Saturday, May 06, 2006

SATURDAY/SUNDAY IN THE SUNSHINE STATE SUBURBS

Rex Goes House-Hunting

(Orlando) First, the good news. Today Spurious George’s own real estate tycoon Rex Kramer accepted an offer to purchase the historic Kramerica Kompound (see Wednesday’s column) that was on the open market for all but a few days. Now, the bad news. If the deal goes through, he’ll have to relocate to a new Patriotic Pad by June 30th. Thus, house-hunting has begun in earnest. In fact, Rex and Mrs. Danger-Seeker looked at a dozen or properties today (being old souls, their favorite thus far is a 96 year-old two-story in the historic district…a neighborhood that prohibits liberals,) and will no doubt view countless more in the days and weeks to come. Rex has reported back to SG HQ that if the CIA really wants to torture terrorists, they should have them shuttled around town in the company of a husband-wife realtor team.

In any event, Rex wants his legions of fans to know that this weekend will be consumed with domestic-type endeavors, and thus you will all be abandoned like the red-headed hippie step-children that you are. Actually, that’s not entirely true…he will, during his rare “down times” visit and cast a judgmental glare at all the lefty sites he has ignored these past few hectic weeks. He may even select his next target for his semi-weekly “Focus on the Freedom-Hating Blog.” You’ve been warned!


See Y'all On Monday!

9 Comments:

Blogger Lew Scannon said...

Hey! While Rex is away, let's vote on who you think will be his next target! I think it probably will be Born At The Crest Of The Empire, only because I believe he's going alphabetically down the enemies list.

May 06, 2006 8:17 PM  
Blogger Mary said...

Dear Rex Kramer:
I have been away for a long time and recently came back to your site.You are REALLY funny, even though you're a, well, gun toting, flag waving, no shit taken, sum of a bitch...anyway, you're still SUPER funny in my book.....

May 07, 2006 1:29 AM  
Blogger Elizabeth Branford said...

Screw that Mikevotes. Danger Seekers don't do things alphabetically anyway.

Husband-wife realtor teams should be banned outright.

May 07, 2006 3:18 PM  
Blogger Lew Scannon said...

Mikevotes is my favorite! I lurk over there all the time.

May 07, 2006 8:50 PM  
Blogger Callooh said...

they are trained you know, realtors, in rare and exotic tortures.

never, NEVER should you enter a vehicle with a husband and wife team, NEVER.

- that is ... unless . . .

you were seeking some terrible form of Danger . . .

May 07, 2006 11:02 PM  
Blogger GraemeAnfinson said...

ask for the patriot discount. if they say they don't have one, lambast them as pinko commies

May 08, 2006 12:01 AM  
Blogger Elizabeth Branford said...

Ah, Graeme. Spoken like a true pink commie.

May 08, 2006 10:19 AM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Lew: Going in alphabetical order? That's just what the enemy WANTS you to think! The truth is, I'm not going to smite anyone this week, because, again, smiting a blog weekly is EXACTLY what the enemy wants me to do!

Mary: I find it twisted in the extreme that you find patriotism "funny." This is clearly a personality flaw in YOU...however, through offering your allegience to Christ (and, by extension, Bush,) you may be absolved of this sin.

Ms Branford and Mr Scannon: Mikevotes is, indeed, a very industrious America-hater. He will be smited, in due time.

Calloh: You have captured the essence of danger-seeking. While lesser beings would shun the husband-wife realtor team, I take them on directly!

G-Man: I took your advice. However, their responses were forced laughter (the kind that makes you want to punch them in the teeth) and an offer to "create excitement in the marketplace." I have no idea what that last thing meant, so I punched them in the teeth.

May 08, 2006 3:13 PM  
Blogger enigma4ever said...

Here is a messege from an abandoned redheaded hippie as I sit here tie-dying some more pinkiecommie shirts and patching flowerchild jeans I can only feel sympathy for you- there is NOTHING worse than being carted around and shown houses....flowery language tossed around to confuse and intice you into a money pit.
Realtor Slinging Lingo: ( translations below)

Great Structure with old world Charm= Foundation Crumbing like Rice Crispies.

Fabulous Views = If you only look out upper bathroom window.

Old Fashioned Gardens= lawn full of abandoned dogshit

Diverse neighborhood = Means sex offenders on every block...

Okay I am just kidding...good luck....Hope you find a wonderful home...

May 10, 2006 12:04 AM  

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