Wednesday, April 19, 2006

McCLELLAN CUTS AND RUNS

Bush: “Scotty Couldn’t Handle the Truth”

(Washington) Over the past five years one of President Bush’s most beloved qualities has been his unquestioned loyalty to the underlings he has appointed and who serve their country without concern for their own prosperity or their own political agendas. During his glorious reign, trusted political luminaries such as Cheney, Rumsfeld, and Rice have all had their competence inexplicably questioned by the liberal mainstream media, but never by W himself. Not a day goes by when America’s Greatest President© doesn’t slap one of his subordinates on the back, be it the Secretary of the Interior or the (legal) Mexican guy who cleans the bathroom stall interiors outside the Oval Office, and drawl sincerely, “You’re doing a heckuva job!” The only thing Bush asks is loyalty in return.

Sadly, White House press secretary couldn’t even do that.

“As I said earlier this week, I’m the decider…and what I’ve decided is that Scott McClellan is a pussy,” asserted the President in reaction to the news that
McClellan has cut and run from his post. Bush, who found McClellan as a feral orphan on his Crawford ranch and who raised him as his own son, expressed bitter disappointment over what many see as a betrayal bordering on treason. “The only thing I ever asked of Scotty was that he tell the American people the truth, but obviously he couldn’t handle the truth. Truth of the matter is I never trusted that pasty-faced college boy. I heard he might be gay. Maybe even Mexican. Hard to say.”

The President was not alone in his repudiation of “Mealy-Mouth McClellan.” Ari Fleischer, McClellan’s predecessor and one-time supporter of his protégé, denounced the defector on his morning radio show, Air Ari. “Scott McClellan’s not fit to carry my jockstrap, although he asked to on many occasions. It would be irresponsible to say that he asked to sniff it from time to time, but that option was on the table.” Fleischer ruled out a return to the podium, stating that he could serve America better from his current pulpit, the consulting firm he created without any assistance from any sitting member of Congress or current administration official.

McClellan’s cowardly departure has provided Washingtonians with their second-favorite pastime; rumor-mongering! Who will be the traitor’s replacement is the source of no shortage of speculation. Will it be someone super patriotic, or someone who merely loves America with every fiber of his being? While Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, and in keeping with the all-male list of candidates, Ann Coulter all seem logical choices, some to think the President will continue to show his support for our troops by selecting a qualified military mouthpiece…someone how can handle the truth, of course!

12 Comments:

Blogger GraemeAnfinson said...

ahh a jockstrap sniffer, about time he quit

April 20, 2006 3:56 AM  
Blogger a rose is a rose said...

so scotty was really weaned at the teat of laura. that 'splains it lucy

April 20, 2006 6:54 AM  
Blogger pissed off patricia said...

A good liar is hard to find most anywhere except in DC.

April 20, 2006 7:03 AM  
Blogger Subcomandante Bob said...

National Nitwit has the latest Scott McClellan comments on his departure.

(warning - not safe for work language)

April 20, 2006 11:29 AM  
Blogger Kathy said...

I think Harriet Miers is a good choice. Besides, Bush kinda owes her after that Supreme Court fiasco.

April 20, 2006 7:20 PM  
Blogger rev. billy bob gisher ©2005 said...

hey now you commie. leave it to george he is "the decider"

April 21, 2006 8:04 AM  
Blogger Blogenfreude said...

They're actually asking for you over at Agitprop. I suppose the America-bashing is too much ...

April 21, 2006 4:11 PM  
Blogger DAV said...

((SNiff)) Scott is my cousin.

April 21, 2006 9:31 PM  
Blogger DAV said...

hey I liked your blog so much I lnked to it

April 21, 2006 9:42 PM  
Blogger Carrie Oakey said...

Thank you for your brave blog and you courage to print the side of the stories the liberal media chooses to ignore!

April 21, 2006 11:37 PM  
Blogger Newsguy said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

April 22, 2006 3:02 AM  
Blogger Newsguy said...

My personal heroes, Ollie North and G. Gordon Libby, who now serve America as patriotic radio talk show hosts surely would be excellent communicators for our beloved Great Leader. Oliver North served Mr. Reagan in the Iran-Contra adventure, and Watergate hero G. Gordon Liddy proved his mettle as a great American in the Nixon administration.

There are those communists and hippies who would testify otherwise, but they are but crumbs on the carpet of history.

April 22, 2006 3:05 AM  

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