Monday, March 13, 2006

KATHERINE HARRIS, PERSECUTED MINORITY

Overt Discrimination Unfairly Harming Senate Bid

(Long Boat Key, FL) Despite their long ago-disproved claim of representing the downtrodden, it appears the baseless and hurtful accusations Democrats have hurled at patriotic princess
Katherine Harris (R-FL) may have forced the former beauty queen to forego what most concede would have been a successful challenge to Sen. Bill Nelson’s seat. Bowing out from the recent Southern Republican Leadership Council meeting in Memphis, Harris declared in that lilting, debutante falsetto of hers, “Unfortunately, I am unable to join you this weekend, as I prayerfully prepare with my family, friends and advisors to finalize the strategy for a major announcement next week concerning my candidacy for the U.S. Senate.” (Note: SG consulted the definitive Goldwater Conservative Dictionary, and determined that “prayerfully” is not only a word, it’s a Jesus-approved one.)

While her brief statement was in no way a legally-binding notice of withdrawal from the race, sources close to the situation have revealed that Harris, a demure flower of delicate Southern womanhood, has grown weary of liberals’ constant and unfounded criticism. “It all started in 2000, glorious 2000,” reminisced rock of support Karl Rove. “The out-of-the-mainstream media used
altered photos of her that made comely Katherine look like Cruella De Ville. I mean, have you ever seen someone with a political axe to grind stoop so low?

Harris, who as a white, female Christian benefactor of a
millionaire grandfather has long known the sting of discrimination. “Democrats inexplicably hated Katherine log before 2000; in fact, it all started with her first Florida Senate run in 1994,” recalled family friend and future President Jeb Bush. “Back then, they baselessly accused her of taking $20,000 in illegal contributions from Riscorp, then later supporting legislation favorable to that wonderful institution. Now they claim she’s again taken dirty money. Clearly, the Democratic Party hates women.”

Of course, the most direct incident of Harris-hating was personified in Floridian freedom-hater Barry Seltzer. Seltzer, who many believe was contracted by Gore loyalists,
attempted to run over Harris and millions of her supporters at a Sarasota pep rally/prayer breakfast. Seltzer was subsequently convicted and rendered to Yemen, but not before being allowed to serve as John Kerry’s Florida campaign chairman.

Harris’ persecution brought statements of support from throughout the nation. South Dakota governor Mike Rounds lamented Florida’ lack of support for women, and pledged that if Harris chose to relocate to his state, “she would be worshipped as a goddess, unless, of course, she wanted an abortion.”

14 Comments:

Blogger GraemeAnfinson said...

"Harris, who as a white, female Christian benefactor of a millionaire grandfather has long known the sting of discrimination."

so true. Where is the special interest group with here rights in mind? (besides congress and the white house and the supreme court)

March 13, 2006 4:11 PM  
Blogger GraemeAnfinson said...

i mean her rights

March 13, 2006 4:12 PM  
Anonymous Anita said...

Sorry Rex Kramer, I don't believe that first picture was "photoshopped" ... call me a skeptic, but I think she IS Cruella deVille.

Oh, and nothing against Florida, mind you, but what's up with all the eyeliner women wear down there? Actually, I noticed that something happens to womens' eyes in general just about when you cross the Mason-Dixon line. Is it something in the water?

No offense. But we hippy-girls up North don't believe in make-up. It makes us RepugliKans.

March 13, 2006 4:26 PM  
Anonymous Dude said...

Pirated copy of PhotoShop?

That's just one of those urban legends. Pirated software does not exist.

March 13, 2006 5:35 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

G-man: Is discrimination of white heiresses any less hateful just because a handful of Senators and a token Supreme Court Justice or two happens to share your skin color, reproductive organs and tax bracket any less hateful?

Anita: I don't know which Floridians your are talking about; certainly none of the girls at the Tri-Delt house or the DAR center. Here in FL, we have a name for women who wear too much makeup: whores (it's a Southern thing.)

Dude: Oh, it exists alright, albeit mostly in China (where hippies have long learned at the knees of godless Maoist bastards.)

March 13, 2006 6:12 PM  
Blogger Left of Center said...

hehe nice. if I had doctored that it would be alot different

March 13, 2006 6:32 PM  
Blogger Lew Scannon said...

"she would be worshipped as a goddess, unless of course, she wanted an abortion."Wouldn't some one have to knock her up first? I don't think there's enough liquor in the world.

March 13, 2006 9:15 PM  
Anonymous abi said...

LOL funny pics, Rex. But I think you're living a little too dangerously. You're a Floridian. She's a Floridian. If she sees these pictures, you might get a surprise visit from her some dark midnight, and it won't be the natural-light Katherine.

March 13, 2006 9:51 PM  
Blogger Comandante Agí said...

Hey Rex, have you seen the Katherine Harris Photo Contest?

Me like it when she shakes her boobies for freedom!

March 13, 2006 10:08 PM  
Anonymous anita said...

Looks like the puppy is winning though ...

March 13, 2006 11:20 PM  
Blogger Neil Shakespeare said...

Boy, that second picture just shows to what depths the Dems will go with their photoshopping! Scandalous. Thanks once again, Mr. Danger, for being right on top of Katherine Harris. Er, I mean, on top of Katherine Harris developments. No, no. Not her 'developments', but rather her...um...oh forget it.

March 14, 2006 7:08 AM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

LOC: I have no doubt. Why can't you hippies leave the poor (ok, rich) woman alone?

Lew: There's always Ted Kennedy.

Abi: A late-night visit from Katherine? Such is the stuff of my dreams.

Agi: The photo of Katherine's visage super-imposed on Castro's mug was most offensive.

Anita: I take that back. Katherine as a dog? Why do hippes hate strong, conservative women so?

Neil: Easy, big fella.

March 14, 2006 7:59 AM  
Blogger cookie christine said...

I can't wait for her big announcement. I think maybe she's gonna tell us that she's switching eye shadow shades.

March 14, 2006 7:24 PM  
Anonymous Adorable Girlfriend said...

How long do you think she spends glueing on those eyebrows and picking out such a 'ho bag red lipstick color? I think she was the model for Felicity Huffman in Transgender.

She is one scary woman, and not just because she's Republican.

March 14, 2006 8:02 PM  

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