Wednesday, April 05, 2006


Congresswoman Uses “OJ Defense” to Justify Striking Cop

(Washington) By all accounts, Representative Cynthia McKinney (D-FL) is your average Democratic member of Congress: violent, void of ideas, and disrespectful of authority. Thus it came as a surprise to no one when earlier this week she struck a Capitol Police officer (while possibly on a “crack high”) after refusing to submit to a mandatory security check, and then subsequently
blame the incident on the officer’s alleged racism. McKinney, a woman of color who clearly has developed a false sense of entitlement “thanks” to ill-conceived affirmative action, refused to present her security credentials to officers who’s duty it is to protect the Capitol Building, and was temporarily denied entry. That’s when, according to credible, white male witnesses, McKinney “got up all in the officer’s faces.”

“I have never in my law-abiding career on the Hill seen a member of Congress so drunk, or more likely high, on power,” observed Tom DeLay (R-TX,) who recently announced his retirement so that he may devote more time to his efforts to feed Africa’s poor. “And the language! I can’t repeat what she said…no, seriously, I have no idea what she said. I think she was talking jive or ebonics, or whatever those people call it. Quite possibly, she was rapping. One thing for sure, it wasn’t the kind of gospel music that her people are known for.”

“That’s when she pulled the knife. I’m pretty sure she had a gun as well,” observed Tom Tancredo (R-CO,)
a man in no way biased against non-white Americans. “The officer showed great restraint by not using deadly force, which clearly would have been justified.” Tancredo remarked that he vividly recalled seeing McKinney possessing a knife, as he found it odd that an African-American would have such a weapon. According to the “Defender of Denver,” cutting weapons are most often found on the persons of illegal Mexican welfare-abusers who hate our freedom and who steal American jobs.

Administration officials, always supportive of the foot soldier and patrol officer, assured the American people that the incident involving the cop-hating Democrat was in no way influenced by the Congresswoman’s race. “
As a black woman raised in 1950’s Birmingham, Alabama, I never once felt that I was pre-judged because of my skin color,” truthfully asserted authority-respecting Condoleezza Rice, whom many white people respect for her ability to annunciate clearly and her disdain for racial quotas. “Thus, it is inconceivable that in contemporary America, where racism has been eliminated, that Representative McKinney could have been the ‘victim’ of racial profiling.”

Despite her soul sister’s assurances that her complaints were unfounded, McKinney’s attorneys Mark Shapiro and F. Lee Bailey today filed a motion with the court that would prohibit any punitive legal action against their client. “As we proved in California v. Simpson, ‘if you ain’t white, you can’t indict,” rapped a clearly-intoxicated and cross-dressing Bailey.

Ed. Note: Despite SG’s best efforts, those hippies at Agitprop continue to hate America. Now only half-way through their
Week of Smiting©, we need your help more than ever so that those tie-dyed freaks may see the error in their ways. Won’t you stop by their site and bring them over to the light side of freedom-loving? Jesus will thank you for it!


Blogger Elizabeth Branford said...

Rex- rapping? About what, the 9-11 conspiracy again????

I can relate to the anger of a woman detained mid-mission. I've bitch slapped some authority in my day. I can get away with that being a white chick.

April 05, 2006 9:26 PM  
Blogger The Local Crank said...

Okay, now that was funny! And I know funny-after all, I watch politics in Texas.

April 06, 2006 1:58 AM  
Blogger pissed off patricia said...

Too bad Mckinney hadn't just lied and sent our country to war. Heck for that she would have gotten a reward and probably a medal.

April 06, 2006 4:54 AM  
Blogger a rose is a rose said...

from all accounts i have read, i personally think mckinney was just WRONG in this one.

and i'm NOT agreeing with mr kramer, danger seeker so don't even GO THERE grrrlfrens. all i'm sayin' is.......


April 06, 2006 6:41 AM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Bitch-Slap Lily: Disrespecting authority makes Baby Jesus weep.

Local Crank: Is that you again, Lloyd Benson?

P.O.P: Ms. McKinney hates all authority figures, including soldiers. Why, if she had her way, our boys would lack body armor and a clear exit strategy.

Rose: It's ok to agree with me; in fact by doing so you're indicating that you hate America slightly less than you did yesterday!

April 06, 2006 8:26 AM  
Anonymous Secretary Michael Chertoff said...

You’re a good and loyal American. Please continue to live in fear. Thank you for your support.

April 06, 2006 11:04 AM  
Blogger Blogenfreude said...

Two new pieces of America-bashing up today, Kramer - click here, then click here to read about DHS's War on Teenagers™!

April 06, 2006 1:17 PM  
Blogger GraemeAnfinson said...

Mckinney is sooo gangsta

April 06, 2006 1:57 PM  
Blogger mikevotes said...

I love the Cartman inclusion. And, that Delay quote made me blow coffee through my nose. So, So painful.


April 06, 2006 3:16 PM  
Blogger PTCruiser said...

I liked how you worked Tancredo into the article. He's the anti-christ.

April 06, 2006 7:38 PM  
Anonymous Dude said...

Tancredo remarked that he vividly recalled seeing McKinney possessing a knife...

Interestingly, the “knife” (later confiscated by the police) was found to have over $43 in roaming charges.

April 07, 2006 12:41 PM  
Blogger Blogenfreude said...

Kramer - what happened to your Week of Smiting©? We've done our best to piss you off.

April 07, 2006 5:19 PM  
Blogger The Local Crank said...

Lloyd Bentsen was never funny. In fact, I'm not even sure he ever smiled. Jim Mattox, Dan Morales, Bill Clements, "Pass the Biscuits, Pappy" Lee O'Daniel--they were funny. Rick Perry is less funny and more just plain ol' pathetic. Tom DeLay is funny, in the same sense that Agusto Pinochet or Josef Stalin were funny.

April 07, 2006 10:42 PM  
Blogger L said...

heh heh-- great post!

April 09, 2006 11:22 PM  

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