Wednesday, May 10, 2006

GOP OUTLOOK SUN-SHINY IN FLORIDA

Jeb Bush, Katherine Harris Eye Higher Offices

(Tampa) Despite unrealistic (and not a little un-American) predictions of Republican doom in the 2006 mid-term elections, Florida and national party leaders today predicted great things for two of the greatest living Floridians, Governor Jeb Bush and Congresswoman Katherine Harris. No less an authority on excellent leadership and bright political futures that
President Bush, for example, suggested that Governor Bush (no relation) might make the second-greatest President in this nation’s history. “I would like to see Jeb run at some point in time, but I have no idea if that's his intention or not. I have no idea what he's going to do. I've asked him that question myself. I truly don't think he knows.*” President Bush further added that “not knowing things” should not be a barrier for the Oval Office, or, for that matter, the directorship of FEMA, the CIA, or any other federal agency.

The opinion of the Decider-in-Chief was echoed by another former President, whose surname is also, coincidentally, Bush. Using the brilliant ability of those with that last name to weave oxymoronic gold out of this air, former President George H.W. Bush confidently predicted that Governor Bush (again, no relation) would be an “awfully good*” future chief executive.

Meanwhile, Florida House Speaker Allan Bense announced today that he would not engage in an obviously-futile effort to challenge America’s sweetheart Katherine Harris for the GOP Senatorial nomination. Bense, who delusionally believed that he would have been a “very good candidate with a chance of beating the incumbent*” had he decided to be a man and run, was forced to acknowledge that
Harris is an unstoppable political force. “She loves Jesus, is ethically unimpeachable, wildly popular across party lines, and, let’s face it, as hot as a slug on a July Florida road,” complimented Bense, who further hinted that Harris’s political star has not yet reached its’ zenith. “Can you imagine a Bush-Harris 2008 ticket? Seriously, can you imagine it?”

* - Indicates Actual Quote. Yep, these are our elected leaders.

16 Comments:

Blogger Kvatch said...

Oh please let there be a Bush/Harris ticket in '08. I'll do anything. I'll even write one more "freedom-loving" post.

May 10, 2006 8:40 PM  
Blogger Carrie Oakey said...

A "Bush-Harris" ticket would be ideal, but alas, Federal law prohibits the top two executives from hailing from the same state. That's why our wonderful Veep had to move to Wyoming.

May 10, 2006 8:47 PM  
Anonymous Adorable Girlfriend said...

Carrie, I seriously hope you are kidding. It's not even funny when kidding. Let's not even think of such an idea.

May 10, 2006 9:52 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

Funny stuff.

Carrie is correct, our retarded forefathers could not have possibly envisioned the greatness of a Bush/Harris '08 ticket. Therefore, we should not have to abide by such Constitutional restraints. I mean, since when have the neocons followed the Constitution? Why start now?

I don't see what a pesky piece of paper, or what some refer to as "the Constitution" has to do with anything relevant in King George II's dynasty.

Hey man, thanks for reading and commenting on my blog. I like this place. I'll be adding you to my sidebar.

May 10, 2006 10:37 PM  
Blogger Callooh said...

"she loves Jesus" .... and is "hot as a slug on a July Flordia road"

DAMN.

now's there's a woman, a REAL woman for you.

let's hope Jesus is cool with the hot slug image - or it could get a little rocky for them. . .

still, DAMN.

May 10, 2006 10:45 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth Branford said...

I wish she was a slug on a Florida road because then I would run her ass over.

Then back up. Then do it again.

May 10, 2006 11:03 PM  
Blogger Neil Shakespeare said...

I imagine the porn industry could do quite a bit with a "Bush Harris" ticket. I hear there's a specialty niche for that in the porn world.

May 11, 2006 12:22 AM  
Anonymous Rich said...

Great writing!

Yes, Kathrine Harris is a shoo in, for retirement. Damn, what is the recipe for their cool aid. I mean I read all of Carlos Castaneda's books and no where did the stuff he talked about approach what these people seem to be taking.

May 11, 2006 2:02 AM  
Blogger sumo said...

Unstoppable political force...o k a y... excuse me...we need some meds here for Mr. Bense...someone...anyone...uh...is anybody there?

May 11, 2006 2:35 AM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Kvatch: Don't make any promises your amphibian ass can't keep!

Carrie: One of the many excellent attributes of the Bush clan is that they can magically be from any state at any given time. I mean, George W? A Texan?

AG: I can assure you that she's not kidding. Many may think she's kidding, but, no. Her patriotism runs deep.

Chris: Thanks, and welcome to Freedom-Loving Fantasyland!

Callooh: I'm not the kind of man who usually notcies such things, but Katherine's recent, er, enhancements, have made her even hotter. 2006 will be all about the boobs.

EB: That's been tried before, actually. Luckily for all of us, KH hails from Krypton.

Neil: Keep that kind of smut on your own site, mister! I mean, naked pictures of the Baby Jesus? Good God!

Rich: The only thing that could bring Katherine into retirement is that pesky 22nd Amendment...but then she could run for President of the World!

Sumo: Laugh now, but you just wait until she's got her cute, manicured finger on "the Button."

May 11, 2006 8:18 AM  
Blogger Reichsminister Karl said...

She is so road-kill ...

May 11, 2006 10:53 AM  
Blogger pissed off patricia said...

LOL, boy we can find some winners here in Florida, huh?
Katherine's tv ad scares small children and grown adults alike. Her face is not a pleasant view.

I think she has totally lost it.

May 11, 2006 11:15 AM  
Anonymous Dude said...

Rex, what do you make of Republican Stategist Ed Rollins saying on Hard Ball...well I forget the exact quote, but it was something like "Kathrine Harris is insane, and need a doctors attention." He also went on to say she has not chance in hell of winning and should drop out and check in to a mental health facility before it's too late.

Your thoughts...

May 11, 2006 2:01 PM  
Blogger Kathy said...

I think Florida should secede from the union. Keep Harris and Bush and take the rest of Jeb's family too.

May 11, 2006 6:11 PM  
Blogger Gary said...

LET IT RAIN...let it rain...let is rain!

May 11, 2006 7:04 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Karl: Exotic road kill is common here in FL, and yet, the armadillos continue to thrive. So, too, shall Katherine.

POP: Hey, if you think that securing by any means necessary the election of Bush n 2000 was crazy, the yes, she's bat-shit insane...or maybe patriotic!

Dude: Plain and simple...Katherine refused his clumsy advances. Sour grapes, my friend, sour grapes.

Kathy: Why would the most patriotic state secede? Let's focus our efforts on kicking Massachusetts out!

Gary: Nothing, not a complete lack of campaign funds, not rebuffs from the GOP establishment, and certainly not Bill Nelson, could rain on Harris' inevitable victory parade.

May 11, 2006 10:50 PM  

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