Friday, April 28, 2006

DEAD AIR, AMERICA!

Air America Goes Way of Dodo, John Kerry

(New York) As the Chairman of the Board (Sinatra, not Cheney) once crooned about New York, “If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere.” Left unsaid was that if you couldn’t make it there, well, maybe Duluth was more your speed.

Despite being the most liberal American city that doesn’t rhyme with “Man Tanbisco,”
New York has turned its’ back on Air America, the America-hating home of rabble-rousers such as Al Franken and Janeane Garofalo. The ill-conceived liberal talk radio network that was founded with money provided by the tax-supported National Endowment for the Arts and a healthy contribution from the twisted folks at the National Assembly of Massachusetts-Based Liberal Agitators (NAMBLA) lost their flagship station when advertisement revenue fell far short of projections. “As it turns out, hippies have no money,” explained WLIB-AM general manager Jane Fonda. “Who knew?”

While tens of fans mourned the loss of Franken’s whiney voice, a few held onto the delusional hope that the network would find a new Big Apple home. New York icon and confessed pedophile Woody Allen expressed rare optimism in offering possible options for the beleaguered network. “Well, there’s always the subway stations. I did stand-up there in the 50’s, and when I wasn’t getting spit on I sometimes made enough money to buy a nice teenage girl in Chinatown.” While there are no confirmed reports that Franken, like Allen, prefers Asian children to share his bed, no one denies that the former Saturday Night Live writer is a liberal man of Jewish descent with little to no comedic talent.

Another rare fan, Rosie O’Donnell, also expressed confidence that the on-air “talent” would find other venues for their liberal rants. “Any one of them would be a hit down at the ‘Y’ or at any club in the Village, but that Janeane Garofalo? What a cutie-patootie!” O’Donnell, who went on to describe in great detail the virtues of Garofalo’s breasts, admitted that he politics tend to fall far left of center. “Let’s just say that George Bush doesn’t like my kind.”

New and completely fair and balanced White House spokesman Tony Snow quickly rebutted O’Donnell’s libel. “Mr. O’Donnell couldn’t be more wrong. As you all know, the President has a long history of being the champion of fat Irish-American men. “Cheney,” as you all know, is Celtic for “brave quail hunter.” After being pulled aside by and whispered to by former Chief of Staff Andy Card, the neophyte returned to the podium and read to the collected press corps his favorite passages from “My Pet Goat.”

Promotional Note: Are you, like us, tired of waiting for the End of Days? If so, check out Rex Kramer’s Saturday piece in
The Blue Republic, where he reveals the exact day you can expect to be shaking hands with Jesus!

4 Comments:

Blogger Carrie Oakey said...

This is good, because with Rush turning himself into the police for the trumped up charges against him, the liberal media would be overpowering if these moonbats were left to dominate talk radio!

April 28, 2006 9:57 PM  
Anonymous Siren said...

As a NYC resident, I have concerns about the impact of losing Air America and being forced to deal with only 78 stations and satellite...

The problem is this, folks. We already have AIR AMERICA!!! Its called NPR !!!!!

Speaking of radio, listen in to Blue Republic on Air America tomorrow!

April 28, 2006 11:08 PM  
Blogger Neil Shakespeare said...

That's too bad. I used to turn that on when I needed to take a nap.

April 29, 2006 3:02 AM  
Blogger GraemeAnfinson said...

us liberals are busy reading books, you guys can keep your talk radio

April 29, 2006 4:23 AM  

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