Monday, December 05, 2005

HISTORIANS RANK BUSH HIGH

Experts Say Bush “Better Than Buchanan”

(Washington) According to a recent poll of presidential historians conducted by George Mason University, President Bush’s place amongst the greatest presidents is all but assured. The same poll revealed that James Buchanan, like John Murtha a Pennsylvania Democrat, is considered this nation’s worst president. While the accolades heaped upon Bush comes as no surprise to most Americans, Buchanan’s low ranking came as a shock to those who assumed that the dark days of the Clinton administration clearly were this country’s lowest.

Among those polled, an impressive 77 said that the Bush presidency will be viewed as a successful one in the decades to come. Many of these right-thinking historians most likely believe that Bush may in fact be our greatest president ever, although some might feel that at this point in his second term Bush lags only slightly behind President Reagan. Those who rated Bush’s presidency as something “less than the greatest” were believed to have tenure at some of American’s most liberal institutions, such as Harvard, Cal-Berkeley, and the New York Times.

Said presidential scholar Ann Coulter of the poll’s findings, “Clearly, these results should prove to even the girliest of nay-saying Democrats that not only do the vast majority of Americans believe in our leader, but so do those who are best equipped to gauge such things. As all conservatives believe, you can’t argue with science.”

The president, humble as always in victory as he is magnanimous in defeat (should that ever happen,) took the acknowledgement of his greatness in stride. “Well, as I’ve always said, this job is hard. It’s hard work, you see. Not just for me, but for my people. Good, hard working people. And so I’m thankful. And humbled. Humbled and thankful. May God continue to bless America.”

Bush later wrote thank-you cards to each of the learned men who had spoken, and rightly so, in favor of his presidency. The president took time in each card to also argue the case of Buchanan. “While a gay Democrat lawyer, he was, like me, a war president.” Polk, who served from 1856-1860, is often credited with laying the groundwork for the Civil War. “And although he passed on his war to a superior Republican president, something I hope to do, by the way. Not superior, of course, but Republican. Still, he was a man who knew the importance of staying the course, of not cutting, and of not running. And so, while Buchanan was no Bush, he was no Clinton, either.”

2 Comments:

Anonymous The Heretik said...

Good stuff, spurious one. I see Spurious George is coming out as a movie soon. Will have to see it. Til then, keep up the hilarious work.

December 05, 2005 2:29 PM  
Blogger DuWayne Brayton said...

When, pray tell did conservatives start believing in science. If it wasn't Ann Coulter I would swear that was tongue in cheek. . .The only reason I can't say with certainty that bush is the worse president ever is that I cannot see into the future. I pray every day that he is. . .

December 08, 2005 12:48 AM  

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