Sunday, March 05, 2006

PATRIOTIC POTPOURRI

Random Rants from the Red States

Ed. Note: We here at SG World Headquarters never sleep. Well, our executives and ace reporters (such as Rex Kramer) do, but our junior editors, fact-checkers, and interns? Never! They comb through hundreds of freedom-loving stories each week so that our online talent can bring you, the SG reader, only the best America has to offer. That said, at the end of the week we often find that a few notes of interest slip through the cracks. None of these items are worthy of, say, a column from award-winning* journalist Rex Kramer, but nevertheless we vow that every Sunday we’ll collect them up in a small pile a patriotism and deliver them straight to you.

SG Hearts Corporate America!

Those hippies at
Lose the Noose may not appreciate that the business of America is business, but we here at SG know that there’s no business like big business! Didn’t get enough of Rex Kramer’s love for all things corporate in yesterday’s column? Learn more about how there’s nothing more American than baseball, apple pie and corporate sponsorship in this week’s Kramerica©, available only at The Blue Republic!

Honor Just to be Nominated, My Ass!

Oscars, schmoscars! Everyone knows Jon Stewart’s a bleeding-heart hack, Joan Rivers is so old her Social Security number is “2,” and that movie about
gay cowboys eating pudding is going to win everything. No, the big news on the awards circuit is that Spurious George was nominated not for one, but (possibly erroneously) TWO Koufax Awards. Granted, the nominations come under the category of “Best Commenter,” which is the Koufax equivalent of “Best Key Grip in a Documentary about Gay Cowboys Eating Pudding,” but as a small voice of patriotism in the sea of hippies that is the leftist blogosphere, we’re happy for any scrap of recognition we can get.

P.S. Whoever nominated us needs to step forward and accept their
bribe money, er, due gratitude.

Spreading the Seed of Patriotism!

Mrs. Danger-Seeker, like her husband a rejectionist of Jesus-hating birth control, is again with child. As SG World Headquarters if flush with freedom-lovers of the feminine persuasion, we (ok, Rex) ask for you to join us in praying for a son. Plus, it’s never too early to start contributing to his campaign funds, so, you know, give til’ it hurts. Oh, and we’d welcome some ideas for names. BOY names!


*-Rex Kramer's awards include (but are not limited to) the prestigious Homeowner's Association Most Prominent Flag Display, a 2nd-Place Trophy from his glorious Little League days, as well as his high school's recognition as "Most Likely to Love America."

21 Comments:

Blogger a rose is a rose said...

i helped the lovely mr shakespeare name his little dog; mambo sven

so why not name your SON the name i ORIGINALLY suggested

wamba sven mustafa or was that mustafa wamba sven?

at any rate, congratulations to the WHOLE danger seeker family! may you never (as my father did) have THREE grrrls!

March 05, 2006 7:45 AM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Thanks, Rose. Mrs. Danger-Seeker has been warned that if she does not bear me a male heir, she will be soooo smited! Thus far I've been pushing the name "Keyser Soze" to no avail. If not, I'm leaning toward something a little more Biblical...like Charleton!

March 05, 2006 8:28 AM  
Blogger Lew Scannon said...

Seeing that you are a super-patriot, it only seems fitting that you give him a super patriot name, like Scooter.

March 05, 2006 11:53 AM  
Anonymous abi said...

Might I suggest you name the boy Sue. The junior Danger Seeker is going to have to be one tough son of a patriot to capture bin Laden, who no doubt will still be thriving in the hills of Pakistan by the time Sue comes of age.

Congrats to the entire America-loving Kramer family on your seedling patriot. May his/her first word be Dubya.

March 05, 2006 2:22 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Lew: Hmmmm...Scooter, huh? Not bad, but as his trial's not scheduled to begin until after Junior's due date, I can't take the chance he'd be named after a felon.

Abi: A boy named Sue, huh? I like it, except that it smacks of "frivolous lawsuit" legalese. That said, should Osama continue to elude us, I have no doubt my boy will put his political career on hold long enough to snag him.

March 05, 2006 2:31 PM  
Blogger Kathy said...

Congrats to the Danger-Seeker family.

May I suggest the name William (as in William Jefferson Clinton)? Willy was one smart, articulate, and sexy man, and he sure was good at running a country.

(He was also loving, considerate, and respectful of his mother!)

March 05, 2006 3:53 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

"P.S. Whoever nominated us needs to step forward and accept their bribe money, er, due gratitude.."

..ahem..{cough}

Congratulations to the Danger family for good news! Hope you have a LOT of money saved up for those diapers!(You do know they're made out of oil products)?
Where can we send the baby gifts? Tallahassee State Capitol, care of Jeb Bush?*


And congrates Rex, for being nominated!


*seriously, where can we send a gift?

March 05, 2006 3:58 PM  
Blogger Kvatch said...

"Dex Kramer, Liberal Reaper"? Or is that too over the top?

Congrats!

March 05, 2006 7:32 PM  
Anonymous Dude said...

Congratulations to the “Kramer” family.

Please consider the name Amerigo (as in Amerigo Vespucci). America was named after him...it should be good enough for your kid.

March 05, 2006 7:58 PM  
Blogger Adorable Girlfriend said...

I think Rex is just jealous because he cannot bag a hot gay cowboy to eat pudding with.

March 05, 2006 9:09 PM  
Anonymous Anita said...

Congratulations Mr. & Mrs. Danger-Seeker!!

Uh,hey. Well. My father was (and is still is, in fact) a true flag-waving patriot. He served in "the big one" ... Double U Double U Two. Never had this discussion with either my mother or father, but my sense is they were rejectionist of Jesus-hating birth control, just like you and Mrs. Danger-Seeker.

So, my point is. Well, hmmm, how do I break this to you. OK, the result was six girls.

How about: Amanda? Or Kiera?

March 05, 2006 10:06 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Kathy: Name my patriot son after that skirt-chasing, draft-dodging, cigar-(you-know-whatting)bastard? Not on my watch!

AJ: Instead of gifts, please think XY-chromosome thoughts on my behalf...oh, and I wouldn't mind the name of a good urologist (this WILL be the last little Danger-Seeker.) As this will be my third child (that I know of...hehehe...that joke never gets old,) I am well aware that knee-biters are expensive baubles. However, as I'm not a hippie, I have continuously employed since age 13 (child labor laws are for pussies.)

p.s. Thanks for the Koufax nod. I've been in contact w/the Wampum people, and even though they say they can't be bribed, we all know every man has hsi price.

Kvatch: Liberal reaper? Sounds grim...but I like it!

Dude: Amerigo sounds a tad...ethnic. That said, you've inspired me. What do you think of "America Loving Kramer?"

AG: Truth be told, there are no gay cowboys, and no one can tell me differently.

March 05, 2006 10:13 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Anita: Sweet. Jesus. SIX GIRLS?!? Is it possible that the same gene that pre-disposes some of us to uber-patriotism dooms us to father nothing but a future of wedding bills and the bodies of courters buried in the back yard?

March 05, 2006 10:16 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Anita:Six girls?? OMG.I bet he bought shotgun shells by the case...huh?

Rex, sorry my man, but I cannot in all honesty take credit for this nomination, but of course you know you have my vote.
Someone else is way ahead of me this time... I was actually thinking you were tied into TBR's nomination.

As far as suggesting a good urologist, I might give you a few words of wisdom:
They'll tell you it won't hurt, they'll tell you you'll be back at work the next day, they'll tell you everything will be the same.Then
they will smile and tell you it will be a walk in the park.


They're lying.

March 05, 2006 11:12 PM  
Anonymous LILY BRANFORD said...

Awww. On behalf of the hippies at Noose and Boots, congrats. May your baby be a danger seeking patriopath like his daddy. Names... what about Redwood? Patchouli? Noam? Trotsky?

Kvatch????

Send me my check soon, Rex.

March 05, 2006 11:28 PM  
Anonymous The Biblical Voice Of Charlton Heston said...

Every sperm is sacred...

March 05, 2006 11:29 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

AJ: Those tree-huggers at TBR "earned" their Koufax nod even before they saw the light and brought me aboard. Of course, ever since Kramerica joined their weekly rotation, the folks over at Pulitzer have taken notice...and they have let it be known that if ever they decide to award a Pulitzer for America-loving, TBR's a shoo-in!

Lily: The check's in the mail...try not to spend it all on rolling papers and love beads, ok?

Heston: Let the heathen spill them on the dusty trail!

March 05, 2006 11:38 PM  
Blogger Lew Scannon said...

aj, you've invoked some painful memories! my advice, Rex, frozen peas.

March 06, 2006 12:24 AM  
Blogger Neil Shakespeare said...

Well, you gotta go with 'Nick', I think, after 'Nick Danger, Third Eye'.

March 06, 2006 4:28 AM  
Anonymous Dude said...

The Koufax Award...you know that's a lefty award...right? Hippies give that thing out. I hope you win Kramer...how are you going to explain that to your pals on the right? They'll think you're another turn-coat like Bob Barr!

I challange all Spurious George fans to get in your votes to wampum.wabanaki.net when the time comes. The humiliation is on the way Kramer! Sic Semper Tyrannis!

March 06, 2006 11:45 AM  
Blogger fashiongirl said...

Come on Rex. There is only one choice for red blooded patriots like you and Mrs. Danger Seeker...Jesus, of course. It's biblical, a classic and doubles as a curse word. What could be better?

March 07, 2006 11:45 PM  

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