Monday, March 27, 2006

TANCREDO TOSSES SOMBRERO INTO RING

GOP Congressman to Make White House “White Again”

(Denver) Accurately describing the 11 million immigrants in the US “a scourge that threatens the very future of our nation,*” Congressman Tom Tancredo (R-CO) announced that if his party’s presidential candidates don’t call for the immediate deportation of these freeloaders,
he himself would seek the nomination. Asked if he believed he was a legitimate contender, Tancedo stated, “Why not? Last time I checked, illegal aliens can’t vote in this country…at least until, God forbid, the Democrats take power.”

Tancredo,
darling of the patriotically-named Minuteman Project, represents the border state of Colorado (New Mexico is now almost completely in enemy hands,) a land vulnerable to attack at any moment. “They willingly ceded Colorado to the US following the liberation of Texas, but, being shifty Indian-givers, they now want it back,” alleged the Defender of Denver. “Thanks to our current porous immigration policy, sleeper agents have been filtering into my state for 150 years now. When they wake up from their siesta, everyone, even Republicans, will forget all about 9/11.”

The level-headed Tancredo underscored his concern for America’s future by championing a bill that would remove 4 stars from the US flag. “Texas, New Mexico and Arizona are already behind enemy lines, and
after what we saw this weekend it appears that despite the governor’s best efforts, California has joined the ranks of North Mexico.” While the bill faces stiff opposition from liberal unionized workers in the illegal immigrant-powered flag industry, it served to open debate regarding Tancredo’s double-pronged plan for stemming the immigrant flow; a pre-emptive war on Mexico and construction of a “Great Wall of America” across the southern border.

“Not just any old wall, but one visible from space and surrounded by a flaming moat of imported oil,” suggested Tancredo, who often doodles sketches of such a construction when Congress is in session and Democrats have the floor. “It would be guarded by armed men, no, better yet, fire-breathing dragons! Yeah, that’d be cool! Anyway, while the cost of such a project may be a concern to some, I can assure you that profits made from the increased flow of oil in Iraq will more than pay for this necessary and patriotic endeavor.”

In an unrelated event, Halliburton’s Mythical Creature subsidiary announced that it is the only firm capable of delivering the vast numbers of fire-breathing dragons necessary for protecting our nation’s women and children from the Spanish-speaking horde. In anticipation of a well-deserved no-bid contract, the company recently increased production of the fearsome animals at its’ Tijuana facility.

* - Indicates actual quote

9 Comments:

Blogger pissed off patricia said...

Okay, then the repubs will toss his hat back out. It was made in Mexico. Tsk Tsk

March 27, 2006 6:58 PM  
Anonymous Dude said...

Karl rove called this guy a traitor ..."you might wonder just how nutty you have be to get this White House angry. I mean this White House invites people like Pat Robertson, and Jerry Falwell in. Well, congressman Tancredo is pretty nutty. On a recent talk radio show he was asked how he thought America should respond if terrorists struck this country with nuclear weapons. Tancredo announced that “..what if you said something like -- if this happens in the United States, and we determine that it is the result of extremist, fundamentalist Muslims, you know, you could take out their holy sites.” When the radio host replied "You're talking about bombing Mecca," Tancredo responded “Yeah”.

Holy sites Tom? Holy shit!"

The Blue Repulblic

March 27, 2006 8:36 PM  
Blogger Newsguy said...

Tancredo was right about California. You can't turn around without seeing some Mexican illegal cutting a lawn or trimming a tree or picking grapes or washing dishes in a restaurant. First thing we need to do is round 'em all up and send em back to Tijuana. Pronto.

Second thing is we need to shut down all the Mexican restaurants in Los Angeles and replace 'em with good old red white and blue American restaurants that serve pizzas and burgers and french fries and chinese takeout.

March 28, 2006 12:33 AM  
Blogger GraemeAnfinson said...

Why don't we pay the illegal immigrants to guard the border? Fight fire with fire. they know all the tricks in the book to get across. plus they will work for like 4 dollars (or 12,000,000 pesos) an hour

March 28, 2006 4:16 AM  
Blogger a rose is a rose said...

i don't hablo espanol but to mr tancrapo AND to halliburton i say

chinga

March 28, 2006 5:32 AM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

P.O.P: Actually, it was made in Chine, but that's an issue for another day.

Dude: In case you haven't been paying attention, we're at war. What were the WTC towers but holy shrines to American business?

Newsguy: Extactamundo, mi amigo!

Grae: I like the way you think, but I'll do you one better. Why not contstruct the wall out of illegal immigrants? Their infinately cheaper than bricks!

Rose: I bet you wouldn't say that to a fire-breathing dragon!

March 28, 2006 7:44 AM  
Blogger mikevotes said...

My favorite Tancredo was when he tested the phrase preserving our national identity.

Mike

(by the way, sombrero into the ring is pretty damn funny.)

March 28, 2006 10:50 AM  
Blogger a rose is a rose said...

dearest mr danger seeker, next time you have a few seconds in your VERY busy danger seeking schedule, look at the question in my profile. A DRAGON HAS MY BACK so i have NO worries

March 28, 2006 11:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The illegals are really hurting the American tradesmen.. The wages for construction jobs are going down because of them, I know you probably dont care about guys who work with their hands, but I thought Democrats were supposed to look out for blue coller workers...

April 02, 2006 6:28 PM  

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