RED-BLOODED SCHOOL BOYS REJOICE!
Lafave Guilty Only of “Being Too Hot”
(Marion Co, FL) As anyone in the mainstream will attest, ‘child molestation,’ strictly interpreted, is defined as any disgusting sexual offense committed against a defenseless little girl by a twisted, sub-human adult male who was paroled under the Clinton administration. Fortunately, prosecutors in Florida do not legislate from in front of the bench, and thus agreed with this precedent when they dropped charges against teacher Debra Lafave for the so-called crime of having consensual sex with an underage male student.
Lafave’s redemption was hailed throughout the state as an indication that, maybe, not all courts hate America. “No one that pretty should ever go to prison,” reasonably claimed Governor Jeb Bush, who has kept true to his beliefs by only sending ugly men to Florida’s death row. “I mean, look at my lovely daughter Noelle. Had partisan prosecutors followed through with their trumped-up charges against her, she might very well be someone’s very attractive prison girlfriend.” The future president’s daughter has since gone onto a fabulously-successful career as a drug-free supermodel under the nom de plum “Kate Moss.”
“Oh my, the hot little number deserves jail about as much as Florida deserves six more years of disservice by Senator Bill Nelson,” commented Rep. Katherine Harris (R-FL,) herself a former Miss Florida and someone many’a schoolboy dreams of nailing. Harris, who knows the wisdom of “shake ‘em if you got ‘em,” hopes Lafave’s ordeal sends a strong message to the nation’s law enforcement officers. “Just because someone’s white and beautiful doesn’t mean they’re a criminal. Look at me; I’m white and beautiful, and I’ve never committed a crime…certainly not anything involving taking illegal campaign contributions, if that’s what you’re inferring!”
As for Lafave, her justified release means that she will not have to adhere to municipal ordinances sweeping the state that limit where convicted sex offenders may reside. The Orlando-based Nickelodeon Network took advantage of this development by announcing a :”Live with Lafave” contest, in which one lucky pre-teen boy will win a one-week stay with the Teutonic teacher at a Hedonism Resort. In addition, the Fox Network immediately obtained the rights to Lafave’s story, tentatively titled, “Hot for Teacher: Desire in Detention.” While no casting news was announced, Pamela Anderson is rumored to be the favorite for the lead role (with a cameo by Mary Kay Letourneau!)
Debra Lafave could not be reached for comment, but let’s be honest…someone that hot doesn’t have to talk.
(Marion Co, FL) As anyone in the mainstream will attest, ‘child molestation,’ strictly interpreted, is defined as any disgusting sexual offense committed against a defenseless little girl by a twisted, sub-human adult male who was paroled under the Clinton administration. Fortunately, prosecutors in Florida do not legislate from in front of the bench, and thus agreed with this precedent when they dropped charges against teacher Debra Lafave for the so-called crime of having consensual sex with an underage male student.
Lafave’s redemption was hailed throughout the state as an indication that, maybe, not all courts hate America. “No one that pretty should ever go to prison,” reasonably claimed Governor Jeb Bush, who has kept true to his beliefs by only sending ugly men to Florida’s death row. “I mean, look at my lovely daughter Noelle. Had partisan prosecutors followed through with their trumped-up charges against her, she might very well be someone’s very attractive prison girlfriend.” The future president’s daughter has since gone onto a fabulously-successful career as a drug-free supermodel under the nom de plum “Kate Moss.”
“Oh my, the hot little number deserves jail about as much as Florida deserves six more years of disservice by Senator Bill Nelson,” commented Rep. Katherine Harris (R-FL,) herself a former Miss Florida and someone many’a schoolboy dreams of nailing. Harris, who knows the wisdom of “shake ‘em if you got ‘em,” hopes Lafave’s ordeal sends a strong message to the nation’s law enforcement officers. “Just because someone’s white and beautiful doesn’t mean they’re a criminal. Look at me; I’m white and beautiful, and I’ve never committed a crime…certainly not anything involving taking illegal campaign contributions, if that’s what you’re inferring!”
As for Lafave, her justified release means that she will not have to adhere to municipal ordinances sweeping the state that limit where convicted sex offenders may reside. The Orlando-based Nickelodeon Network took advantage of this development by announcing a :”Live with Lafave” contest, in which one lucky pre-teen boy will win a one-week stay with the Teutonic teacher at a Hedonism Resort. In addition, the Fox Network immediately obtained the rights to Lafave’s story, tentatively titled, “Hot for Teacher: Desire in Detention.” While no casting news was announced, Pamela Anderson is rumored to be the favorite for the lead role (with a cameo by Mary Kay Letourneau!)
Debra Lafave could not be reached for comment, but let’s be honest…someone that hot doesn’t have to talk.
posted by Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker at Tuesday, March 21, 2006
11 Comments:
I don’t know what this means, but Kramer...you are starting to make more and more sense! Good gawd would I like to live in the house that arrests her! There will be women who questions your thinking on this Rex....ignore them! They to NOT understand!
Where were the teachers like that when I was in high school? I certainly needed to be taught a lesson and wouldn't have minded staying after school.
no comment but i hope y'all can read my mind
Dude: As I live in a house with three females, I have lost all ability to ignore them. God help us if they ever get the right to vote!
Lew: Exactly...this dedicated young teacher was merely providing her students with practical exercises in biology. More educators should follow her example (but only the hot ones, of course.)
Rose: As I am not a practicer of the occult, I can not read minds. However, if I were to hazard a guess, I'd go with "This is Pulitzer material!"
Obviously the solution here is to place her under house arrest with one of those sexy GPS ankle bracelets and instead of sending the Boy Scout troops to Camp Wilderness or whatever they send them over to her house to camp out so they can all earn those coveted Gangbang Merit Badges without which you can no longer make Eagle Scout.
when i read this i thought of YOU and YOU only (it pertains to a previous post of yours but i am far too lazy to scroll down and find that one)
Dad Arrested After Toddler Wanders Into Strip Club
c'mon mr danger, was that YOU?
did you see her at her press conference? she was saying she was sorry for the kid. What? When I was 14 I would have been the most popular kid in town if i would have been banging that.
Mr. Pop made some politically incorrect comments when he saw her on TV last night. Something like, what male wouldn't want to sleep with her, adult or teen?
Mr. Pop no longer speaks clearly due to his recently broken jaw. I accidentally dropped a cast iron skillet on him. This horrible accident occurred just after his comment about the teacher.
EGAD! Makes me wish I were a red-blooded American male, instead of a commie amphibian with my brain in my spine.
Neil: And to think, I used to think Eagle Scouts were nerds!
Rose: I would never, ever bring my toddler to a strip club. Of course, my toddler is a girl. Should the next Danger-Seeker baby be a boy (ohpleaseohpleaseogplease,) well, that'd be a different story.
Grae: She also kept talking about her "disease." Hey, if sexiness is a disease, let's slash funding to find the cure!
P.O.P: So appreciation of human beauty is greeted with domestic violence in your house, is it? Poor Mr. POP.
Kvatch: Actually, as long as you're an underage frog, you might have a chance!
ah mr dangerseeker, what if your daughter wanted to take up the pole? now there's an interesting thought
(and my popi had three daughters and HE did just fine)
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