Saturday, April 01, 2006

SG HOSTS “HARRIS-PALOOZA!”

Freedom-Loving Fundraiser Benefits Katherine’s Campaign

(Kissimmee, FL) Always supportive of any candidate who is both challenging a sitting Democrat and smoking hot, Spurious George today hosted a wildly-successful fundraiser for comely Congresswoman Katherine Harris in support of her assault on hippie Senator Bill Nelson (D-FL.) Although all indications are that
Harris’ campaign is going as well as can be expected, a little completely-legal cash infusion never hurt; in this case, a “little cash” was a nice but not gaudy sum of $10,000,000, or roughly the amount of taxpayer dollars spent every 43 minutes in Iraq (thus, not that much.)



The corporate-sponsored grass-roots “Harris-Palooza” was held inside Kissimmee’s Silver Spurs Arena instead of Disney’s Grand Floridian Hotel after it was learned that Disney not only tolerates the gay lifestyle, it requires it of all employees. Attended by the common man who could afford the $10,000 per plate minimum donation, Osceola County’s social event of the year provided entertainment by the country’s top patriotic acts (Lee Greenwood brought many in the crowd to tears,) cuisine crafted to suit the rural conservative taste (the armadillo pate’ was to die for,) and inspiring speeches from some of the nation’s top America-lovers (Ann Coulter brought the barn down with her impression of Russ Feingold.) Judging from the comments of those in attendance, this was the biggest thing to happen in Central Florida since
neo-Nazis marched through Orlando’s predominantly-black Parramore district.

“Wow, what a bash!” Gushed Orlando’s own Senator Mel Martinez, who as a man of Hispanic heritage, identifies with Harris’ minority status as a rich, white female. “Everything looked great, especially Kathy. I mean, did you see those yammies she has now? Those alone should be worth at least 2 points in the polls.”

Indeed, Harris’ perky breasts were on the tip of the tongues of many of her admirers in the crowd. “I had heard that her campaign was in trouble, but honestly I can’t see how she doesn’t get more support with sweater puppies like those,” gushed a slightly-tipsy Bill O’Reilly who may have imbibed more than his share of the fresh moonshine that flowed from the show’s many open bars. “Does Bill Nelson have hooters like those? I think not! Anyone who doesn’t vote for Katherine Harris is completely gay, and
probably doesn’t like loofahs either!”

Clearly, the highlight of the day was Harris’ appearance. After mumbling something about “America” and “Democratic pansies,” she titillated the crowd with a engrossing strip/pole dance, during which she collected approximately 50% of the fundraiser’s donations (it is unknown how much was donated during the subsequent lap dances, but we’re certain that Katherine will dutifully report it to the FEC and IRS in a timely fashion.)

Ed. Note: We here at SG realize that we’ve recently dedicated a lot of space on this site to Congresswoman Harris’ senatorial campaign, but we feel it is in the greatest interest of this country’s future to see her elected to that august body. Besides (and speaking of bodies,) have you seen her boobies?!? Breathtaking!!!

9 Comments:

Blogger Ron Nasty said...

While she's got a nice rack, I can't get past that hideous sour lemon face. She'd be a double bagger, if you know what I mean.

April 01, 2006 8:31 PM  
Anonymous Lily said...

Gee Rex, why don't you tell us if you noticed her chest?

Maybe she's just lactating! You can be so insensitive to the biological demands of women!! Like the time you made fun of crippled people and I had to educate you as a handi-able woman. Well I am not only bi-racial, in a wheelchair, deaf, and on crack but I am also lactating.

You are so hatefully intolerant.

April 01, 2006 8:39 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

" You can be so insensitive to the biological demands of women!!"

Is there a point here?


Hey Rex I wanted to have the honor to be the first to congratulate you on the Gator's win tonight!
My forcast: LA vs FLA

FLA takes it all the way.

You heard it here first.
Remember what happened last time.

April 01, 2006 9:00 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Ron: If by "double bagger" you mean those things hanging off of her chest, then yes, I do know what you mean.

Lily: At the risk of offending the geritol gyno-generation, if Katherine is lactating, it'd be the first post-menopause pregnancy in history.

AJ: Way to go out on a limb there...do you mean LA as in UCLA, or as in Louisiana? Actually, it's a moot point, as Pat Robertson tells me Jesus is a huge Gator fan.

April 01, 2006 10:03 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

of course I meant UCLA

April 01, 2006 10:27 PM  
Blogger a rose is a rose said...

sweater puppies?

April 02, 2006 3:08 AM  
Blogger Carrie Oakey said...

You seem like such a good patriotic Christian man, yet you ogle Miss Harris' body! It's good that you support her as she tries to take back the country from those who would like to give it over to the Islamofascists, but she is more than just a sexy body!

April 02, 2006 10:07 AM  
Anonymous Tom's Rhinoplasty said...

Geriatricicity aside, you should be more sensitive!!!!


OK, maybe not lactating. Aroused by the prospect of victory?

April 02, 2006 12:03 PM  
Blogger GraemeAnfinson said...

those are a nice pair of jubblies

April 02, 2006 11:53 PM  

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