Thursday, March 09, 2006

TAKE A BOW, HIPPIES!

SG Recognizes Our Regular Readers’ Koufax Nods

(Orlando) We here at fair-and-balanced Spurious George World Headquarters give credit where credit’s due…even when the recipient of that credit hates America with every fiber of his or her tie-dyed being. In that spirit, today we recognize the rejectionists among you who have been “honored” with a nomination for a Koufax Award (voting open now at
Wampum.) Listed below are the nominees in each category, a comment on each by our own Rex Kramer, as well as a special treat…an additional comment by Rex’s black sheep hippie brother, Kryptonite Kramer.

BEST BLOG (NON-PRO)

Agitprop

Rex: This blog has as its’ photo-icon a still from Dr. Strangelove, one of the most America-hating films of all time. Disgusting!

Kryptonite: Oh, Rex! Get over your Hollywood-bashing! I thought you’d be happy that Brokeback Mountain lost!

The Heretik

Rex: This site moves more than Hillary Clinton!

Kryptonite: For a man, H writes beautifully. Lyrical, almost. I’m moved to tears at times.

Rex: You’re such a pussy.

BEST COMMENTER

Comandante Agi

Rex: He’s a Californian. Need I say more?

Kryptonite: Rex, I live in California!

Rex: Exactly.

Rex Kramer AND Danger Seeker

Rex: So patriotically nice, I had to be nominated twice!

Kryptonite: Mom still liked me best.

MOST HUMOROUS BLOG

Agitprop

Rex: There’s nothing funny about America-hating.

Kryptonite: You were dropped on your head, weren’t you?

The Blue Republic

Rex: Can you believe these hippies were nominated BEFORE I made them more fair and balanced?

Kryptonite: I read it every day…except for Saturday.

The Heretik

Rex: Another multiple-nominee. Just goes to show there’s only about 5 lefty blogs out there.

Kryptonite: Jealous much?

Neil Shakespeare

Rex: Exhibit #1 that drugs and blogging don’t mix.

Kryptonite: Go Mambo Sven!

Pime Forest Collective

Rex: What the hell’s a “pime?”

Kryptonite: Um, I have no idea. German for “funny?”

MOST HUMOROUS POST

Neil Shakespeare:
New Jesus Monument Sparks Controversy

Rex: Mocking Jesus is funny?

Kryptonite: Sure! I mean, have you seen his shoes?

BEST GROUP BLOG

The Defeatists

Rex: With a name like that, it has to hate America.

Kryptonite: Weren’t you a defeatist when it came to getting a date?

Rex: I’m so going to kick your ass!

BEST WRITING

The Heretik

Rex: Sweet Jesus, again?

Kryptonite: It’s called ‘talent,’ Rex. Look it up.

Rex: In a dictionary? Not in this lifetime!

Neil Shakespeare

Rex: Are you frigging kidding me?!? Neil compares Bush to Satan!

Kryptonite: What do you mean, ‘compares?’

DESERVING OF WIDER RECOGNITION

The Blue Republic

The Defeatists

Neil Shakespeare

Rex: Great. Just what these hippies need…more attention.

Kryptonite: Oh, look who’s talking, “Mr. Chin Lift!”

Ed Note: This column in no way signifies Spurious George’s endorsement for any nominee. To do so would only give aid and comfort to the enemy. Also, if we neglected to list any of your nominations, well, be glad that you weren’t included in this America-hating bunch (but still, let us know and we’ll fix it.)


Kryptonite's Final Word: I don't pray, but I'll be meditating for all of you (well, except for Rex. Recognition only encourages his kind.) Good luck!

Rex' Final Decree: People, the Koufax Awards are for amatuers! For real hard-core America-hating, look no further that the aptly named "America-Hating Awards" (A-HAs)...coming soon!

20 Comments:

Anonymous Disinterested Third Party said...

This Blue Republic website seems almost divinely inspired. Not only is it brilliantly written, but I think the guys at TBR volunteer weekends at Darfur refugee camps saving children’s lives, and rebuilding their fragile economy. And that Dude guy loves kittens, and American stuff.

March 09, 2006 3:39 AM  
Blogger Neil Shakespeare said...

Well, you got my vote for Best Commentator, Rex. You're the one who keeps all us aging hippies in line by pointing out the error - not to mention the absurdity - of our ways. Say, you don't work for that 'Lincoln Group', do you? I also heard you were blogging for free for Walmart these days, hoping to get a job as one of those 'greeters' in your retirement days. It's a terrible rumor, I know. I don't know where it could have gotten started...

March 09, 2006 4:07 AM  
Blogger a rose is a rose said...

i am LITERALLY CRYING (with laughter that is)

thanks for starting my day off so well

March 09, 2006 6:31 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

O my. After I get home later today, from helping to eradicate the rain forests, I will pop a few pain killers and crawl to the voting booths at Wampum.

Kudos to Neil, who articulates my thoughts.
Thanks for being an excellent writer Rex!

March 09, 2006 8:14 AM  
Anonymous Anita said...

Is it possible that Kryptonite and Rex are actually related?

I can imagine the dinner-table discussions ...

*she moves out of the way of flying chicken wings and mashed potatoes*

March 09, 2006 11:54 AM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

You people DO realize that the Koufax Awards are a front for the FBI, right? I mean, what better way to identify the America-hating hippies than to draw them together on one site?

Brilliant, if you ask me.

P.S. Krytonite is, in fact, my paternal twin brother. Ever see "Twins?" He's the Danny DeVito of the two.

March 09, 2006 12:15 PM  
Blogger rev. billy bob gisher ©2005 said...

i am disgusted with you. no amount of principle justifies giving the other side props what the hell is wrong with you? have you sold out?

March 09, 2006 1:32 PM  
Anonymous Dude said...

I just finished voting for you Kramer. Your comeuppance is nigh. Soon hippies from all over the country will know of your conservative ways, and will circle your house and levitate you and your whole Republican family (better sends the kids off to grandma’s for the day…oh and Mrs. Kramer too as she is with child...and Kryptonite, he doesn't need to see this). Do not ask for whom the bell tolls Mr. Kramer…

March 09, 2006 4:35 PM  
Anonymous Tasty Bonobo Entree Offering said...

Oh sure, the bonafide hippies are shunned. Well, go on Neil and Dude. Sell out! Sell out! Commercialized bastards.

So we have Ruth Bader Ginsburg in a bikini- don't call us lowbrow!

Blog Snobs.

March 09, 2006 5:18 PM  
Anonymous Dude said...

Commercialized...Commercialized?

Don't you have to get paid to be commercialized? The only money that changes hands on our site is from me to the people selling me band width. If the site gets any "freer" I'll have to take out a loan.

March 09, 2006 6:35 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Dude,
..and I just voted for you.
Time to take out that loan..

March 09, 2006 7:37 PM  
Anonymous abi said...

You're really getting schizoid, Rex/Krypto. Any other voices in there? Besides Jesus, I mean.

March 09, 2006 9:57 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Rev: We're fair AND balanced!

Monkey Girl: If it's consolation, I believe you hate America more than anyone here.

Dude: Nothing worth having is free. I mean, look at freedom! Is that free? I think not.

AJ: Have you seen his credit report? Let's just say they stiffened the bankruptcy laws for a reason.

Abi: Luckily, Krypto went back to his hippie San Fran digs, not to be seen again in these parts until he needs to borrow money again.

March 09, 2006 10:08 PM  
Anonymous Adorable Girlfriend said...

You were robbed, dude. Robbed. Do-over. Re-count!

March 10, 2006 12:04 AM  
Blogger pissed off patricia said...

Good luck to everyone of them. They all deserve it!

Rex Kramer, danger seeker.....I just love to say it!

March 10, 2006 11:40 AM  
Anonymous Dude said...

You know I think the Koufax Award is probably beyond the reach of most of us because it frankly requires a lot of effort and organization to campaign for it. I truthfully am lacking in these qualities. It took all the effort I could muster just to vote for myself. God only knows how I managed to vote for you other people. I’m just happy the nomination process required no work on my part.

March 10, 2006 6:15 PM  
Anonymous The Heretik said...

Always entertaining. Thanks to both of you. And everyone else as well.

March 10, 2006 9:38 PM  
Anonymous The Biblical Voice Of Charlton Heston said...

Campaign??? AKA Blogwhoring??

What happens when a bunch of people blogwhore at the same time? How does a bonobo choose? What if she loves you all?
OK maybe Dude is loved a little extra.

MONKEY GIRL! HMPH!

America hating enough for an AHA award Rex?

March 10, 2006 9:48 PM  
Anonymous Dude said...

Let's face it...we all want one of those first "A-HA" awards. You get one of those...and you are on the map baby! And frankly - I am willing to sleep with people for it.

March 11, 2006 2:57 AM  
Blogger Comandante Agí said...

Thanks for your support, Rex. You're one hell of a red-blooded, conservative American patriot!

March 13, 2006 2:01 PM  

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