Monday, February 20, 2006

SG GIVES HIPPIES THEIR DUE

America-Hating Bloggers to be Recognized, Possibly Detained

(Orlando) When the founding fathers of Spurious George, the first and last words in all things America-loving, gathered long ago to establish SG’s guiding principles, words like “fair” and “balanced” were bandied about. Ultimately, and due in no small part to the threat of a copyright infringement lawsuit, these ideals were discarded in favor of the more moderate and generic phrase, “We’ll let the hippies live as long as they don’t piss us off too much.” While sales of bumper stickers with that slogan have been somewhat sluggish, it nevertheless has served as underlying theme for everything Spurious George has accomplished since…from the distribution of anointed oil-laced marijuana to the establishment of Hippie Re-Education Camps.

It was in that same spirit of “can’t-we-all-get-alongism” that the SG Hippie Relations Office today announced the creation of the America-Hating Awards (A-HA!s) to recognize the misguided efforts of the left side of the blogosphere. In cooperation with America’s leading intelligence-gathering and law-enforcement agencies, Spurious George will bestow monthly acknowledgements in the following categories:




Most America-Hating Blog: Awarded to the site that consistently bad-mouths the unassailable wisdom of the Bush administration, the unflappable moral certainty of the Republican-dominated Congress, the righteous decisiveness of a strict-constructionist judiciary, or Jesus.

Most America-Hating Post: Bequeathed to a singularly unpatriotic posting and based upon an intelligent design-approved mathematical formula that takes into account such x-factors as liberalism, leftism, socialism, communism, and hippieism.

Most America-Hating Artwork: Spurious George doesn’t know art, but they know what they hate. Considered pieces can come in any medium, but must convey the artist’s inner disdain for all things that make this country great (i.e. conservatism, Jesus, Ann Coulter.)

Monthly A-HA! winners will be eligible for the annual prize, to be awarded at the J. Edgar Hoover Building in Washington on the same date as the 2007 Academy Awards. Nominations for the March 2006 monthly awards will be accepted beginning March 1st, albeit at a currently-under-construction website (the SG’s servers, handling as they do millions of “hits” per day, are already running at maximum capacity.) In the interim, loyal Spurious George readers are encouraged to make suggestions in the comments section below.

26 Comments:

Blogger Kvatch said...

Well...I love Neil Shakespeare, and I think his Cheney series either deserves a "Lifetime Achievement" or "Time To Turn This Into the Great American Novel" award. Chapter 15? Whoa!

February 20, 2006 1:40 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Oh, we here at SG have had our eye on Neil for sometime (in a completely heterosexual way, of course,) and have no doubt that in the year to come he'll rack up no shortage of A-HA!s. I mean, you just HAVE to recognize someone who hates America with the passion he does.

February 20, 2006 2:29 PM  
Anonymous stacy said...

My lord, I love what you've done with the place! Because nothing saying "patriotic american" like so much red, white and blue everywhere that you want to vomit.

Just kiddin' you know i love you rex

speaking of which:

http://gizmodo.com/gadgets/gadgets/je-joue-program-yer-pleasure-155817.php

I expect some sort of report or book report after you visit that site and look at the goods i have selected for your perusal (sp?)

February 20, 2006 4:29 PM  
Blogger Lew Scannon said...

This is a much better contest than they have over at LTN. Can I nominate them on sheer hippie-isms alone?

February 20, 2006 8:26 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth Branford said...

See, I told you Lew was sexy. Now we have the pic to prove it.

I nominate Neil, but also Left of Center for his America hating post on Indiana Eden. I also nominate AJ for his America hating conspiracies at Lothlorien Path. )his profile pic looks a t bit too Spinal Tap for my comfort level..I mean, it doesn't get much more hippie than BOHEMIAN GROVE.

As an aside:Rex, I responded to your very offensive remark at my own blog because what I needed to say was personal and heartfelt. But I think all jokes aside, you might consider the fact that you don't know me in real life and my difficulties. Your comment was very rude. Maybe somebody told you, but it was a bit over the top.

February 20, 2006 8:55 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

God damn it, Lily! I just spent the last 1/2 hour of a finite life reading every column in all 861 blogs you maintain (including archives,) as well as the 2000+ comments you disperse throughout the blogosphere on any given day. All the time I'm thinking, "what the hell did I write?" Was I drunk? What could possibly have ruffled the love-beads of America's pre-eminent hippie?

Finally, I found it. A lame (pun intended) joke about FDR. To quote Peter Griffin, "What? Too soon?"

Even now I'm wrestling with whether your indignation is another example of your cruel, dark humor, or your family really did remove every magnet from the house lest your legs resemble a refrigerator door decorated by a 3 year-old on acid.

Again, damn you, Damn you straight to hell.

(Unless, of course, you were serious, in which case I'm a walking douche bag.)

February 20, 2006 9:46 PM  
Anonymous The Hilarious Spectre of Tiny Tim said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

GOTCHA.

OH yeah. I AM that twisted.

February 20, 2006 9:58 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

I soooo hate you...with a deeper hatred than the kind you have for America. My guilt had me thisclose to making a large donation to Jerry's Kids...and that's not even a faith-based initiative!!!

Anyway, for those of you who AREN'T evil, the America-Hating Awards committee will begin taking nominations on March 1st. Thanks to Lily, a new catagory will be added: "Most America-Hating Blogger Who Preys on the Feelings of Guilt Certain Other Bloggers Retain for the Way They Treated Kids Who Were Different in High School."

February 20, 2006 10:13 PM  
Blogger Lew Scannon said...

You mean I put on my Double dratf deferment dick "Permascowl" Cheney costume for nothing? That does it, I'm changing!

By the way, check out the unit on this thing!

February 20, 2006 10:17 PM  
Anonymous The Biblical Voice Of Charlton Heston said...

I'd rather NOT check out Cheney's unit, thank you. It looks like Cheney wet his pants there.

Aw,Rex, come on. Lighten up. Give me an award. Don't make me tell you that I am hypoglycemic too...It serves you right for making fun of handicapped people. I would have gotten away with it too if I hadn't posted on skiing recently. Damned archives.

Truce?

February 20, 2006 11:11 PM  
Anonymous abi said...

Off-topic, Danger Seeker. I'd be very interested in you posting on the subject of outsourcing port operations to a UAE-owned company.

On the one hand, an America-loving patriot like yourself couldn't bring himself to criticize his beloved President Bush (beloved in a completely manly, heterosexual way, of course). On the other hand, given that 9/11 changed everything, the idea of turning over US ports to terrorism-loving Arabs must be eating you up inside.

In short, this is quite a conundrum for a fearless freedom fighter like yourself. Post on it, if you dare...

February 20, 2006 11:39 PM  
Anonymous Dude said...

Sometimes the discussion on this site degenerates to childish levels...so check out this actual photo of
Cheney's (barely concealed) manhood.
Unaltered in any way by the magic of PhotoShop.

February 21, 2006 1:18 AM  
Anonymous RichM said...

Rex, you should not be overly concerned or try to repress those feelings for Neil. If it is there, well, its there. Maybe you could change the name of the place to Broke Blog Mounting. We'd understand.

February 21, 2006 4:06 AM  
Blogger Elizabeth Branford said...

LOl@richm. Richm better start being funny at my blog or he's gonna feel a hippie wrath like no other. I will whip him with my lovebeads...

I come on business, Rex. To share a link that describes how to automatically change Patriotic description boxes... Although I suggest leaving it as "Spurious George: Billions of Cheneyburgers Served".

link

February 21, 2006 8:18 AM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Lew: Big Dick Cheney is merely following in the footsteps on Teddy Roosevelt..."speak softly and carry a..." Well, you know the rest.

Mr. Heston: I accept your offer of truce, but I swear, I'm going to kick the next cripple I see.

Abi: I never turn down a challenge. Mt crack investigative team is currently looking into how Hillary Clinton let this happen.

Dude: I will look at this so-called evidence, but not this early in the morning, and certainly NOT (based upon your description) on this government-issued computer.

RichM: Keep your filthy fantasies to yourself, mister!

February 21, 2006 8:28 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

Ahhh...just back from cutting some trees down for display at your local Bruce(tm) Hardwood Flooring outlet... sorry I missed all the fun.


3(three) points and a high five fore RichM!!!
Brokeblog mounting..haha ha!

Lily, you silly girl, you are indeed a lovable twisted liberal.

February 21, 2006 8:35 AM  
Blogger Adorable Girlfriend said...

You know I'm going to nominate the fags and their queen at our new spot: blog.republicofdogs.net.

However, Jedmundo, Pam-cake and Amanada Panda at pandagon.net have it going on, along with the uber kewl kids at Sadly No!

Great Post, Rex!

Those which will never make it are:

Shootaliberal.blogspot.com
Manlymen.org

February 21, 2006 9:39 AM  
Blogger Neil Shakespeare said...

I vote for Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker, in all categories. It's gonna be lonely in that Hoover building, buddy...well, except for your 'interrogators'. But hey, don't worry! "We don't torture!"

February 21, 2006 11:58 AM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

AJ: Don't encourage Rich's homosexual agenda hysteria. This only increases the chances that Hollywood will make more gay cowboy movies.

Girlfriend: I like the title "shoot a liberal," but "manly men?" Sounds, well, kinda gay.

Neil: Obviously, you are unaware that it is genetically-impossible for me to hate America. No amount of torture could ever make me bad-mouth my country.

February 21, 2006 12:39 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth Branford said...

See Rex??? I'm a LOVABLE twisted liberal. Lovable. And you are a cripple hater.

AJ just finished putting in rare Amazonian hardwood flooring all over my house, and every time I walk, I hear the planet sobbing...kissing up to AJ was SO worth it.

But-last night the ghost of Julia Butterfly Hill came to me, and took me to see the crying tree frogs... and it was then that I saw Kvatch, skinny and wretched in the middle of the clear cut asking "Why, AJ??? Why????" Until a McDonalds cow stepped on him.

February 21, 2006 2:25 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

"Why, AJ??? Why????"

Because they're there?
I give up.
Didn't God command us to dominate and subdue the elements of the earth??

Now that I've got Kvetch mad at me for some crude off-the-cuff remark about installing something other than dirt in a families Dining room, I have to hear it from the liberal of the Northeast.
Hey-what do you guys do when you get together over there? Froggie love?

February 21, 2006 3:43 PM  
Blogger Kathy said...

Rex, why didn't you include the MSM in one of your categories? Oh, I forgot, they love America the best as their fair and balanced reporting reveals.

Ugghhh.

February 21, 2006 5:06 PM  
Anonymous Zeno the Paradoxical said...

I put it to you Mr. Kramer - since America is made up of Americans…to hate Americans who hate America makes you an America hater as well. Is that not correct?

February 21, 2006 6:08 PM  
Anonymous The Biblical Voice Of Charlton Heston said...

Froggie love?????? What IS that?

February 21, 2006 6:53 PM  
Blogger Ron Nasty said...

Looks like you got a whole bunch of American hatin' blogs to choose from. What gets me is, they all desire to be chosen by you.

February 21, 2006 8:41 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

I still love the biblical voice and croaking sounds though...hee hee

off topic: RK,Michael James did an excellent skit akin to your work you might like to check out:
http://anathama1.blogspot.com

Sounds like you two could be brothers.

February 22, 2006 8:07 AM  

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