Tuesday, March 14, 2006


First Lady Laura Mulls Extending Bush Dynasty

(Washington) Someday in the not-too-distant future, a former First Lady may very well serve as Commander-in-Chief…but it certainly won’t be that bitch Hillary What’s-Her-Face. Today in a stunning and yet somehow not unexpected or unwelcome announcement, Laura Bush hinted that
America just may be ready for its’ first gyno-president. Lovely Laura needlessly added, “I'm voting for the Republican woman."

While not an official launch for the inevitable “Laura in 2008” campaign, her comments had many right-thinking Americans fantasizing about a dream Bush-Bush ticket in the next presidential election. “With
Iraq continuing to be a spectacular success, and with his poll numbers skyrocketing, President Bush could bring much to a Laura Bush ticket,” lucidly theorized the completely unbiased George H.W. Bush. “Of course, should she decide to look beyond her husband to someone equally qualified, patriotic and handsome, there are other Bush family members who’d gladly step up to the job, by golly. I’m just saying…you know, retirement can be so lonely.”

Other Washington insiders praised the idea of Laura re-decorating the White House until 2016. “I, for one, think the First Lady would be greeted as a hero, and not a conqueror should she decided to run,” predicted hero Dick Cheney. “Should she need someone to head up the search for a worthy running mate, well,
I know just the guy.”

“She is, like, so cool!” gushed Jenna Bush, a prospective Supreme Court nominee should Ruth Baden Ginsburg ever, God forbid, die. “Believe me, mom found my fake ID in a puddle of my own vomit; if she was queen of America, that Osama meanie would, like, be so caught.” Added voice of her generation and potential Secretary of State Barbara Bush (the hot one, not the old one,) “If mom ruled the world, I’d still be able to travel to
way-cool places! Plus, I’d still get those Secret Service studs to, like, follow me everywhere. One is, like, sooooo cute!”

Outside of the beltway, supporters eagerly lined up to praise a Laura Bush presidency. “She would continue to bring honor and dignity to the White House, which lost so much honor and dignity with the last president. Clinton, I mean,” testified Florida Governor Jeb Bush. “Frankly, I think her career should be taking care of my Georgie, but I suppose if she must work she may as well stick to the family business,” quipped patriotic private citizen Barbara Bush (the old one.) Independent businessman Neil Bush, in a telegram from his Dubai office, announced he and his Mid-East friends, “Stand behind Bush STOP Will send money STOP What’s the latest on the port deal? STOP.”

While the First Lady, like most in the Bush clan, is coy about her bright political intentions, an exploratory committee has been created to gauge exactly how much America loves her (i.e. a lot, or super-much.) Donations for her campaign, in increments of $10,000, are being accepted temporarily at the “Re-Elect Tom DeLay” fund.


Blogger Newsguy said...

You should be paid for writing this stuff.

March 15, 2006 1:01 AM  
Anonymous Dude said...

Could we please have more pictures of Katherine Harris "as she appears in natural light"? I beg you.

March 15, 2006 3:12 AM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Newsguy: While not technically a professional "journalist," I am, in fact, justly compensated by the same slush fund that supports our freedom-loving message in the Iraqi media. It's the least I can do for my country.

Dude: I'll see what I can do the next time I visit Katherine's beach house. The camera is kind to her, is it not?

March 15, 2006 5:33 AM  
Blogger a rose is a rose said...

forget about the bush twins in cabinet positions. put 'em in camo (NO body armor though) and ship 'em off to iraq (or is that iran????)

March 15, 2006 5:46 AM  
Blogger Ron Nasty said...

I think that'd be too much "bush" in the White House, if you know what I mean.

March 15, 2006 6:26 AM  
Anonymous Anita said...

Ok. Well, I'm for anything that will keep that woman from behind the wheel of a car. To quote Ron Nasty, "if you know what I mean."

March 15, 2006 1:06 PM  
Anonymous LIly, Miss Nasty if You're Nasty said...

I notice a trend of hippies quoting this Ron Nasty. But see how his hat degrades women and objectifies our life-giving mammaries? See how he uses words like bush to imply that we women are like landscaping? Ornamental shrubs!

And this Kramer fellow, with his patriophilic lust for the whorish Bush girls. His lust for Harris, Condi, Laura, Bay Buchanan even... have you no shame?

I don't hear you suggesting that Chelsea should replace RUTHIE on SCOTUS. Because she is a natural, unibrowed, shamelessly unwaxed WOMAN.

March 15, 2006 1:41 PM  
Anonymous The Biblical Voice Of Charlton Heston said...

Newsguy makes me think of No Neck from The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Just wanted to throw that out there.

Its just a jump to the left...

March 15, 2006 1:43 PM  
Anonymous Anita said...

I'm just feelin' a little sorry for Ron Nasty today. What, with the Jessica-Alba-Playboy incident and everything. You know what I'm saying?

March 15, 2006 3:26 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Rose: The Bush hotties, sadly, are ineligible for military service, as they surpass the legal "cuteness quotient." It's really a shame, as Jenna is handy with a grenade-launcher, and Barbara hates Osama more than bad hair days AND democrats.

Ron: I have no idea what you mean. I firmly believe, quite frankly, that this country needs more Bush...and more Busch as well (full-bodied imported beers are for pansies!)

Anita: Are you saying women are bad drivers?

Miss Nasty: To be honest, I never even noticed if Republican women have mammaries. More often than not, I'm transfixed by their stylishly-coiffed hair.

Biblical Voice: There's no WAY Charleton Heston would ever be seen at a Rocky Horror show, and to imply otherwise identifies you as a damn, dirty ape.

March 15, 2006 3:34 PM  
Anonymous Anita said...

No, not all women.


March 15, 2006 3:56 PM  
Blogger Kvatch said...

I think that'd be too much "bush" in the White House, if you know what I mean.

Nonsense. "Bush & Bush = Bushes". Bush x 2. Bush-Squared.

March 15, 2006 4:06 PM  
Blogger pissed off patricia said...

i'm with rose on this one. Bring on the twins! Matching camo and everything

March 15, 2006 8:02 PM  
Blogger Left of Center said...

excellent, perhaps Laura will restore the dignity of the Library of Congrss.

March 15, 2006 8:05 PM  
Blogger Ron Nasty said...

Lily miss nasty if you're nasty,
Please don't knock my hat, I bought it at a church yard sale! I'm hopin' someday it works too, if you know what I mean.

March 15, 2006 11:55 PM  
Anonymous Adorable Girlfriend said...

Those twins are lame. They are just another reason for 2008 to be the greatest year as I watch them pack up their bags and get the hell out of my life and media.

March 16, 2006 4:41 AM  
Blogger rev. billy bob gisher ©2005 said...

next you will tell me laura is a lesbian, you uber right wing pimp-daddy you.

March 16, 2006 1:44 PM  

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