NEW YORK TO HOST “HIPPY-PALOOZA”

“Hillary Town” Welcomes America’s America-Haters

(New York) When the GOP held their 2004 national convention in New York City, they did so in the hope that one of the last bastions of America-hating would see the error of their rejectionist ways and finally embrace the undeniable logic of compassionate conservatism. Sadly, it appears that the “city that never sleeps” is also the city that never stops cutting and running, as the modern-day Gomorrah has agreed to host a futile anti-war concert featuring some of the leading names in freedom-hating.

The defeatist “Bring ‘Em Home Now” concert will be held at the city’s Hammerstein Ballroom, a favorite hangout amongst the town’s fringe elements, on March 20th…the 3rd anniversary of the opening salvos in our great nation’s liberation of the Iraqi people. The show, headlined by alternatively-lifestyled alternative rocker Michael Stipe of the band R.E.M. (“Really Enjoys Men,”) aims to give aid and comfort to the enemy by treasonously calling for a humiliating US retreat from Iraq. Stipe will be joined on stage by gangsta-rapper and Air America “talent” Chuck D, a man so ashamed of his anti-patriotism that he refuses to divulge his Christian name, as well as the second-most famous traitor alive today.

“Cindy Sheehan will be the master of ceremonies,” announced concert promoter and America’s most-famous traitor Michael Moore. Sheehan, who milked the heroic death of her son Casey for her 15 minutes of fame, has been compared by some to a former reality show contestant who clings pathetically to her D-list celebrity status. “As the living symbol of America’s vibrant anti-war movement, Cindy’s presence ensures that this event won’t turn into some kind of freak show.” Moore later admitted that Senator John Kerry had earlier decided to host the concert, before he decided against it. Moore also confessed that Sean Penn was later approached about accepting the master of ceremonies duties, but that he decided he could hurt America less by joining al Queda.

Concert organizers report that initial ticket sales have been sluggish, but they hope that a Hillary Clinton fundraiser scheduled for the same day will draw in the kind of America-haters that constitute the show’s target audience.