Wednesday, April 26, 2006


Greedy Survivors Give Aid, Comfort to Enemy

(Alexandria, VA) Family members of victims of 9/11 (and really, weren’t we all victims of 9/11?) who once praised the government for its’ immediate retaliation against al Queda-loving Iraq, now seem bent on providing aid and comfort to the same people that brought about “the Day that Changed Everything©.” Relatives of those who bravely gave their lives in the name of freedom on 9/11 and who have been offered a more-than-fair settlement of $7 billion from the government, have instead opted to sabotage the hugely-popular (and even more patriotic) War on Terror© for the sole purpose of satisfying their own greed.

These ingrates’ most recent America-hating act was revealed today, when
they filed a motion to gain access to evidence collected in the government’s case against Hillary Clinton’s former pen pal, Zacarias Moussaoui. The self-serving reason? To further their baseless civil wrongful death lawsuit, a frivolous case that shames the memory of their heroic kin and the role they played in making America safer for democracy. Government attorneys contend, and rightly so, that releasing such sensitive information could potentially damage future cases against those responsible (in addition to Saddam) for 9/11…should they ever be brought to justice.

Prosecutors further argued that the requested evidence, while currently unclassified, could be re-classified as “super-duper top secret” should the Decider-in-Chief deem the information vital to national security. “As everyone knows, under the guidelines set forth in the universally-applauded Patriot Act, if the President says it’s a secret, it’s a secret,” patiently explained Attorney General Alberto Gonzales. Gonzales, who may have had a distant (but dearly-loved) third cousin interning at a Wall Street law firm located only blocks away from the World Trade Center on that fateful day, knows the heartbreak 9/11 families feel, but asserted that their refusal to “let go” must be balanced against the good of the nation. “Will a few unclassified documents of little consequence bring back the thousands of Americans killed by Saddam Hussein’s henchmen on the 11th day of September? No…and to suggest otherwise is clearly irresponsible, and not a little America-hating.”

Especially galling was the fact that some family members assisted the government by testifying against the defendant in the Moussaoui trial, and then before a much-deserved death sentence could be passed down (keep your fingers crossed) decided to stab America in the back. Speaking for the administration for the last time, Medal of Freedom-winning White House spokesman Scott McClellan declared, “These people, like our Old Europe allies sitting on the fence regarding the Iranian crisis, need to decide if they’re with us or against us.”

Ed. Note: Is Rex Kramer an asshole? Vote now in SG's latest poll!


Blogger Carrie Oakey said...

Well said! I can't believe these people who lost family members due to the actions of Moussaoui wouldn't want to see him strapped to the front end of a 757 and flown into Iran's secret weapon facilities!

April 26, 2006 10:45 PM  
Blogger a rose is a rose said...

wow 100% 'no' on the rex kramer asshole pole. then i do a doubletake and see there is only ONE vote...............

April 27, 2006 6:39 AM  
Blogger rev. billy bob gisher ©2005 said...

to admit that we all were victims of 911 would admit that we all need mental help, and i hate to agree with Tom Cruise but we need to be metered before that. really, everything is just fine, and none of us has any problems, everything is OK.

April 27, 2006 12:39 PM  
Blogger pissed off patricia said...

What would baby jesus say about these people? Would he be pissed? Well he was such a softy he probably would want to grant their wishes.

April 27, 2006 4:12 PM  
Blogger pissed off patricia said...

LOL, totally missed the asshole vote the first time by. I'll try to vote as often as possible and I'll vote the same way every time, cause it just feels so damned good!

April 27, 2006 6:10 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Carrie: Oh, they want him long as the gov't that they hate pays them. Ingrates.

Rose: Thank you for your vote of non-assholedness. If the vote turns out favorable to me, I might have "I am not an asshole" inscribed upon my tomb.

The Good Rev: I have lived my life by the mantra/college drinking lyric, "everything gonna be alright." So far, so good.

POP: Even the Baby Jesus can vote only once a day.

April 27, 2006 7:47 PM  

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