Monday, April 17, 2006

SCIENTISTS PROVE THEY HATE AMERICA

Patriotism Has No Place in the Lab

(Forty Fort, PA) As one might expect, the Jesus-hating scientific elite say they love America, but do they really? That’s a rhetorical question; of course they don’t! For example, in a recent feeble statement LabCorp of America spokesperson/Christ-denier Pam “Osama Bin” Sherry defensively announced, “I can assure you as a company we stand behind our military and military employees.*” However, despite this pathetic and half-hearted pledge of allegiance, her spitting-on-the stars and stripes scientist supervisors
recently admonished an employee for…wait for it…being too patriotic!!!

Jane Rutkoski, a nurse who in her free time volunteers to tend to the wounds of our brave soldiers and counsels those raped by Democrats, was recently admonished by her LabCorp “superiors” for her interior decorating choices. According to SG’s sources, Rutkoski had the nerve to tastefully adorn her office with patriotic zeal; “offensive” knick-knacks such as the Constitution, the US flag and artwork honoring our brave men and women in uniform were prominent throughout her work space. Ordered to remove the red, white and blueness of her office or face termination, Rutkoski did the only thing any good patriot would do; she quit.

“I was brought up to respect our country and the price that was paid for it.*”

Like soldiers on the battlefield who pay the ultimate price, Rutkoski’s heroicism was downplayed by those who hate those who love our freedoms. While unavailable for comment, it is assumed that Sen. John Kerry (D-MA) would have said in reaction to Rutkoski’s martyrism, “The gall of flagrantly flaunting jingoistic paraphernalia that perpetuate the myopic erroneous view of American ethnocentrism is beyond reprehension, and completely insensitive to her apatriotic comrades.” Kerry, who eschewed his own ill-earned Purple Hearts in an act that spat in the face of all who adore purples mountains majesty as well as amber waves of grain, might have also added, “It sickens me to think that there are 11 million Mexican nationals, or as I like to call them, “pre-citizens,” in this country right now who would gladly take Ms. Rutkoski’s job and who would bring much-needed multi-ethnic viewpoints to the inferior Anglo-centric workplace.”

Patriotic Senate Republicans (redundant, we know) railed against Kerry’s complete lack of patriotic fervor and rallied to Rutkoski’s side. Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, amended the bill he championed that would make flag-burning illegal to include a provision that would make flag ownership compulsory. “A flag in front of every household, or the lack thereof, would clearly demonstrate who loves their country, and who votes Democratic.” Frist, who vowed that his bill was in no way influenced by his majority stake in the Monolithic American Flag Company, further promised that, if elected President, would make mandatory the recitation of the Pledge of Allegiance before every scientific experiment. “Maybe then those who would claim that we descended from the south-end of a northbound red-assed baboon would think twice before bad-mouthing their country!”

* - Indicates Actual Quotes

12 Comments:

Anonymous Dude said...

I like how Ms. Sherry "...stressed the company is not anti-American." The damned company is called LabCorp of America...and its corporate office is in North Carolina. Yet she felt the need to stress they were not “anti-American. She sounds like she's been counseled by a democratic strategist.

April 18, 2006 3:09 AM  
Blogger Gun-Toting Liberal said...

The one biggest problem I have with our Constitution is found in Section 8, where it is MANDATED by our ForeFathers that the sciences must be promoted. Science is a tewell of the Debil, and dinosaur bones have been laid around the world by God to test our faith.

The sooner we can put a lid on these global warming Paul Revere spouting wannabe, Debil lubbin', stem cell researchin', momma-hatin' DEBILS, the better for America, I say!

To heck with them all...

April 18, 2006 3:10 AM  
Blogger Siren said...

Rex Kramer how do you know she is not a scientist????

April 18, 2006 3:15 AM  
Blogger a rose is a rose said...

it's rather funny. i work for a big international corporation (home base in a land of tulips and hashish) and THEY (the corp itself) has placed little american flags on every floor (bordering the railing looking down into the atrium level that is). odd ain't it?

April 18, 2006 5:50 AM  
Blogger pissed off patricia said...

I'm sure Rex already knows this and will at some time use it against me, but I am married to one of those "scientist" and worse yet, he's a marine biologist and a part time tree hugger.

April 18, 2006 8:23 AM  
Blogger pissed off patricia said...

Just to be clear, Mr. Pop has nothing to do with the lab mentioned in the piece.

April 18, 2006 8:27 AM  
Blogger Blogenfreude said...

We remain unsmited at Agitprop, and have posted more America-hating for your reading pleasure. No bikini-clad women, however ...

April 18, 2006 2:14 PM  
Blogger Adorable Girlfriend said...

Come on, 44rt, PA. Anything from the rotting coal mines of NEPA is so tainted in G-D loving matzoh, you cannot even take it seriously. Come now, I love their beloved Congressperson Joe Joe McDade who tells them how he brings home the bacon with Tobyhanna, the military base. Nice Joe-Joe, if only it were in YOUR district!

Lab Corp plain sucks because they get my client labs all fakakta. ICON follows right behind. It's MDS for me or nothing else and I use, gasp, the Toronto area office for MDS!

April 18, 2006 3:42 PM  
Blogger pissed off patricia said...

If this lady's office looked all Americana to the max, imagine how her home might look.

April 18, 2006 5:27 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Dude: I agree. "LabCorp of Boston" would be much more fitting.

Gun-Toter: Excellent point. I mean, has a scientist ever cut your taxes? Methinks not.

Siren: If by "she" you mean the patriotic employee, the answer is self-evident. She loves America; thus she CAN'T be a scientist (you can't argue with logic like that!)

Rose: It is, indeed, sad that deoderant-deficient Euros love America more than our own scientists. Somewhere, Oppenheimer is rolling in his glowing grave.

P.O.P: My God! And yet you still married him? Is an anullment still possible? (P.S. for Mr. POP: It's not to late to come over to the Right Side!)

Blogenhippie: I've been a bit too busy of late to do much smiting, but rest assured, your smiting cometh!

Adorable: Your excessive use of acronyms tells me that either you were in the Army or you went to college (but not both, of course.)

P.O.P: Actually, if you read the wire stories on her, her home is also decorated in a pro-America fashion. God bless her.

April 18, 2006 8:08 PM  
Blogger L said...

heh heh heh! I loved this!

April 19, 2006 12:01 AM  
Blogger DAV said...

Everyone knows people that think are unamerican

April 21, 2006 9:32 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home