Sunday, April 02, 2006

PATRIOTIC POTPOURRI, PART III

Ed. Note: Once again, Rex Kramer brings your attention to stories that may have eluded your (but never his) attention in this semi-weekly, somewhat accurate installment of “Patriotic Potpourri.”

Colorado Hates America!

(Longmont, CO) Has the entire state become a bad South Park episode? Principal Tom Stumph of Skyline High School recently
banned the display of the American flag on the campus, thus becoming the most prominent America-hater in a state long known for its’ hippie-leanings. Misinterpreting the actions of some red-blooded students who heroically waved the flag in his hippie presence, Stumph explained his actions thusly: “They were using the symbol derisively as misguided patriotism.”

Spare us, Comrade Stumph-sky. As every regular Spurious George reader knows, there is never anything misguided about patriotism…as long as it’s American patriotism, of course!

Minnesota Hates America!

(St. Paul) Once again, the state that forced upon us Hubert Humphrey, Walter Mondale and most recently and egregiously, Al Franken, has spat in the face of everything this country stands for. As everyone knows, this country was founded on tobacco (and oil, but that’s a story for another day,) and thus any opposition to the continued prosperity of America’s cottage nicotine industry is as un-American as banning the flag. Thus, it came as no great surprise when a Minnesota legislating-from-the-bench judge
restricted the rights of law-abiding citizens when he banned smoking inside private businesses. Commented freedom-hater and author of the bill upon which the judge ruled David Thune, “It’s a great day for public health!”

But is it a great day for freedom, Mr. Thune? We think not. Besides, since when has it been proven that smoking cool, refreshing cigarettes has any effect on public health? Scanning the authoritative study on all things (aka “the Holy Bible,”) I see no mention of this. Why do you hate the Bible, Minnesota?

Massachusetts Hates America!

(Boston) Despite being proven time and time again that they hate America, Ted Kennedy and John Kerry continue to represent the most out-of-the-mainstream state in the US Senate. Seriously, what does Massachusetts have to do to get smited?

12 Comments:

Anonymous abi said...

Don't blame me - I'm from Massachusetts

It's 34 years later, and we Bay Staters are still proud of that line. We are the bluest of the blue states, and damn proud of it.

And that's exactly how we have been smitten (smited? smoten?). You think it's easy being right all the time when so much of the country is wrong?

But look who I'm asking - a Bush-loving Floridian.

April 02, 2006 11:48 AM  
Anonymous LILY BRANFORD said...

Kramer, you're not supposed to work on Sunday for freedom.

April 02, 2006 11:59 AM  
Anonymous The Biblical Voice Of Charlton Heston said...

Day old PATRIOT-SIM should be half price!

April 02, 2006 12:00 PM  
Blogger Lew Scannon said...

How can I compete when a whole state hates America? Time to post more burning flags!

April 02, 2006 1:58 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Abi: You may be suprised to learn that I love MA. I mean, if it weren't for Bay State politicians, the Democrats might have nominated an actual threat in 1988 and 2004!

Lily: Loving America is never work!

Charlie H: Freedom isn't free, and is never, ever discounted!

Lew: Just don't burn them in Colorado...but if you do, do so outside the sight of the local principal.

April 02, 2006 3:39 PM  
Blogger Comandante Agí said...

California hates America too. Our high school students have been ditching class and waving Mexican flags on the freeway.

April 02, 2006 5:56 PM  
Blogger PTCruiser said...

Damn Californians. When are they gonna learn that free expression is a gift that can be taken away at any moment, and not a privelege. Curse those freedom-abusers.

April 02, 2006 8:55 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Cmdr. Agi: It goes without saying that California hates America. As long as you give refuge to the likes of Sean Penn, Susan Sarandon and George Clooney, I must insist that the pox upon their house continue.

PT: Although your hippie politics disgusts me to no end, your post re: home-brewing tells me that you are not beyond hope. Welcome to the enemies list!

April 02, 2006 9:01 PM  
Blogger PTCruiser said...

Serving proudly as an enemy, then.

April 02, 2006 10:49 PM  
Blogger GraemeAnfinson said...

Is it self hate or do the states just hate the rest of America

April 02, 2006 11:48 PM  
Blogger Neil Shakespeare said...

Damn Minnesota! As if that state wasn't clean enough already! I bet there's gonna be more folks starting to work out of their homes. Next they'll outlaw smoking in your own home, and after that, smoking with your own ass! The Nicotine Police are everywhere!

April 03, 2006 8:44 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Hey Shakes, what's wrong with smoking?

April 07, 2006 6:01 PM  

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