached to register his disgust with Sanders’ shenanigans, as he and his twin daughters were preparing the world’s largest and most freedom-loving Valentine for delivery to troops in the field, but Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, a woman so dedicated to the President that she slept in the President’s quarters during Mrs. Bush’s goodwill tour of Africa, summarized the President’s sentiments on the issue. “Showing grief, or in fact emotion of any kind at a soldier’s funeral only serves to give aid and comfort to the enemy.”

Spurious George means no disrespect to women, who were unfortunately compared to Congressman Sanders in this piece. We here at SG, of course, have nothing but the greatest respect for strong, intelligent women…chicks like Ann Coulter! I mean, if you overlook the Adam’s apple, lazy eye, eating disorder, straw-like hair, sallow and hate-filled eyes, and her creepy sneer, you have to admit that she’s a serious piece of ass!

17 Comments:

Blogger Kvatch said...

you have to admit that she’s a serious piece of ass.

And looks great in a leather bustier, I might add. Yowzaa!

Bet Bernie Sanders doesn't look good in a bustier. Course a corset or bustier under that suit might explain a lot.

February 06, 2006 3:17 AM  
Blogger Neil Shakespeare said...

Bob Dole is still alive? Hmmm. Must be all that Viagra. But I must agree with you. This is clearly partisan politics at its worst. Grandstanding at soldiers' funerals! How low can they go?

February 06, 2006 6:55 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

"... one that I won’t repeat as I’m a Christian. Aw, screw it, Jesus will understand. Sanders is a Betty, a dame, a broad. "

LMAO!

Unfortunately, now you have succeeded in ostricizing not only Canadians, Vermonters, feminists and gays but everyone that lives within a 300 mile radius of Pittsburg.
How do expect to sell books with such talk?

"There must be a better way!"*






*don't even think about it..

February 06, 2006 9:58 AM  
Anonymous The Rectum of Charles Grodin said...

"I am a gay feminist Steeler-loving Vermonter and I approve his message"

February 06, 2006 1:36 PM  
Anonymous Lily --the Patriopath said...

"Sanders is a Betty, a dame, a broad. That is to say, he has a vagina, possibly even two.”

Is there a word for this condition, Rex?
Orifice Abundance Syndrome? Can a person with this terrible affliction lose their virginity twice? Can they be impregnated by two members of Kiss... simultaneously?

Here's hoping their cycles are synchronized....

February 06, 2006 1:39 PM  
Blogger cookie christine said...

I think the more important question is does he have two clitorises and can he have simultaeneous orgasms stemming from both organs?

February 06, 2006 3:56 PM  
Anonymous abi said...

So tell me, Mr. Danger Seeker, is it considered more manly among the uber-Patriots to pass out after choking on a pretzel?

I say your Bush is a pussy.

February 06, 2006 4:10 PM  
Blogger Kvatch said...

I say your Bush is a pussy.

Isn't to early in the day for tautologies? At least not without serious amounts of vodka?

February 06, 2006 5:11 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Kvatch: As disturbing as that image may be, I think you're onto the truth.

Neil: These are socialists! Even Democrats wouldn't stoop so low. Well, maybe Al Gore, but that's it!

AJ: "Canadians, Vermonters, feminists and...everyone that lives within a 300 mile radius of Pittsburg?" Why do you repeat yourself?

Charles Grodin: Wow! Our first Spurious George sighting (well, other than Jesus, of course.)

Lily: There are so many potential comedic responses...I think I'm going into "joke vapor-lock."

Cookie: Wait a sec...women have orgasms too?

Abi: Yes, yes, you're right about Bush (in the background "keep him talking, we almost have his number!") Do you have any more un-American statements to make for the record?

Kvatch: Vodka? Vodka?!? No commie juice allowed around here, comrade!

February 06, 2006 5:36 PM  
Anonymous The Rectum of Charles Grodin said...

I demand that you speak to the issues raised by the women in your forum. Don't make me commandeer your blog.

Stoli, Kvatch!

Let us work on your tautology...

If one has a vagina, one is a female.
If one is a female, one has a vagina.If one has two vaginas, one must be two females... and one cannot be two females...I'm thinking tautologies definitely need more vodka...

February 06, 2006 6:47 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Didn't you guys get any last week??


I mean,
Geeeeez

February 06, 2006 8:16 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

What? No smart-ass rebuttal on my obvious excellent choice of picking the winning team last night? Dude?Rex?
anyone home?



im hurt

February 06, 2006 8:54 PM  
Anonymous RichM said...

Neil, I've got to agree with you that those on the left will stop at nothing to take advantage of even one of the most solemn of occassions. "Have they no shame." They should pay for this come elections this fall.

February 07, 2006 5:13 AM  
Blogger Adorable Girlfriend said...

That is whack dude, whack!

I got nothing. I am too outraged and near fainting on the floor. Good thing I AM a woman.

February 07, 2006 8:54 AM  
Anonymous The Rectum of Charles Grodin said...

While Rex is on hiatus, the part of the Danger Seeker will be played by Adorable Girlfriend...


Is Rex in rehab?

February 07, 2006 12:35 PM  
Anonymous RichM said...

Did not know how else to leave you this message:

Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker Says:
February 3rd, 2006 at 10:27 pm e
Oh, now the GERMANS are getting all holier-than-thou about war?!?

How does one say “hypocricy” auf deutsch?

Preferring Hot Dogs over Brats,

Rex

richm Says:
February 7th, 2006 at 2:50 pm e
Auf Deutsch sagt mann, die Heuchelei.

Actually, that is the voice of experience.

February 07, 2006 3:59 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

A few administrative notes...

"Rehab?" If there's a cure for patriotism, well, keep that the hell away from me! SG is updated daily (well, mostly) but I keep the liberals on their toes by never broadcasting WHEN in the day fresh patriotism is being served.

As for RichM (Or is it "ReichM?) Ich speche Deutsch ein bissen, aber nicht so gut. Wie sagt mann, "all the German I learned while living there for 2 years was drowned in excellent beer?"

February 07, 2006 9:25 PM  

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