Thursday, August 03, 2006

RUMSFELD DENIES ARTISTIC ABILITY

“I’m a Doer, Not Some Hippie Dreamer” DefSec Admits

(Washington) Even among men with a lifetime of sterling achievement, some dreams die hard. So it is with Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, who today tearfully admitted before a Senate subcommittee his failure to become the artist his father wanted him to be.
“I never painted a rosy picture,*” lamented the usually-stoic secretary, who later explained that he suffered from a rare form of color-blindness that rendered him unable to see any of the colors in the red family. So shocking was this revelation that many of the more liberal Senators on the panel erroneously believed he had been referring to his pre-war prognosis for Iraq.



Especially and predictably confused was Senator Clinton (D-Lesbos,) who inexplicably harped upon the few minor glitches that had occurred along the Iraqis’ path toward sweet freedom…most of which are blamed on her own party’s defeatist agenda. "Under your leadership, there have been numerous errors in judgment that have led us to where we are in Iraq and Afghanistan,*" shrieked Clinton, obviously oblivious to the well-known fact that “where we are” in Iraq and Afghanistan is “all up in al Qaeda’s ass!” Once a female aide/possible lover explained to the future losing presidential candidate that Rumsfeld was merely venting his failure in the arts, Clinton resorted to schadenfreude-esque taunts. “I can draw better than you can,” sing-songed New York’s junior Senator, who then scribbled a female stick-figure with disproportionately large breasts.

An obviously-unburdened Rumsfeld later admitted to the Pentagon press corps that his confession had a cathartic effect on him, and that he was comfortable with his lack of artistic ability. “I mean,” sighed the history-enthusiast, “how many
failed artists have ever started a world war, tortured prisoners, and imprisoned people based solely on their religion?”

* - Indicates Actual Quotes

8 Comments:

Blogger Lew Scannon said...

It's too bad Rummy can't be an outsider artist.

August 04, 2006 11:48 PM  
Blogger dusty said...

What a magnificent find on a verey early Sat. morning.

Thanks Rex.

August 05, 2006 9:54 AM  
Blogger dusty said...

jesus, thats "very"..clearly,I haven't had coffee yet.

August 05, 2006 9:55 AM  
Blogger GraemeAnfinson said...

that US them picture sums it up

August 05, 2006 1:25 PM  
Blogger Carrie Oakey said...

dusty, don't blaspheme here at the Holiest of Holy sites!

August 06, 2006 5:21 PM  
Blogger sumo said...

I wouldn't want to be him...or Clinton for that matter.

August 07, 2006 2:44 AM  
Blogger pissed off patricia said...

Looked to me like he saw red while she was reading him the riot act. Seems he painted a rosey picture when Baghdad was being looted to kingdom come. He laughed and told us we were just seeing the same loop over and over and freedom was messy or something like that.

August 07, 2006 12:19 PM  
Blogger The Heretik said...

Oy. I see red.

August 10, 2006 1:11 AM  

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